Friday, August 15, 2014

Battle of the Warrior Medicine Heart

What is in your heart?

I believe that there is something that separates what we are from the latent ego of the heartless savage within us. Our elements compose us in such a way that in this world we battle inside as well as out.

Studying many different cultures, warriors, and spiritual people has led me upon a path as infinite as the stars. It is obvious that the union is there, but so is the chaos. Hermetically, it takes much discipline to still the swaying pendulum. For if ever that pendulum swings to hard, it may in fact damage the riding vessel.

I have been: demon, angel, spawn, womb, creation, destruction, warrior, priest, empty, full, existent, and non-existent, and Goth.

Before me I have found the gateless-barriers and traversed and passed them. Many ladder of lights have appeared and I have ascended them. Created and broken many seals in my search for wisdom and knowledge.

In this element, the grosser world and elements that we know are primitive enough to make us thirst for beginning and ending. These things also compel us to leave this sordid state and aspire to become something more -if that is more than an imagining.

There have been moments in my life where I have experienced extraordinary things. Some philosophy speaks to the fact that I might have had something defined as an "NDE" (near-death-experience). The few times this has happened I have felt I have crossed somewhere or somehow (even if just an interpreted experience) and come to find there is something more than this reality. Yes, coming close to and experiencing death changes you if you are one who still lives.

Without knowing the difference between lesser matter and greater energy (as in intelligence and knowledge) I do no feel either I or others would have ever had the chance to evolve. At this time, it is clearly obvious that there can be life but it does not have a true awareness of existing or really living. In order to separate the wheat from the chaff, we must not assume metaphysically of any kind of imagined things. It is wiser to realize there is an infinite hierarchy in every form and dimension. These things have been pondered for as long as known history has been recorded.

Far too many live in the un-reality(illusion) of the material reality. Yes, it is very tangible to our extremely limited senses. With our basic physiological senses there is little way for us to comprehend a greater sense of totality in the small pockets of existence in which we reside.

To know what you are, your place, and being able to extend and see yourself beyond "you" and this "material reality" should be a extremely important aspiration.

Almost all knowledge that we develop here on this lesser level of gross reality, no matter how enlightened or inspired is still a "lesser gross knowledge". It is only so often that "pure distilled wisdom and knowledge" finds its way into our understanding.

All of these things are proved through various religions, sciences, and even physics. So, there is no need to imagine or embellish. To the evil or lesser mind, all of this is non-sense, holds no focus for them and is often subject to the limited mind and hatred of human-kind. Sad that most humans only live for so long. It takes a long period of time to develop the "long omniscient awareness" of time and space.

It is important to know who you are, what is inside you, and the path that you are/will traverse in this thing we define as life. If you seek good....if you seek evil -these things you will find in every degree, every action, and every form.

If you are not careful, you become what you seek whether knowingly or not. Without understanding your doubles, shadows, copies, and other alternate incarnations -you will not escape the wheel and become whatever your "willed-intention" manifests.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

American Food Stamps

The Nazi fascist state gives us a card to pacify us with food
The state denies you a job and to the bottom of culture you are glued

You can starve to death, lose honor or take the card
Paying for groceries with Food Stamps becomes the longest shaming yard

The card you try to hide not to be ashamed that you are starving and need
The folks behind you laugh and snicker with their shaking fatness and greed

People blame me because I live in poverty and am poor
No jobs hire you nor does opportunity come to the door

Each time I shove a piece of buttered bread in my mouth empty
I realize that the system of false money will never deliver or save me

I've slaved before and paid my life-blood money to government before
Have you ever walked through the ghetto and seen all the rainbow children crying on the floor

American Food Stamps like a hungry Red Scarlet Shame
I'm dying, hungry, and starving to much to admit I have this card and have to play the game

It is simple: "I can either eat or die. But the truth is, I already feel dead."

Have you ever cried your tears on a piece of bread?

America -I lived here and died here.

Family Sky Falling Down

Today I talked more with another Family member who is about to die. Time seems like it is forever until a Doctor informs you how much time you have left. Couple that with the rest of your Family that can not afford medical care any more than they can pay bills or afford groceries to eat.

