Monday, February 19, 2018

Thursday, February 15, 2018

My meditation before writing:

“I wish for the innumerable sentient beings to be liberated from suffering. I wish for the innumerable sentient beings to attain enlightenment. I wish for all innumerable sentient beings to be Auspicious.”

Quote: Lemmy Kilmister of the Band “MotorHead” - “Fuck God and Fuck the Devil and Fuck the Church too. I’m responsible for my actions. I don’t need to hide behind nothing. I did it…whatever I did.”

Quote: Dale Earn Heart -  “We can’t all be good guys. Some of us have to wear black hats.”

Quote Satan: Job 2:4 -”Skin for skin, yea, all that a man hath will he give for his life.”

Quote Jesus Christ: Mar 10:18 & Luke 18:19 - “Why callest thou me good?”

Quote Swami Vivekananda: “Those who can become mad upon an idea, those alone will see light.”

The above quotes are not exactly what I mean but, I believe they encapsulate what I feel about some of how I currently see some things in life. It’s hard to express, vent, let it out, or say anything without someone getting butt-hurt and taking things the wrong way. I guess you could say “I have had a lot on my mind the past month or so.” I feel that collective we seek more to “Police and Dominate one another than Help or Forgive.” I don’t really feel any of our choices are our own, or, have ever been our own. Based on who I have talked to and what information I have had access to, everything has already been planned out for all of us well into the future. The details of our lives are essentially meaningless in the “Big Picture that has already been painted for all of our lives.” Freedom and Choice are cleverly crafted illusions.

Disclaimer: These are just reflections based upon meditations and general observations of the world. In no  such certain words, actions, deeds, or writing do I condone violence. However, I do reserve the Right to: Read, Write, and Reflect. These words are not meant to harm or cause suffering. These are purely reflections intended to teach and inform, right? And, “venting” some observations about the negative world.  Most of what I write about isn’t new, or unknown, and most of what I write about has been known for ages by some, understood by few, and ultimately cared for by none. Often, I feel like I “walk the fine line” between whatever it is to be human, and the life-long savagery I have been exposed to.

Human history, as far back as we have, has been “Horrific.” People only seem to “take action, speak out, or pay attention after something happens.” The phatasmagoriffic and yet complex system of darkness in the hear of humankind is unfathomable to most. But, if you do not understand the heights and the depths of the human creature then, what is it that you really understand other than “after-the-fact-reaction?”

Reactionary Chaos is indeed worse that Controlled Authoritarianism. Anarchy and Rebellion is simply the dual-edged indicator of an infection deciding how to heal itself. Oh the Pendulum sways violently.

Most people will go right up to the edge of anything if they can get away with it. All lines in society are imaginary abstract ideological lines. Society frowns upon those that cross those imaginary lines despite the fact that many will still do whatever they can do, or get away with in life upon various levels and degrees.

Harsh as it is to say, “There are no real good or bad people to clarify what’s real and isn’t. There are only those who do and don’t. Judgments and opinions are a dime a dozen and “always after the fact.”

There is no difference between a “Citizen or a Savage” when is comes down to life and death survival. Some will argue the fact “until” they are placed into that deadly situation. We only accept change and progress when things “appear to go our way.” People destroy, deny, slant, and reason in whatever way that they want regardless of what side they stand on -if it does to serve “their purpose.” Each person says that “their side is the right side” while the other screams and points the finger that “their side is the side of right.” Evade, deny, re-spin is the actionable rule of the day.

When it all really goes down, and shit hit’s the Apocalyptic Fan -so to speak- will it really matter in the end? Who knows? And, who says watching the world burn -as it is now- isn’t reflective of humanity?

Since I have little ability to speak-out with a heard voice, with any form of reason shared by few, it seems all I can do is vent or write at best. I would say I am a person but, I am a number. I would say I have a life but, am nothing more than a collection of data-points, in a empty lifeless profile, stored away in a database. I would say I have a soul but, the machines have had control over my entire existence in one way, or another. I wish that it were not so.

“Will instant, improved, and enhanced background checks become Judge, Jury, and Executioner?”

People think advancements in technology are great. However, I wonder how long before technological darkness sets in completely over our lives. If we have no “Mastery of Ourselves” then, how do we expect to not become subservient to technological judgment?

“Is Technological Judgment Day coming?”

I can not entirely write or express what I know. I can not entirely write what I have experienced or have had access to. If I did, I have absolutely no doubts that I would disappear in an instant, and be erased well beyond the non-existence that I already live in.

