Thursday, December 25, 2014

Awkward and Abnormal - Aren't we all.

...what a day to write a post -you know(redundant use of common language).

Awkward and Abnormal -the real standard of life that exists within us all. For me being awkward and abnormal has been a life-long experience -the best mistress(quoting Leo Davinci there).

I can't dance but, I can shake my but a little. I can't sing but I can string words and off-meter melodies well in a shower. I can't do "normal" simply because "normal" is something different to everyone and everywhere. I can't meet up to the expectations of society, or the world, or everyday people because I can't read peoples minds and live up to the bar of "normality".

Believe me, it would be nice to be treated as human, accepted as human, and live through a stereotype that is convenient for everyone. It would be nice to have friends that are your friend without expectation. It would be nice to "not play games" but live life better than a game and -you win no matter what. It is hard to not be accepted by your own kind and world. It hurts me everyday.

One time I wanted to be in music and sing, make videos, dance, do fancy-smanshy interviews and bump uglies with the star and celeb world but -then I realized that I guess I don't have what it takes.

One time I wanted to write and draw but -then I realized that my version of language and what is grammatically correct are light years apart -not to mention all my rejected scripts and the "two copies" of my little poetry book that I published with a decade of poetry I literally died to save and hold on too. And my art -I'm afraid to post it as some shrink will tell me how I am libel to cut my ear off for some strange aesthetic I've included.

One time I wanted to be an athlete but -then I realized that I was not super-man enough to leap a mountain of giants in order to score and help the team. Who knew that throwing a ball through a hole and running a ball across a line would be the difference between men and gods.

One time I wanted to be free but -then I realized that everyone only knows freedom by the sheer amount of limitations that are in place all around us. Sometimes, we don't really know freedom but we certainly know limitation -and sadly death for all we know is the ultimate liberator and then subject to another universal mountain of deities with mountains of spiritual limitations put in place.

So, what do I do now? The same thing I have always done, "Remain awkward and abnormal forever."

It's weird to think that you live every day of your life and you think you do the right things. Or, at best, really you just live day to day and hope to do your best to survive. You watch the Sun and the Moon pass through the sky -and though you think to see the next, we kind of pass towards denial when we leave the awareness of endings behind us.

It's crazy for me to hear the "new normality" or the song or the dance or the way we live life and then there is some standard put into place that next to no one can live up to.

I just honestly do not know normal and I don't know what that is like. Believe me, I've tried, I've struggled, I tried to fit in and -I'm left to know that no matter how hard I "try to be normal" it will never happen. At least not that I know of.

It's funny though that I have come to find that in this world that there is no such thing as "normal". There is no trend that is "normal". There is no star, celebrity, religion, politics, or expression that is normal.

The only thing that I know is that being: "Awkward and Abnormal is the only true normal that will ever be the true to life standard of being."

Looking at my awkward and abnormal face in the mirror...as much as I do not understand it or myself, "There is a certain beauty in being Awkward and Abnormal."

Sunday, December 21, 2014

From the Tribe of Cat

...so many moons. Funny to think the kittens I once had became cats. They were my friends; they passed in time. Now even as a cat -living in the Imperial Domain- it is strange to think the idols, stars, and entertainers seem to come and go without real impact on the world. They speak of substance, but how much substance can be derived from disingenuous sources that know no more of the real world and love than they say they are aware every moment of their lives? Is this why you prefer not my paw to the pawing of a collective that sees you no more than vanity and possession?

Oh Bastet (or so I shall call  you), if you exist why do you punish me so. You have no need to be anything other than what you are. All love is insane, but only badly if it is not met with the same level of insanity. I watched you dance -horribly, but not more horribly than I have danced...as if life is not one insane dance.

And insanity -how could one not be considered insane to have either wanted or experienced so much? Who really cares for weekends or fleeting moments when what you want are fairytales -really lived- that last through the four cycles of life until by death we wait to hold hands and touch lips beyond the pale. My darling, I feel cold. For it seems this incarnation of mine is no more of anything than for each time my hand reaches into empty space wanting to know you are there. Why should we sell the thing we are if we are only seen as an animal?