It is crazy to think that in America -the land of milk and honey/or blood and money- a majority of its people are not taken care of, hungry, dying of medical issues -the greatest of all people are suffering and dying.

Insurance has just become an excuse(gamble) to pay which you already have no money to pay. Insurance is so bad that even if you pay it you don't know if that money you paid in will really help to keep you alive. But, it will fill the pockets of Doctors, Insurance providers, and politicians. Funny how these particular three sets of people determine whether you live or die

Many states do not have good or basic medical care. Sure, if you are Bill Gates or any other insanely rich person and have money, you will get help. If you live in poverty or are broke, you can expect to die guaranteed.

Even if I sacrifice my organs, work like a slave at a job that pays nothing, or attempted to rob a bank or something -it still wouldn't save my family. This awesome American system we live in is: merciless, makes slaves of its people, takes care of others more than its own civilians, .........it utterly broken.......and my Family has to suffer and die for what? Red White and Blue??? So far, all I have seen is the cold bodies of my dead and dying Family, and....the color Red -their blood.

The coldest lesson I have ever had to fully realize is that, "My Family and everyone I know will eventually die one day."

I wish things weren't this way. Feels like the 'Perfect Circle' song 'Weak and Powerless' endlessly plays in my mind on repeat.

I would give my life and everything that I am and have if I could make things not be this way. I would give it all so they would never suffer and never die.

If there is a higher power somewhere in this universe, please I beg you find my words and make it so. I will give you my blood, my body, and all of my life if you will save my Family. I beg it of you. Sacrifice me and save them.

Poem: Family Sky Falling Down

Faces trailed by bodies fall from the sky
To shocked for reasons lips ask not why

What do you feel when you see your family suffering
Eternal love, honor, respect,...or just suffering

My Family has always been poor
American culture only gives the rich the score
We are always dying with less
They are always taking more

Too broke to buy caskets to bury
Sweep up the ashes in a canned slurry

Each member can't afford medical care
Life has become an infinite mind-field of beware

Hard to hear your family talk about how much time they have to live
Between choking up and crying I wonder if there is more I can give
Hard to give when you have absolutely nothing
The world could care less even if you brought something

Forget the end of all days
My Family is dying in a myriad of ways

Pay-check-to-pacy-check has killed us all
Bills murder you as the mountains of envelopes fall

Now I look at my Family as the walking-dead
No prayers, thoughts, or meditations help them screaming from my head
The Family that you will love forever
Has become the people that live and die together

We are cut down before we even make a sound
Family Sky Falling Down

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Changed, but Chased by Disbelief (Poem)

Life is a trip. We all know this. The moment you step up to bat, strike-out, and wonder about all the opportunities we missed. I have wanted to go back and say I'm sorry. There isn't anyone I know of that doesn't have some form of regret -unless maybe you haven't live a full-ranging life.

I've made more mistakes than I could ever count. It has been said,"To be human is to forever err." Day by day, I shape up, learn to do better and treat others as best as humanly possible -but, it isn't always easy.

A teacher told me once that I seem trapped or conflicted. She said,"You see the world the way it is, and yet, see the world how it could be." Talk about one of those ultimate moments of truth. It was like being struck by zen-like-lightning.

All I can do now is fully live in the moment, keep peace and happiness however I can, and roll with punches and hope that I can survive my injuries.

Strange, I still feel the need to put others before myself as I never really felt that I was that important. Loneliness is my greatest fear, and, I also fear that I will never be with someone and loved as deeply and as passionately as I love them. I fear I will lose everything, grow old and alone, never know true love, and never have had the chance to share my life and make good memories.

At one time I used to be happy-go-lucky and care free. Now, I live in a constant fear of doing wrong things. Now, I live in constant fear of loneliness. Now, I haven't had enough good quality relationships to even remember what Love is supposed to be or feel like. Don't get me wrong, I love my family but -I think good friends and companionship are used and abused and not given the importance in this world that they should have.

For all the good friends I have ever had, "I thank you, miss you, and I hope you will forgive my trespass."

For the very few lovers I have had, "Thank you for sharing those moments. Thank you for over-looking and accepting my imperfections. I hope you can forgive me if I have ever loved you wrong."