If only people only knew the true ends of all the pacification, escapism, religiosity, illusion, and vanity built to deceive and control all. Often, I ask myself, “Who am I?” I have lived several lives -so to speak-, I have had many names -so to speak-, and have no choice to continue in the same if I wish to live and survive.

It is hard if not impossible to express compassion, sympathy, remorse, forgiveness, or anything we consider human to those who are void of such things. There are those who understand such things to a limited degree but, they do not acknowledge them, care for them, and see them for the vanity of the illusions of mental programming for which most of them are at best.

There are powerful monsters in this world. They are those who control the world, and, your life. The daily and nightly News Media that show  “so-called Criminal Monsters” on TV, or on the Internet, or on Social Networking are the smallest and the least form(s) of Evil that exist in this world. The most powerful evil Monsters in this world are: Bad Government/Politicians/Leaders/Authorities/Money Systems, and to be lucidly stark, “Humanity.” I do feel the “News Media” is deceitful, divisive, and destructive.

Survival is never as simple and as easy “as those that have and have been provided for think.” The difference between life and death is but the blink of an eye. At some point, the details are irrelevant.

Victory in the ring in irrelevant. Singular so-called victories are short-lived as false opponents are never-ending. We ourselves are our own worse opponent. We fail by seeking victory outside ourselves. There is no victory in the end of life, and only so few live long enough to understand the temporary and fleeting.

I believe in Compassion and Mercy and Benevolence. At the same time, I feel like “venting and screaming” in order to get out of me what the world influences me to feel sometimes. And, I don’t really have any beliefs or anything set in stone. I don’t have time for any of that shit. It takes tremendous discipline to balance all the components that make up the myriad of our own archetypical internal cults of personality. But, to look at all those nerves, the chemicals, and strange grey matter would never lead one to discern a conscious mind. Although, how is it possible to say such a thing as the mind or life exists as we know it?

Beyond this point, the language here gets rough. So as my reflection/entry/diary continues, if you do not do well with profanity or harsh language, stop reading now. This is just a reflection. Not a predict future of some predetermined behavioral pattern aiming at some diabolical end game.

Most of the things people bitch, whine, and gripe about are absolutely worthless. This includes everything in Social Media and a majority of News Media outlets. If it doesn’t exclusively pertain to whether you are going to live or die, consider it worthless. There are plenty of other ways to spend what time you have on this miserable shit-ball of Earth than having your peace of mind fucked off by endless fucking idiots.

The skill, the talent, and the trick with words is that “anyone can literally use any word or sets of words or definitions to mean anything they want.” Plus, there are people who claim to control language and the use there-of. But, that is not true. It’s bullshit. If you can get the “gist or meaning across” then, you don’t have to be a master of language to get your point across. Simple enough.

With words, most of it is in the delivery. Also, depending on the “illusion of your station, or job, or whether you are a pre-tend leader/authority,” people have been programmed/groomed to interpret words and statements in certain semantic ways. Authorities, Religious Leaders, Politicians, Journalist and similar people have a skill in manipulating language to whatever end they want. And, because most people are programmed and under-educated not to know any better, those pretend authorities literally get away with “ideological murder and control and deception every single day.” See through the illusion, and you see through the person. It’s that simple.

See, this is what I get for “reading way too many books.” (Including using Dictionaries all the time.) However, it is possible to know too much (which I know nothing) but, knowing even a little is enough to see all the lies. Sadly, I have been severally punished for what I know and “seeing through it all.” Anyone can too (see through it all), and some do -but, not all. Those who do -like me- usually get set up for failure. It doesn’t make you rebellious or anti-authoritarian to stand up against what you disagree with, especially if you feel it stinks of “Horse-Shit.” Really now, what “System” is so True, So Pure, So Perfect that is it beyond simple, reasonable, logical scrutiny? The Answer: None.

I know clearly that no-person or life is any more or less important than any other. I know that no Leader or Authority is any more or less of an person than you or me. I know that 90 plus percent of our daily life is composed of endless amounts of vanity and illusion which I refer to lovingly as “Horse-Shit.”

I see through the Money, the Power, and the Control -and all of the Evil that makes them so. It is because of this that I have paid the price because forces(people with power and Authority) literally beat me down, destroyed my life, and literally killed me. However, the numbers of people like me are growing, and, there will be no force on Earth to stop us in numbers. Unless “certain stupid leaders do incredibly desperate and deadly things that none of us will survive.” But, in some respects, it is already far too late.

When people really get to the root and heart of the matter of the Human Condition, get rid of all the vanity and illusion of destruction, and understand “suffering” then, who knows, we might make it, or not. Of course, that is just my humble two-cent opinion. Shit, two-cents will not even buy a polished turd these days.