Going through the motions: painting, writing,...trying to convince an entirely cold-hearted and fleeting world that I am not what it thinks me to be(nothing) any more than my whiskers help me to see at night, only holding for balance of a shape that resembles a vessel of limited proportions.

Milk? No, only for baths. Whiskey? No, only for loneliness and when I feel the need to push for a danger that is more imitative than the passing layers of thought within mind. Oh my beloved cat friend, how I miss you. The way you looked, the way you would purr, the way you sat upon my shoulder thinking me the throne of your untamed world. And it was, and I was just a student of wild things drapped under a skin that was no more mine than the breathes...that left me speechless.

Looking to your centuries, I wondered how many incarnations you went through in a lifetime -perhaps to appease a world that would say it loved you, but, never did. Am I insane to be whatever you want, when I am not sure what you want, but the entire world of our history would claim to say that we are the wonder of loving insanity. And, I thought I just lived. Even upon the chess board of life we all lay our pieces down when we have mastered the slavery of our own self-imposed weariness.

I'd settle for a world of catnip of your love that never ran out than all the printing paper those who walk supposedly upright call money.

Yes, you are still the catnip to my lips, eyes, and mind. Warhol may have stated that those never met are better than those had -but, I hate that and disagree with it. I have no wish to be plastic and lay here in imaginary silk while you wear an invisible crown.

If I am insane for loving you then, we both know the truth of loving each other insanely was the very reason we loved -and, loved one another.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

St. of Holy Tears - A Prayer for my Gothic-World-Family.

My Holy Goth Family, I pray that you will have life ever-lasting and eternal.

I pray for you without ceasing. I will intercede for you into forever.

May all your words, actions, and deeds be blessed of the highest and the holiest.

May your splendor and radiance shine unto the Lights Eternal.

May all your pain be perished and your pleasure unending.

I pray you always be loved, have strength of spirit, and energy of your will of Life.

I pray you find life beyond transition and find Life Eternal.

My Holy Goth Family, I bless you in the Holiest of the Holiest Names.

May these tears wash you and make you as infinite purity and Love.

So May it Be.

I Love you.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

The Power of Intention

What is the intent of our life?

The Power of Intention can be the difference of whether the pendulum of our lives swing from one extreme of the light unto the other of the darkness. What we entertain, what we think about, and how we think we align ourselves in life can lead to who we become. It can also lead to fate(if such a thing is).

Even if we are doing something positive, how much negativity is within it? Even if we are doing something negative, how much positivity is within in? How can we purify our intentions unto a state beyond justification or sanctification? I believe we can be justified or sanctified without religion, philosophy, or politics.

In Goth, I believe I had embraced a more or less Romantic side with disciplines of chivalry. With chivalry, I believe that it lives on in the hearts and mind of those who choose to embrace such ideas.

Mischeif should never find us and peace should be our ideal. Childish things (as nostalgic as they might be) must fade away in order for us to grow more fully into the thing that it is that we are.

Goth has had centuries to grow and expand beyond the pale of what it once was. Goth did not always embrace the ideals of "darkness" as they do in todays commercial world. Since the 70's, rebellion may be apart of change and Goth influence, but for some reason it seemed to trend when certain people were concerned with their ideologies whatever they may have been.

In Goth or Life, we can "intend" to embrace what we want and discard the rest. Our moral or ethical character determines how we express our path.

Goth -to me- is a sense of understanding the "realness" of life, and its certain ending in death. This is not to mean anything fatalistic. It simply means a realistic outlook on life, seeking truth, and avoiding that of which does not compass the heart. Be true to thine-self. Live not in lies or denial.

The things we think about -like intentions- can be very dangerous. It is easy to get swept away with any form of ideology: politics, religion, life-style. What is most import is to separate the wheat from the chaff. Or basically separating what is important and necessary from what is not. All of these things stem from intention.

As a Goth, what is our Gothic-Intention? Do we intend Gothic-Darkness, or, Gothic-Light?