For all my teachers, "Please forgive me for being so slow to learn. It takes me a while since my learning-curve is pretty much strait-up. I do my best not to forget your lessons. I have no idea what I would have done without you. Your slow, but loving student."

For everyone else, "I have no idea what you really know or think of me. But, I hope somewhere in your memories of me there is a light or ray of happiness. I wish you the best of all hopes, of all wishes, and a perfect life always and forever."

It is hard to be real with people and open up. The moment you say or do something that might be considered weak, you get labeled weak -or worse if you make a mistake. I do honestly wish for a chance to have that second chance we all dream about. For once, I do wish for love, not to be alone, not to be scared of other people, and live my life with some form or love or peace.

I have changed all my ways for the better. I can see it and feel it in my heart and who I am, but there are many who do not feel or see me as changed. It really feels like I have to embrace the hardest lesson of "letting go" -so to speak. Maybe all we can do is live this thing crazy thing called life. Personally, on the coldest stage of realness, I'd almost settle for one perfect moment of love.

Changed, but Chased by Disbelief (Poem)

It's true -I can tell you that I have changed my ways
Looking back moving on past the last of days

People don't want to believe you have changed your-self
It all comes down to what you got in looks or wealth

My music peers always tell me write to a heart beat
In this moment I seek forgiveness wisdom becomes what is sweet

If I could have those good times again you bet I would
If I could have known my true unknown friends and lovers I'd make it all very good

We strap ourselves down and others trap us to past deeds
All I'm doing now is looking to plant the right virtues of future seeds

I let go of my ego and what it was that I was
No need to hang on to failure like an excuse of words just because

When my feet have stumbled I learned what it was to loose it all
Strait Strutting a strait path is the higher road to that Heavenly call

I've never had nothing so I know how to make the moment last
All of my words become musical to stand against the darkness cast

In this moment I truly want to tell those I wronged how sorry I am
Too many moments had me unfocused to the burden laden jam

As many as I know tears are something I should never cry
Hard when all the fire and smoke begin to cloud your eyes

Swallowed my pride and learned hard how to forget and forgive
To all the people I have ever known or loved I hope life offers the best of what it has to give

At this moment, through all my tears, I let it all go and send out Pure Love.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

You, Criminal (Information Kills) - Poem

Today I thought not only about the people I know but the people who live in the surrounding areas. My homeland is starting to look like a 3rd world country and I definitely know what 4th world living is like. Almost everyone has a credit problem or a criminal problem. This issue at the center of this is "information." Thanks to our all-mighty internet criminal histories, shame, guilt, and hatred now last forever online. Anyone can access your information, find out where you live, and essentially know more about you than you.

I've been a victim of this -of others stalking me online, stealing my personal information and attempting to end my life by spreading vicious rumors. It is as we can live life no-more thanks to how information is used and abused even if it is in the so-called hands of who-ever thinks they are an authority. To me, I don't think it is right to play God with anyone's life no matter who you are or what your profession is.


Information Kills

You, Criminal
Forever your sins information subliminal

If you mess up, no second chances never look back
The Devil in the machine will cut your gut sack

Drone authorities feed the hive
You will be damned in death and alive

Criminal information stored in military stock-holds
Information kills at a rate faster than most common colds

The intelligent say it is necessary
The poor and weak think it is beyond scary

We are no longer white as snow
One background check will blow -your life away

You, Criminal
Mess up once and your life is over and gone
Internet sentinels gather information on you in order to make you wrong

Even if you changed the internet will forever make you damned
A credit card in evil hands puts your informational throat in demand

Internet, the greatest enlightened death dealing tool
Forever we are all destroyed by the information fool

You, Criminal

Information kills

The Terrible Web

In America...

...we might as well call ourselves spiders instead of human. Of all of our enlightenment we still act like primitive savages with information guns.

For a while I was watching the immigration debate over Mexicans coming into America illegally. America is pretty much founded on immigrants -but, this is different.

While out shopping at a local flee-market I over-heard some well tattoo'ed gang members talking about the new "infiltration." Basically the strategy is simple: Send all of the children and women over the border. This apparently is the first line of a covert militaristic action. Once the children and women get over the border they are sent to different places in America. Where they end up becomes a point of contact for the gangs and cartels. Since many of the children come here illegally most of them will have no chance, thus they grow up to be foot-soldiers in ever growing drug and gang violence.