I have suffered because of “Abuse of Power.” I have suffered because “those in Authoritative positions decided I was a good, easy target.” I have suffered because “I have no way to protect my life.” So, like hundreds of millions of others, I’ve become a “Slave to the Powers that Be.” Maybe it’s right or wrong but, what if all the people who fucked me(you) in one way or another got a taste of what I’ve(we) lived through? What if they instantly died because a “higher-power” thought I(you) was a good person and struck them down? Who knows, right? Obviously, no one really knows and I’m not saying that would be right, but how many people do you fuck-up and fuck-over before “you get a taste of your own medicine?” Cause, Effect, Karma, Life’s a Bitch. There is no Good-cause without a Bad-Effect and vice versa. The Scales favor no-one and those who “toy with the scales are often judged by life accordingly.”

I wish I had a real say in “my life.” But, with the way the “American System and the World System” are; I wish I was but I don’t think my life will every be my own life. I just want to live my life and do what I want without any hang-ups, signs, crazy ass laws, commercialist bullshit, propaganda, or government oversight, or News Media. It’s like some have said that, “Freedom isn’t free, and there is no such thing as Freedom without Limitation.” Like there is absolutely no such thing as absolute safety. Figures. Welcome to the World, and wanna-be-heros and wanna-be-victims, and endless forms of 15-minutes-shame-to-famers.

I would like to be in a band, travel around the world, play music, and have a good time. But shit, there are so many fucked up people bent on making hell on Earth, I kind of watch that dream burn and die daily.

If it’s not Government and Politicians fucking everything up, it’s Religious people and the Cult Members. If it’s not some Crazy Ideological Group, it’s a fucked up Race group. If it’s not one bunch of crazy-ass people bent on fucking people up, it’s always another no matter what the name or purpose. Pathetic.

It’s all one huge stinking pile of steaming gooey runny Horse-Shit.

Shit, what the fuck is wrong with people? Is it to much to ask to just leave me the fuck alone and let me live my life? So far as I know it’s the only one I got with a limited amount of time. And honestly, I don’t really feel the need to “Bow down, be subject too, drowned in Laws, Fighting stupid fights, or being brain-washed by any kind of ideology or butt-hurt group with an agenda and loads of historical propaganda.”

I just want to live my life without any fucking problems. Is it really that fucking hard to understand?

Can I drink a beer and smoke a fucking joint in peace without someone getting butt-hurt or fucking with me? You would almost think life can be that easy but, fuck, it’s not.

I don’t pretend to be an: Authority, or a Leader, or a Religious/Cult Leader, or a Government Politician, or Journalist. I don’t have a flag, or a creed, or believe in anything. I have no agenda or purpose other than live my life. I would never pretend to be any of that other fucked-up bullshit. All of that bullshit has kept the world and people fucked up forever and day. Why can’t we put all those types of people on a fucking rocket and shoot them into outer-space? Why not?

I’m not really anti-anything other than Bullshit, but I will go ahead and say it because it is what I feel. Remember, this is a vent/rant/written expression and things I reflect on. I am not really anti-anything, nor am I pro-anything either. This is Not a statement of action or war or a precursor towards crazy. Like all the dumb-ass Politicians and Talking Media Heads say, “Let’s be clear.” Bullshit, right? Right.

This is how I feel right now:

Fuck Government & Politicians
Fuck your Politics and Beliefs - they aren’t mine and I don’t have any so fuck off ! ! ! ! !
Fuck Religions & Cults - I don’t need “Be-Jesus” or pray with my ass in the air.
Fuck News Media & Journalists - I have no love for any of you.
Fuck Authority - I don’t care who or what you are pretending to be
Fuck the Moral Authority - like you really  know what is right
Fuck the people with no Morals or whatever - You lack art
Fuck whiners for whining about whatever the fuck
Fuck Screamers screaming for whatever empty ended purpose
Fuck Everyone in Race Wars/Problems
Fuck every Race that tries to play every other race for whatever reason
Fuck the Victim and the Predator
Fuck the Guilty and the Innocent
Fuck the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
Fuck Everyone in Abuse of any and all kinds
Fuck every band-wagon from Race, to sexual abuse/misconduct, to gender, to whatever
Fuck Authorities, Leaders, and Anyone who pretends to be in power or important
Fuck Pop Culture, Social Networking, and the Entertainment Industry
Fuck Money and everyone who makes and promotes Money
Fuck all the Rich and the Poor people in the world
Fuck Anyone who doesn’t like that I like to Smoke Weed/Marijuana as a Life-Style
Fuck you if don’t like Punk Music, Type-O-Negative, Pantera, or Heavy Metal or industrial in general.
& Fuck you if you don’t like what I have to say
& Fuck you, I don’t care what your problems are, your  issues, or what your butt-hurtness is all about ! ! ! !
Basically, FUCK IT ALL!!! & FUCK YOU ! ! !