Do we intend good or evil? Do we intend right or wrong? Do we intend truth or lie?

Our intentions with others is the same way. Even the chaos theory states the power of the fluttering of a butter-flys wings. So too is the power of intention in our relations and interactions with others. Do we intend to engage in good prosperous relations or destroy those around us? The strongest of people have weakness and vice versa for the weak.

Most people do not seem to think before they speak. We live almost seemingly reactionary lives. Stimulation becomes input; Our reactions become spontaneous output. If we think before we either speak or act, the possibility is greater that we cause less harm of infractions upon one another and ourselves. You might ask, "Why should I care?" The fact is that we all live in one world. And each of us has only one life. Our world and lives are interconnected in ways that are beyond our abilities to comprehend. If we "intend" to live life for ourselves and no one else, we come to find that form of intention whithers and dies as no leaf or branch lives for very long cut from the Tree of Life.

Just think, "If all of our lives are interconnected in one way or another -like relationships- why would I not want to intend to do the best I can for myself and others?" There may be some amount of truth that, "Good deeds do not go unpunished."  This might be true for action and reaction on some level, but from my experience, "One good deed can be life changing in positive ways for ourselves and others."

Intend for the best in all things: Goth, Life, Love.

Monday, September 8, 2014

Through the Pipes -Memories.

Currently Listening: Type-O-Negative "October Rust"

Is it just me, or does listening to some classic Goth Rock/Metal inspire you? It's like driving down back-roads getting drunk or high with your best friends. And, at the same time listening to all the underground Metal or other styles of music that confirm how truly alive you are.

Type-O-Negative "October Rust" album is one of those albums that brings out the: fear, the pain, the happiness, the joy,...the love. I remember and feel so much when I listen to this album.

R.I.P. P.S. -Sometimes I wish they were still around. Makes me think about all the friends and few lovers that I have ever had.

It's not October yet, but...I feel the cold(not a bad chill) of remembrance and reflecting on life(as if I ever stop reflecting). What is is that makes us, us? What happens to all of our memories when we are no more, or sadly by chance we forget them?

What price would you pay or what would you do in order to feel everything that felt so right to you?

If you could go back in your life and correct things, or start your life over again, what would you do?

If you lost someone, or someone died, and you could say anything to them right now, what would you say? (I would say I love you and hug them as long and as hard as I could.)

One time my friend got some Mezcal. Kind of bad to go to the bathroom and start tripping. Everything kind of flies out of both ends, and then you realize how far up in the air you are when you sit on the pot (gross, I know right?).

Anyway, during my experience(trip) I saw everyone and everything I loved. Then, it seemed as if I was viewing my entire life and memories "through the pipes." I've been taught to be cold, unemotional, and as tough as all the other bad-ass men in the world. But, I realize they all die no matter how bad they are.

Now,  I just want to live -by the powers that be all I want is to live in freedom and peace. To be able to experience all the beauty of life and have great experiences. It's been a hard ride to be myself as it is for all people.

Lately, think I punish myself more for not taking out more time and making more quality experiences with the people who have meant the most to me. Being a human-animal-creature-thing is the most confusing and easy thing to fuck up in the entire world.

Maybe...I'm fucked up like everyone else because I don't know any other way. Maybe...I'm pure and sanctified because I see what the world is and what it is not. Maybe...I'm alone because I'm cursed and damned by other cursed and damned people who have failed at life but consider my failures worse than there own.

In the end, well...it is not over until it's over. And, we just do whatever we do in the mean-time(mean time, get it?).

Right now, beautiful Type-O music in my ear, this screen, pouring through thoughts that might mean nothing to anyone but me, used by my enemies and haters to destroy me, laughed at by those more elite and intelligent than me -----but, in this moment ---all my family, my friends(most now past or gone away), these few empty breaths ----my empty cold lips....

..."through the pipes of my memories, I reach out to live". Think something has happened to me, something I don't understand. Like I know and feel everything is ok and has a reason even if I never understand it.

Although I am alone, despised, and think good thoughts(moral character and all) maybe at some point in my small life of humility, maybe hope and good things will smile on me.