Looks like America is about to become the United States of Mexico.

I don't understand why anyone would want to come to America. It is not the land of milk and honey as once thought. Now it is the land of blood and money. In order to get ahead some random fortune must either happen to you, or, you have to do something next up to an illegal hustle.

The Cops and Police are becoming more militaristic than ever before. Wars America fights over-seas are basically training grounds and demonstrations for what will be done upon it's own soil. Fat, drug using, weekend militia warriors act as if they are going to save the county, but the truth is most of them can barely see their shoe-laces over their belly.

The number of criminals in America (which is all Americans if you go by the Law) are as close as one room away from you. It is even harder to deal with Family when Family is nothing more than a luxury after the necessities for survival are met.

The politicians in America are interested in improving their resumes and playing golf while most Americas can barely live pay-check-to-paycheck. All we make is gone before it gets to us, and Uncle Slam-Evil has all Americans bent over back-wards on the receiving end of a sand-paper-dong. You can never own anything in America, always pay for it -and so will your family and children.

Old and decrepit politicians from by-gone eras and ways of thinking have egotistically, brutally, and savagely murdered all hope for a future in the land of Liberty. It is as if everyone in the world is frantically attempting to swim to the Mountain of America in hopes of reaching the top and not drowning in the madness that has become the world.

America promotes entertainment of every kind -the ultimate tool for pacification. Entertainment has become the staple addictive American diet right next up to sugar, salt, and nicotine. The Government has successfully made the largest majority of people in America: fat, addicted, pacified, stupid, unaware, utterly and totally weak and powerless. America messes around over seas and yet can not get things right on its own soil.

Democratic Capitalism has turned every Man, Woman, and Child against each other. America is now the Rome of the present with more blasphemy and evil than the past Rome. American Leaders build-up and program the people just to break them down and tortuously make them die horrific long deaths once known as life.

I'm not into end-of-times or Apocalypse, but the American craziness and world craziness keeps moving at a rate that makes me think that people enjoy destroying one another and their selves.

Right now, my family lives below the poverty level, pay-check-to-pay-check, and wonder what the next day will bring. The only thing we know is the eternal suffering of the present.

As much as I enjoy writing, music, and art -those things mean nothing when you have nothing, and are only good to those who can profit from them.

Today, I looked at the world, and, I don't want to be blinded or pacified -and, I surely do not want to die prematurely.

In America, all I can see at this time is destruction, hatred, and death -much like the rest of the world.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

The Last and Fleeting

We live as the end always ending
And yet wish for the beginning

Goth, I know it very well
A realistic life -the living a hell

I could wish for a second, third, or new life again
Those who are always quick to say I am not worth anything to mention

All we ever wanted in a dream
Between blood red moments trickling in stream

It is easier to get by and live when you have everything
Of all I have fought...I can give my family nothing

There is no religion, politics, or government that saves
Although they make believers through coercion directly into slaves

I have been a slave all of my life and only know limitation
It hurts to swallow, bled dry, bone dry, nothing but deprivation

If there is a God or higher power it has never heard me
It does not grant me death, nor from this Earthen hell does it free me

If you have money then you will live
If you are poor to you death will give

I've burned my family, buried my family, watched death take them all away
There is only cruel humor in the price of this damnation that forever we pay

Never have I lived a life of denial
But the world enjoys escapism and mindless revival

Trapped between culture politics and style
Hating this life more than endless miles

Slaves born into a false world of hope
Easier for rich people to talk and cope

All my family has literally suffered and died
Leaders and politicians, because of them -they lied

Today wondering about clean water and shelter
Political Correct elite act like serial killers helter skelter

My online world grows more worthless everyday
Thinking my thoughts would make money that would pay

We are losing everything: lives, food, water, and home
Like homeless starving transients through this world we roam

There is no such thing as a land of milk and honey
There is only politicians, tyrants, and war mongers of blood money

As a Goth inside I cry and die at the same time
Right now I wonder if my life has ever been mine.