Portals

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Poem: Naked, I am

Stark, yet how could I shudder
Paralyzed, exposed with no cover
I know the laughs
How could I ever satisfy
Those lips
The same ones that kiss
The lips that hold tears so dry
If I looked into your eyes when we made love
Then you know every reason why

If ever there was a hollow
I know that hallow has become me
That hallow has become me
Who needs eyes when you can't know truth

And in my hallow
Another's shadow haunts me
For if I was a man
That man has left me

Age and times pass
Beyond the empty bottles
I once knew a girl
She was the proof
That a fool is all I'd ever be
A fool blind in truth to see
How easily I could become nothing

If ever there was hallow
I know that hallow has become me
That hallow has become me
Who needs eyes when you can't know truth

And in my hallow
Another's shadow haunts me
For if I was a man
That man has left me

Time is not so cruel
Promises of a sweet end
Tickets to punch and clocks to wind
Prayers to make upon the unholy life we dine

In these two small hands
I dreamed I touched your face
As if it were a last request
To know the taste of grace
If I said I wanted to know your lips
Would you make me wait

Stepping into the hall
A room for every kind
If there is space
Then I guess there is time
When you forget me not
Nothing has come, all is well
If we pass at the gates
Let us hope it leads not to hell

If ever there was a hollow
I know that hallow has become me
That hallow has become me
Who needs eyes when you can know truth

Naked, I am
Before you with nothing to say
If hurt is a blessing of our years
I hope you're not the last to pay

Cult of American Fear

America, we have become not only the most feared, but also those who fear themselves.

Entertainment, Media, Internet –all of these forms of information have not only ultimately pacified us, they have created and born new fears. These fears have been eternally burned into the hearts and minds of billions -not to mention the future generations that will suffer.

Not only do the Police police us, but we have been taught to police and spy on ourselves. Not only do the shamers shame us, we have been taught to shame ourselves. Not only do the judgers judge, but we judge ourselves into nothingness. Where our hearts were, we replaced them with machines.

Governments, ill-guided Philosophies, Brain and Life-distorting Religions at this time, have seriously led all of us astray. And, they further our loss by further teaching us how to lead ourselves astray. Billions of blind, deaf, and dumb, leading billions of blind, deaf, and dumb.

Nothing is sacred and profane anymore. For we have become exactly like the machines and technologies that we create. No longer are we free sentient beings, but flesh-bags with numbers and no more possessed of souls than of hope for the future. We have turned away from the ancient and universal laws of truth and life. We have forgotten ourselves in the schemes of things and have made ourselves miniature gods -playthings for those who control money and blood.

Sure, our lens and personal perceptions can be made to see ourselves and the world around us any way we so choose, but how by that power do we also blind ourselves into the darkest abyss of denial?!?

What is the world without our ideologies and perceptions superimposed upon it? Is it possible to know who you are and all that is external to you without some form of programming? Do you manipulate, control, or program others through your own programming? And, why in the hell do we have to be programmed with any set of given ideologies at all?

The Cult of American Fear has led us to: never get dirty, be falsely and political correct, live pseudo-lives of concoction, pacify ourselves against real truth, always follow someone else’s made up rules, praise others for things that aren’t worth praising, deceive ourselves as to what true freedom and happiness really are.

In the Cult of American Fear, our culture and country is the very big stick that stirs up an entire world of Hornets. And, we never wonder why it is that we get stung. We claim to fight for happiness and freedom, and yet have become as despotic, as totalitarian, and as fanatical as any who promote and exercise terror in the world!

In the Cult of American Fear, we have praised and made human-gods out of people who are paid more attention than those who have real ability to lead. Entertainers of all kinds, including musicians, actors and others have become more important that Teachers or Doctors. Sadder still is that, Teachers and Doctors do not get paid enough or have enough training to do the best jobs that they could do. The worth and health of your very life comes down to a damned piece of green paper with empty symbols of a child-like race bent upon bullying itself into submission and death.

In the Cult of America Fear, our Government and Politicians have become laughable stereotypes playing the same rehashed games year after year that no-one even remotely believes in. Well, you only believe in them when you stand something to gain, right? Even the leaders we Romanticize in history(such as Presidents) have done no better than any other leader since the beginning of American History. And lo and behold we like and support the offices of Government that function under three-letter monikers, as shadow groups supposedly enforcing justice? How insanely laughable!