I have been thinking/Meditating(if you will) on eight words. No religious or philosophical links. Just words to think on. They are:

Faith - Maybe aspire to think greater thoughts for others and ourselves.
Moral excellence - Maybe be strong enough to have good character.
Knowledge - Always study and learn (I'm slow so I always need to improve this one.)
Temperance - Moderation in all things I guess.
Patience - Be able to stand resolute, understand cycles of time, and be willing to deal.
Godliness - Um, maybe just an idea to shoot for in being the best we can be as people.
Brotherly/Sisterly Kindness - Simple being good to other people (helps in a world like this.)
Love - Perhaps the greatest treasure we can ever experience or know (One day I will find this.)

To all my friends and family, and Goths -maybe one day we can have the best. Maybe things can be better than memories and yet, maybe we will be able to make the best memories that live beyond the veils of life and death.

Friday, August 15, 2014

Battle of the Warrior Medicine Heart

What is in your heart?

I believe that there is something that separates what we are from the latent ego of the heartless savage within us. Our elements compose us in such a way that in this world we battle inside as well as out.

Studying many different cultures, warriors, and spiritual people has led me upon a path as infinite as the stars. It is obvious that the union is there, but so is the chaos. Hermetically, it takes much discipline to still the swaying pendulum. For if ever that pendulum swings to hard, it may in fact damage the riding vessel.

I have been: demon, angel, spawn, womb, creation, destruction, warrior, priest, empty, full, existent, and non-existent, and Goth.

Before me I have found the gateless-barriers and traversed and passed them. Many ladder of lights have appeared and I have ascended them. Created and broken many seals in my search for wisdom and knowledge.

In this element, the grosser world and elements that we know are primitive enough to make us thirst for beginning and ending. These things also compel us to leave this sordid state and aspire to become something more -if that is more than an imagining.

There have been moments in my life where I have experienced extraordinary things. Some philosophy speaks to the fact that I might have had something defined as an "NDE" (near-death-experience). The few times this has happened I have felt I have crossed somewhere or somehow (even if just an interpreted experience) and come to find there is something more than this reality. Yes, coming close to and experiencing death changes you if you are one who still lives.

Without knowing the difference between lesser matter and greater energy (as in intelligence and knowledge) I do no feel either I or others would have ever had the chance to evolve. At this time, it is clearly obvious that there can be life but it does not have a true awareness of existing or really living. In order to separate the wheat from the chaff, we must not assume metaphysically of any kind of imagined things. It is wiser to realize there is an infinite hierarchy in every form and dimension. These things have been pondered for as long as known history has been recorded.

Far too many live in the un-reality(illusion) of the material reality. Yes, it is very tangible to our extremely limited senses. With our basic physiological senses there is little way for us to comprehend a greater sense of totality in the small pockets of existence in which we reside.

To know what you are, your place, and being able to extend and see yourself beyond "you" and this "material reality" should be a extremely important aspiration.

Almost all knowledge that we develop here on this lesser level of gross reality, no matter how enlightened or inspired is still a "lesser gross knowledge". It is only so often that "pure distilled wisdom and knowledge" finds its way into our understanding.

All of these things are proved through various religions, sciences, and even physics. So, there is no need to imagine or embellish. To the evil or lesser mind, all of this is non-sense, holds no focus for them and is often subject to the limited mind and hatred of human-kind. Sad that most humans only live for so long. It takes a long period of time to develop the "long omniscient awareness" of time and space.

It is important to know who you are, what is inside you, and the path that you are/will traverse in this thing we define as life. If you seek good....if you seek evil -these things you will find in every degree, every action, and every form.