That had to be the ultimate poetic form of “THE ZEN OF FUCK”!

Once again, this is just a “vent” and “letting off some philosophical and ideological steam.”

And, I seriously mean all of this in a sincerely way although I have a different way of expressing it. So, get over it. So Sue me for having a voice and mind and the ability to express it. I vent as well as I breath.

When you wish upon a star, right?

Perception is an extremely dangerous thing. People are compelled by whatever stimulates their basic five senses. Most people are more reactionary than reasonable. Most people will sing along and agree with the “collective” rather than think for themselves. I don’t buy into “collectivism any more than imperialism.” Honestly, I don’t want any kind of “Ism.” Fuck your words, your names, and your signs, and Ism’s.

Just Live and Fucking Let Live. Or, have people forgotten about that? “We” aren’t that important.

Have we “Mastered every form of Butt-Hurt-Ism” to such a degree that we want to destroy ourselves?

Of course, of course. What was the color of George Washington’s white horse? Black, Yellow, Gold?

Isn’t it funny that of all the creatures on this planet, humans are the only creatures that intentionally “smile” (show teeth) as if to convey happy or positive meaning? Everywhere else, animals show their teeth in aggression, power, and expressions of dominance.

Isn’t it funny that you can read someone’s “body-language” and know more about the truth of what they are saying, thinking, or feeling than what they are trying to vocalize to you? Interrogation anyone?

Isn’t it funny that most people will never tell you what they want but, they will tell you they will kill you if they desperately need something.

Isn’t it funny that most people pay attention to all the details except the details about life and death, and generally avoid all the details that lead to death.

Isn’t it funny that some people say they are good but are really mischief makers?

Isn’t it funny that those who pretend to be “Good, Righteous, Pure” are often found to be the most “evil, vile, wicked, and hateful” people on Earth?

Isn’t it funny that most of the stuff that you think is important -especially in this day and age- isn’t important at all. Think about it, that is, if you can think for yourself and know what that means.

The Mind like life is a strange thing and becomes stranger the further you look into it. However, no-one to this date can empirically or factually agree or prove that such a thing -Mind- is real or exists. That sounds quite a bit like attempting to grasp the reflection of the Sun or Moon upon the surface of the water.

It is rather amazing that there are “so-called experts on the mind” yet none of them have “proof in hand(on paper)” that can conclusively prove beyond any refutation that the mind exists. Sounds a lot like Religion.

If you can’t prove the mind exists then, how do you prove psychology? The answer: You can’t.

You can fool the hell out of a whole lot of people. Heck, even P.T. Barnum proved that much. And, he was a “ShowMan,” not a so-called Psychologist. Government, Authorities, and Politicians prove foolishness daily and people seem to love it.

Go ahead and try and get back to me when you find something millions of people have been trying to prove for centuries. On Psychology that is.

Proof in one hand is worth more than two handfuls of imaginative psychologist in the mental-bush.

Witch-Doctors, Shamans, Charlatans -anyone up for that challenge?

Oh, and Scientifically speaking, Science says results have to be “reproducible and accurate” in order to be considered Science or Fact, let alone completely beyond tested refutation. Psychologists, you’re welcome!

Do you actually have a mind, or, a life? Can you prove it?

*******How do you grasp a reflection let alone prove what you can not grasp?*******

Perception -if such a thing truly exists- is a strange thing. A seemingly improvable thing, but through various physical actions we do strive to justify the abstract -however amorphous and yet oblivious. It’s possible to observe supposed cause and effect, but, if you don’t know, well you just don’t know.

If the scales of “your understanding” are not “slighted or preferentially informed” then, by what sets of knowledge do you ascribe to(o) although tending to(o) perfectly balanced scales?

Wisdom itself -however subjective- seems to only be gained by experience. And, we can not know what we do not know. So, how is it that you know anything? Are you really as experienced as you say you are? How do you know?

Are “mental states” also “physical states?”

When is truth never subjective? Can you be totally logical and objective? What is the Reason For Reason?

Is it that the perfect truthful answer is in the perfect question(s)? If facts are indeed considered truth, should they not be provable, reproducible, and beyond contestation? If not, are those “facts” still facts?

Just because you get “a drop” of information, does that really mean you have a story? And, because it is a “story” how could you ever “claim a story to be truth?” Anyone can make up a “story.” The News Media, Politicians, Evangelists, and Social Media do it all the time. The story-telling business is doing extremely well these days. Would you like to read my Story?