In the Cult of American Fear, GOD is in the Screen(TV, Computer, Cell Phone). More pilgrimages are made to sit in front of the ‘Screen’ than family, friends, or any other object of attention in the world. Technology has become more important than: sleeping, eating,..or...or LIVING!!!

In the Cult of American Fear, we have learned to: not trust one another, not to love one another, to spy on one another, TO HATE AND KILL ONE ANOTHER!!!

IS THIS THE EXAMPLE WE SET FOR THE WORLD AND FOR FUTURE GENERATIONS?!?!?!?

In the Cult of American Fear, we are setting the world stage for such a future to the likes that the ‘sun turning sock-cloth black’ will be a laughable parody on our very lives. Who needs to fear the apocalypse when most of us are in fact living it every day of our fleeting lives!!!

In the Cult of American Fear, who needs the long dark night of the soul, WHEN IT IS ALREADY UPON US !!!

In the Cult of American Fear, my Family suffers and has paid the price…dearly. I can not take care of my family because of the way America is!!! My family suffers because America is not the land of milk and honey!!! Many in my family have died, the family of my friends have died, the entire American History of people who have died FOR NOTHING!!!

In the Cult of American Fear, the future being created now becomes the END OF TOMORROW! Your life has no worth in this Cult for you have become nothing more than a sacrificial Lamb for the Slaughter!!!

In the Cult of American Fear,…all I ever wanted was to live a FREE MAN, but sadly, I am afraid…that I…have lost my life.

In the Cult of American Fear, I fear the Cult of American Fear.

SAVE US ALL BEFORE WE DESTROY OURSELVES !!!

I CALL OUT TO THE HIGHEST POWER, AM I NOT YOUR CREATION OF THE BASTARD STARS!!!

HAVE I NOT KEPT THE ETERNAL PROMISES AND COVENANTS!!!

MAKE ME NOT A MARTYR !!!

SAVE US, I BEG, I PLEAD, I CRY!!!

In the Cult of American Fear...............we have become FORSAKEN!

Poem: Family Dollar Sign

Family doesn't mean nothing to a dollar sign
Everythings fine and dandy, then when you're broke
Everyone loses their mind
When we were kids we thought things were fine
When we found out our worth
Never again did the sun shine
We would be made economic social cast slaves until the grave
It's a pity that the strongest love doesn't have enough money to save us all
I remember burying our family which we literally couldn't afford
It's a shame to think it is cheaper to have the body burnt to ashes
As kids we used to think everything would be ok, but the Family Dollar Sign took our hopes, our dreams, our lives, and our families away
Family Dollar Sign, I hate you
And, I especially hate the people that created you.
Family Dollar Sign, has made Family worthless

Poem: Wanted to be a Hero

Strange what you want to be
Then when it's all played out, and you have lost
Oh this price of life, seriously I have lost
What is left to gain, another day of peace?
Peace isn't what I have, just pieces that don't fit
Wanted to be a Hero
Protect those who could not
Set an example for good, but good I don't got
It is what it is, a fool trying to rise but down shot
If I could smile, could only wish it was in truth
Trapped between infinite age, and a forever lost youth
Wanted to be a Hero
So many loves and lives slipped through my hands
I just can't live up to all that modern society demands
What family I have that is left, they want to be right
Still, and still they are swallowed by the left
Art, Music, Sex, Religion, they are all the same to me
Funny how the world hates those who differently see
Wanted to be a Hero
Better yet to be a joke
No dollar bills in my pocket, soulless I feel broke
Gave away my dimes, given in return six to twelve months in evil chimes
Ding, Ding, can you hear the lonely love bird humans sing
If the song they sing is the way I speak, there isn't a note for us to keep
All the lovers that got away, I didn't have enough drugs, sex, and good time
To keep them close enough to the enigma that is this heart of mine
Wanted to be a Hero
With arms embraced around my frailty, memories leave no comfort
If I had enough rocks
Thrown at me by those that hate me, I would build a fort
A place to be safe for once where and when I am not scared
I let go, even the pain of that release can never satisfy
So I write the words to replace the tears that I can not cry
I wanted to be a Hero, I wanted to be your Hero
Maybe heros are really fools in disguise

Unlight - Living in the world unseen, unforgiven. (Reflections)

It is strange living in the Unlight. There is this entire sphere of political correctness where, it is just as insane as the P.C. groups accuse us, "The Outsiders." When you live in life there is no template, how-to, or a yellow-brick-road with travel companions to keep to stead-fast to the strait and narrow. No, there is just this "long hard road out of hell."