If you are not careful, you become what you seek whether knowingly or not. Without understanding your doubles, shadows, copies, and other alternate incarnations -you will not escape the wheel and become whatever your "willed-intention" manifests.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

American Food Stamps

The Nazi fascist state gives us a card to pacify us with food
The state denies you a job and to the bottom of culture you are glued

You can starve to death, lose honor or take the card
Paying for groceries with Food Stamps becomes the longest shaming yard

The card you try to hide not to be ashamed that you are starving and need
The folks behind you laugh and snicker with their shaking fatness and greed

People blame me because I live in poverty and am poor
No jobs hire you nor does opportunity come to the door

Each time I shove a piece of buttered bread in my mouth empty
I realize that the system of false money will never deliver or save me

I've slaved before and paid my life-blood money to government before
Have you ever walked through the ghetto and seen all the rainbow children crying on the floor

American Food Stamps like a hungry Red Scarlet Shame
I'm dying, hungry, and starving to much to admit I have this card and have to play the game

It is simple: "I can either eat or die. But the truth is, I already feel dead."

Have you ever cried your tears on a piece of bread?

America -I lived here and died here.

Family Sky Falling Down

Today I talked more with another Family member who is about to die. Time seems like it is forever until a Doctor informs you how much time you have left. Couple that with the rest of your Family that can not afford medical care any more than they can pay bills or afford groceries to eat.

It is crazy to think that in America -the land of milk and honey/or blood and money- a majority of its people are not taken care of, hungry, dying of medical issues -the greatest of all people are suffering and dying.

Insurance has just become an excuse(gamble) to pay which you already have no money to pay. Insurance is so bad that even if you pay it you don't know if that money you paid in will really help to keep you alive. But, it will fill the pockets of Doctors, Insurance providers, and politicians. Funny how these particular three sets of people determine whether you live or die

Many states do not have good or basic medical care. Sure, if you are Bill Gates or any other insanely rich person and have money, you will get help. If you live in poverty or are broke, you can expect to die guaranteed.

Even if I sacrifice my organs, work like a slave at a job that pays nothing, or attempted to rob a bank or something -it still wouldn't save my family. This awesome American system we live in is: merciless, makes slaves of its people, takes care of others more than its own civilians, .........it utterly broken.......and my Family has to suffer and die for what? Red White and Blue??? So far, all I have seen is the cold bodies of my dead and dying Family, and....the color Red -their blood.

The coldest lesson I have ever had to fully realize is that, "My Family and everyone I know will eventually die one day."

I wish things weren't this way. Feels like the 'Perfect Circle' song 'Weak and Powerless' endlessly plays in my mind on repeat.

I would give my life and everything that I am and have if I could make things not be this way. I would give it all so they would never suffer and never die.

If there is a higher power somewhere in this universe, please I beg you find my words and make it so. I will give you my blood, my body, and all of my life if you will save my Family. I beg it of you. Sacrifice me and save them.

Poem: Family Sky Falling Down

Faces trailed by bodies fall from the sky
To shocked for reasons lips ask not why

What do you feel when you see your family suffering
Eternal love, honor, respect,...or just suffering

My Family has always been poor
American culture only gives the rich the score
We are always dying with less
They are always taking more

Too broke to buy caskets to bury
Sweep up the ashes in a canned slurry

Each member can't afford medical care
Life has become an infinite mind-field of beware

Hard to hear your family talk about how much time they have to live
Between choking up and crying I wonder if there is more I can give
Hard to give when you have absolutely nothing
The world could care less even if you brought something

Forget the end of all days
My Family is dying in a myriad of ways

Pay-check-to-pacy-check has killed us all
Bills murder you as the mountains of envelopes fall

Now I look at my Family as the walking-dead
No prayers, thoughts, or meditations help them screaming from my head
The Family that you will love forever
Has become the people that live and die together

We are cut down before we even make a sound
Family Sky Falling Down

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Changed, but Chased by Disbelief (Poem)

Life is a trip. We all know this. The moment you step up to bat, strike-out, and wonder about all the opportunities we missed. I have wanted to go back and say I'm sorry. There isn't anyone I know of that doesn't have some form of regret -unless maybe you haven't live a full-ranging life.

I've made more mistakes than I could ever count. It has been said,"To be human is to forever err." Day by day, I shape up, learn to do better and treat others as best as humanly possible -but, it isn't always easy.

A teacher told me once that I seem trapped or conflicted. She said,"You see the world the way it is, and yet, see the world how it could be." Talk about one of those ultimate moments of truth. It was like being struck by zen-like-lightning.

All I can do now is fully live in the moment, keep peace and happiness however I can, and roll with punches and hope that I can survive my injuries.

Strange, I still feel the need to put others before myself as I never really felt that I was that important. Loneliness is my greatest fear, and, I also fear that I will never be with someone and loved as deeply and as passionately as I love them. I fear I will lose everything, grow old and alone, never know true love, and never have had the chance to share my life and make good memories.

At one time I used to be happy-go-lucky and care free. Now, I live in a constant fear of doing wrong things. Now, I live in constant fear of loneliness. Now, I haven't had enough good quality relationships to even remember what Love is supposed to be or feel like. Don't get me wrong, I love my family but -I think good friends and companionship are used and abused and not given the importance in this world that they should have.

For all the good friends I have ever had, "I thank you, miss you, and I hope you will forgive my trespass."

For the very few lovers I have had, "Thank you for sharing those moments. Thank you for over-looking and accepting my imperfections. I hope you can forgive me if I have ever loved you wrong."

For all my teachers, "Please forgive me for being so slow to learn. It takes me a while since my learning-curve is pretty much strait-up. I do my best not to forget your lessons. I have no idea what I would have done without you. Your slow, but loving student."

For everyone else, "I have no idea what you really know or think of me. But, I hope somewhere in your memories of me there is a light or ray of happiness. I wish you the best of all hopes, of all wishes, and a perfect life always and forever."

It is hard to be real with people and open up. The moment you say or do something that might be considered weak, you get labeled weak -or worse if you make a mistake. I do honestly wish for a chance to have that second chance we all dream about. For once, I do wish for love, not to be alone, not to be scared of other people, and live my life with some form or love or peace.

I have changed all my ways for the better. I can see it and feel it in my heart and who I am, but there are many who do not feel or see me as changed. It really feels like I have to embrace the hardest lesson of "letting go" -so to speak. Maybe all we can do is live this thing crazy thing called life. Personally, on the coldest stage of realness, I'd almost settle for one perfect moment of love.

Changed, but Chased by Disbelief (Poem)

It's true -I can tell you that I have changed my ways
Looking back moving on past the last of days

People don't want to believe you have changed your-self
It all comes down to what you got in looks or wealth

My music peers always tell me write to a heart beat
In this moment I seek forgiveness wisdom becomes what is sweet

If I could have those good times again you bet I would
If I could have known my true unknown friends and lovers I'd make it all very good

We strap ourselves down and others trap us to past deeds
All I'm doing now is looking to plant the right virtues of future seeds

I let go of my ego and what it was that I was
No need to hang on to failure like an excuse of words just because

When my feet have stumbled I learned what it was to loose it all
Strait Strutting a strait path is the higher road to that Heavenly call

I've never had nothing so I know how to make the moment last
All of my words become musical to stand against the darkness cast

In this moment I truly want to tell those I wronged how sorry I am
Too many moments had me unfocused to the burden laden jam

As many as I know tears are something I should never cry
Hard when all the fire and smoke begin to cloud your eyes

Swallowed my pride and learned hard how to forget and forgive
To all the people I have ever known or loved I hope life offers the best of what it has to give

At this moment, through all my tears, I let it all go and send out Pure Love.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

You, Criminal (Information Kills) - Poem

Today I thought not only about the people I know but the people who live in the surrounding areas. My homeland is starting to look like a 3rd world country and I definitely know what 4th world living is like. Almost everyone has a credit problem or a criminal problem. This issue at the center of this is "information." Thanks to our all-mighty internet criminal histories, shame, guilt, and hatred now last forever online. Anyone can access your information, find out where you live, and essentially know more about you than you.

I've been a victim of this -of others stalking me online, stealing my personal information and attempting to end my life by spreading vicious rumors. It is as we can live life no-more thanks to how information is used and abused even if it is in the so-called hands of who-ever thinks they are an authority. To me, I don't think it is right to play God with anyone's life no matter who you are or what your profession is.