I've been beaten down, was even homeless a few years, held the hand of some of the last of my family as they have died.

Stopped at accidents that, I knew what was left of the horribly mangled bodies,...that still had life, would not make it. Do you know what it is like to stand by the thing that is a body, and yet, it is crying for it's mother in its last breath?

 For years, I had to learn how to raise myself in manner where try and fail is the only rule.

I know the savage jungle of society. I've taken the beatings of the self-right, the perfect people, the beautiful people, those who rule through corruption and power.

 Art, music, and writing have been the only outlets than have been more stable than any girlfriend I have had. Their love never dwindles, it only gets better with time.

I have been in so many bands including the styles: black metal, speed metal, and industrial. Geographically, I'm kind of stuck as there are no real outlets, save for a few who are trying. I've been told if music doesn't make any money, then, it will never get played, or asked to play a show.

I guess I will never see those opportunities again. It's weird, people want real, and when the real steps forward, they call it crazy and deny it. If your only escape is creating, then, what do you do when so many deny you? I think in some ways I can relate to some of the philosophy of Anton Szander LaVey; Sometimes you have to create and get lost in your own world, and, become someone else when the old you was killed and crucified by the world it so much wanted to be apart of.

Sometimes you don't know how nice it is to be treated as something that has a life, I guess. Honestly, I really feel I live in the Light, but many call it Darkness and Shadow. I know forgiveness, compassion, mercy -and my passion for the arts that transcends the stars.

Sadly, I may never know the stars, but, I am sure the dust from my bones will. Currently, I have been making a darker form of gothic folk, gospel, and minimalist electronica. I've been told that it is all strange and different. But, I feel all expressions are valid expressions, no matter how they are taken.

Maybe it is the expression less agreed upon or found that gives some validity to an original and pure life.

There was a night long ago that, I skated on the ice of a drive-way. On that ice I skated with a red-hair fairy under the purple moon-light. She loved me and I did not know why. She told me that no matter what happened to me in life, to keep being me, and fight against the world that destroyed you. She liked White Zombie, smoking Marboro Reds, and drinking the fuck out of beer and whisky. To her, getting hammered was an understatement. I guess you could say a girl taught me everything I know when it comes to throwing down. Doesn't make me feel less of a guy. Actually, it makes me feel good to know that someone gave enough of a flying fuck about me to show me the ropes getting lost in a bottle, or, in the sack. Sadly though, she died a terribly death. I'm still fucked up about that one.

I'm always attempting to do better. Sins, fuck-ups, and the politically correct society just will not cease in hating me, or punishing me, like a world so full of haters, it makes me question my own life and its purpose. I have no other choice but to live it, Goth or other-wise. A majority of my friends left me for more circles of money, power, music, and drugs. I didn't have enough of those things, so, they shit on me and left. They always said I was crazy, and I thought I was just passionate enough about life to live it.

Damned how even when you live it,...that so many will do whatever it takes to beat you down. No shit. So, here I am in the Unlight, living, attempting to write and make music like it's no ones fucking business. It has been insanely difficult and, I rather hit the joint, the bottle, a hot chick, and just put it all fucking down in the studio. No reservations, no bullshit, no commerciality -just strait up -Here are my words, here is my pain, here is my fucking expression, and send it out into the world.

Most people write about Unicorns, Partys, and dance songs into oblivion. I want to make music that reaches deep into your heart, mind, and if you have a soul -take them out and show you who you are. Wouldn't it be something if music could really do that for you?

 I...really feel trapped, unsure, repressed, unfullfilled, wanting things that I can't have and no one will give to me. What are those things? Probably the same things we all want and desire and have to bullshit and suffer until we get a little bit of peace.

 Anyway, I just wanted to reflect.

One day I might have a chance to live a life that doesn't feel like death, to be around people that don't hate me for the sake of hate because I look, think, or live differently. People who realize that we are all imperfect and don't desire to crush my skull with a stone because I am not like them.

I went for a walk today, no one smiled at me, they all just laughed. I watched the sun go down and now spending time with my family, talked to a awesome writer, and here I am now, writing to you.

 Hello, Hello, ..... is anyone out there.

Once I had skin
Once I had eyes and bones
Once I had a shell And now
I am a ghost
And now I am a shell

 Goth in the Shell

*Acid Baths 'Bleed Me an Ocean'* Plays in the background.

Truth - Doors 'When you are Strange'

Didn't feel like I really needed to write much on this one as it is pretty self explanatory.