Information Kills

You, Criminal
Forever your sins information subliminal

If you mess up, no second chances never look back
The Devil in the machine will cut your gut sack

Drone authorities feed the hive
You will be damned in death and alive

Criminal information stored in military stock-holds
Information kills at a rate faster than most common colds

The intelligent say it is necessary
The poor and weak think it is beyond scary

We are no longer white as snow
One background check will blow -your life away

You, Criminal
Mess up once and your life is over and gone
Internet sentinels gather information on you in order to make you wrong

Even if you changed the internet will forever make you damned
A credit card in evil hands puts your informational throat in demand

Internet, the greatest enlightened death dealing tool
Forever we are all destroyed by the information fool

You, Criminal

Information kills

The Terrible Web

In America...

...we might as well call ourselves spiders instead of human. Of all of our enlightenment we still act like primitive savages with information guns.

For a while I was watching the immigration debate over Mexicans coming into America illegally. America is pretty much founded on immigrants -but, this is different.

While out shopping at a local flee-market I over-heard some well tattoo'ed gang members talking about the new "infiltration." Basically the strategy is simple: Send all of the children and women over the border. This apparently is the first line of a covert militaristic action. Once the children and women get over the border they are sent to different places in America. Where they end up becomes a point of contact for the gangs and cartels. Since many of the children come here illegally most of them will have no chance, thus they grow up to be foot-soldiers in ever growing drug and gang violence.

Looks like America is about to become the United States of Mexico.

I don't understand why anyone would want to come to America. It is not the land of milk and honey as once thought. Now it is the land of blood and money. In order to get ahead some random fortune must either happen to you, or, you have to do something next up to an illegal hustle.

The Cops and Police are becoming more militaristic than ever before. Wars America fights over-seas are basically training grounds and demonstrations for what will be done upon it's own soil. Fat, drug using, weekend militia warriors act as if they are going to save the county, but the truth is most of them can barely see their shoe-laces over their belly.

The number of criminals in America (which is all Americans if you go by the Law) are as close as one room away from you. It is even harder to deal with Family when Family is nothing more than a luxury after the necessities for survival are met.

The politicians in America are interested in improving their resumes and playing golf while most Americas can barely live pay-check-to-paycheck. All we make is gone before it gets to us, and Uncle Slam-Evil has all Americans bent over back-wards on the receiving end of a sand-paper-dong. You can never own anything in America, always pay for it -and so will your family and children.

Old and decrepit politicians from by-gone eras and ways of thinking have egotistically, brutally, and savagely murdered all hope for a future in the land of Liberty. It is as if everyone in the world is frantically attempting to swim to the Mountain of America in hopes of reaching the top and not drowning in the madness that has become the world.

America promotes entertainment of every kind -the ultimate tool for pacification. Entertainment has become the staple addictive American diet right next up to sugar, salt, and nicotine. The Government has successfully made the largest majority of people in America: fat, addicted, pacified, stupid, unaware, utterly and totally weak and powerless. America messes around over seas and yet can not get things right on its own soil.

Democratic Capitalism has turned every Man, Woman, and Child against each other. America is now the Rome of the present with more blasphemy and evil than the past Rome. American Leaders build-up and program the people just to break them down and tortuously make them die horrific long deaths once known as life.

I'm not into end-of-times or Apocalypse, but the American craziness and world craziness keeps moving at a rate that makes me think that people enjoy destroying one another and their selves.

Right now, my family lives below the poverty level, pay-check-to-pay-check, and wonder what the next day will bring. The only thing we know is the eternal suffering of the present.

As much as I enjoy writing, music, and art -those things mean nothing when you have nothing, and are only good to those who can profit from them.

Today, I looked at the world, and, I don't want to be blinded or pacified -and, I surely do not want to die prematurely.

In America, all I can see at this time is destruction, hatred, and death -much like the rest of the world.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

The Last and Fleeting

We live as the end always ending
And yet wish for the beginning

Goth, I know it very well
A realistic life -the living a hell

I could wish for a second, third, or new life again
Those who are always quick to say I am not worth anything to mention

All we ever wanted in a dream
Between blood red moments trickling in stream

It is easier to get by and live when you have everything
Of all I have fought...I can give my family nothing

There is no religion, politics, or government that saves
Although they make believers through coercion directly into slaves

I have been a slave all of my life and only know limitation
It hurts to swallow, bled dry, bone dry, nothing but deprivation

If there is a God or higher power it has never heard me
It does not grant me death, nor from this Earthen hell does it free me

If you have money then you will live
If you are poor to you death will give

I've burned my family, buried my family, watched death take them all away
There is only cruel humor in the price of this damnation that forever we pay

Never have I lived a life of denial
But the world enjoys escapism and mindless revival

Trapped between culture politics and style
Hating this life more than endless miles

Slaves born into a false world of hope
Easier for rich people to talk and cope

All my family has literally suffered and died
Leaders and politicians, because of them -they lied

Today wondering about clean water and shelter
Political Correct elite act like serial killers helter skelter

My online world grows more worthless everyday
Thinking my thoughts would make money that would pay

We are losing everything: lives, food, water, and home
Like homeless starving transients through this world we roam

There is no such thing as a land of milk and honey
There is only politicians, tyrants, and war mongers of blood money

As a Goth inside I cry and die at the same time
Right now I wonder if my life has ever been mine.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Symphony Succulent

If not for love we lay, unto our hearts we sway.

Away and bound the only sound, lovers do play.

Hands together, fingers tight, bodies make flames light.

The passion burns, yearns as hunger unending pain.

Not to kiss or void of touch emptiness remains.

Sweet as a Coo, singing amor, clothes upon floor.

Heat like candle light, shadow play frolicking on door.

Portal as gate, the merry we make, heavens fate.

Lips to lips, finger tips to hips, whip your hair round.

Sounds of musical fixtures, throws of one mixture.

Symphony Succulent, rapture becomes laughter.

More games played bare-sweet, upon bodies down to feet.

Back unto neck, and waist, unto chest kissing heart.

We all know how love ends, always ready to start.

Dew Revere

A gift of love; amor does find the heart inside.

The lift of dove; to soar thus mind sifts above time.

Sadness becomes a past blur, dressed up coy demure.

Idleness benumbs a past blur, the moment not taken dumb's.

Feeling a fancy, feet to dancing and we grin.

Hold to romancing, sweet a fading and we spin.

Of the bed our joy was wed in passion a new.

Red of cheek and lips a blaze, eyes deep color of blue.

Beyond intention, blissful mention ascension.

We rise and fall, our time a simple call to home.

Among the airy lightness, two shells brightly shine.

Along with very slightness, two bells marry true.

A song remember December, a gift of you.

Twas night sharing, daring, holding, morning love dew.

Monday, June 16, 2014


  1. TimetobustlooseDr.Seuss
  2. DevouraflockofcratesGreyGoose
  4. RollingSwish(er)Delicious(er)thanaNickiMinajPosition(er)
  6. PartakingoftheTakenindulgentdrinkMaiden
  7. SalivatinglikeafeignFixingafixUnladen
  9. HigherThanamadManPossessedbylyricalLimericks
  10. WiserThanaCan(ned)hamProcessedbypreservativeIngredients
  12. MoreunknownthanaSilentMoanmoaningAloneinSilence
  13. MoreunknownthanaViolentVideoGroangroaningaboutViolence
  15. IfthereisauseinspeakinglikeDr.Seuss
  16. BewareThereisauseinthewisewordsoftheProfuse
  17. (Mystery)


  1. Bouttimeformetodothis
  2. Beyondashadowofadoubtnomiss
  4. Kisstheringgoldtoppedwithcrys(tal)
  5. Ordertheranksstopdropandroll
  6. Firetheherbandstack/packthebowl
  8. Higherthanaplane/maintaintheflightplan
  9. Morethanamissionmakingmoneydemand
  11. Meonstageandragingtoanewbeat
  12. It'supandit'sontilwehitthestreets.