Stories are not one-sided, two-sided, or three-sided but so impossibly complex that they can only be expressed to the level of which a given “story-teller” is capable or producing. That is, if there is not some other covert ulterior agenda for doing so. Who is to say what an intention really is? Crystal-Ball ?

Journalists might actually be believed if they said, “I (we) don’t have all the facts, but this is how I slapped some stuff together, and this is the angle I’m going to sell it to you, and I might not actually be totally factually right or correct even long after-the-fact, and my story might hurt someone, and chances are I’m wasting your time trying to pass this garbage off to you as News.”

I might believe that if they started their “News Stories” out that way. Other than the Weather and Life and Death situations that directly apply to our ability survive is the only news we “might” need. Then again, there are those of us who simply do not care about the News what-so-ever. Some like sanity, not News.

Applying the “make-up of illusion and vanity” does not change the “face of reality.” Do faces beautiful or ugly require make-up? Why add or subtract what is not there to begin with? When it comes to “a shadow of any doubt” how are we not to say that the ego defeats all truth, when even truth becomes lies?

If Beauty is only skin deep then, how come more beautiful people are not in love with ugly people? If lies are only so mentally deep then, how come more people are in love with liars than those who are truthfully ugly? That is, if completely honest and truthful people exist, right? We all know ugly people exist, right?

I have never been beautiful and I am perhaps uglier than ugly and wickedly imperfect. Truth?

I might be the ugliest and most truth person you would ever know. Truth?

All I have ever known is ugliness and lies. Truth?

Gossip, Facts, or Empty Speech - Which one has caused more destruction, suffering, and death? Should they be punishable by death considering thought preceding action can lead to harm or chaos?

Here are examples to demonstrate for the sake of reflection:

Should Gossiper (Tabloids), News Media Journalists, or Politicians be executed because of what they have said, or televised, or put on social media and possibly harmed a person(s) for whatever reason? It only takes one person or a handful of people to say that they have been harmed by them. Why not? They execute people in the Court of Public Opinion day and night without stopping. What’s good for the Goose is good for the gander. Equality, right? Do unto one another, right? Freedom for All, right? Truth, right?

Gossipers(Tabloids), News Media Journalists, and Politicians keep people and the world divided, chaotic, and stirred up all of the time. So, why not execute all of them? Publicly execute them. Why not? Televise it. Why not? Put it on Social Media. Why not? Fair is fair, right? Equal treatment for all, right? Hypothetically speaking, it might make the world a more peaceful place, and you will never know unless you try, right?

I’m just speculating here and not condoning violence of any sort. Making examples of Hypocrisy. They have all said the same things forever, “Do as we say and not as we do.”

Are all victims really victims let alone good people? How do you know if someone who was a victim or claimed to be a victim is/was really a good person? For all you know, they might have been wickedly evil.

Are all predators/criminals really predators/criminals let alone bad people? How do you know if someone who was/is a predator/criminal is/was really a bad person? For all you know, they might be Holy Saints.

Who is really a hero or a terrorist? Who is really a slave or a master? Who is really right or wrong?

Which part of your tongue has not caused destruction, suffering, or death? Can you honestly say that you have not harmed, hurt, or caused someone suffering? If that is the case then who is truly righteous?

Why is it that in “the West” almost all philosophy is based upon “Guilt?” Contrasted with in “the East” where much of the philosophy is based upon “Error?” One aspires towards a guilt complex while the other seems to lean strongly towards an inferiority complex. I don’t know other than belief must love self-deprecating destruction, generally ending with copious amounts of negation. Why perpetuate such none-sense? That is the historical ten-thousand-plus year old question of the sands of time.

What if all the problems of the world are not the work of a few but all of us? The same theories used to predict events in random systems -such as weather- are now used against all of us, and to predict any and everything that we do and who we are. With so much data why are there no real applicable answers to help all of us? And, considering the “human-dimension” do we really deserve help considering the world-collective tragedy that plays on day-in-and-out?

We can fly to the moon and think about colonizing other planets and space, but can’t get anything right with our feet firmly planted on earth. What a cruel and stupid joke. Stars for everyone, right?

Law Enforcement, and Politicians, and Governments, and Media, and Businesses use “Big Data” and “Data Mining” to “know us better than we know ourselves.” They also use it to manipulate us, program us, choose the types of lives “we may or may not have.” We only have the choices they have “pre-programmed for us.”

They can use data on our parents to tell whether “we” will be criminals when we grow up. They can use data to tell the “good citizens from the bad citizens.” Soon, they will be able to tell “before you are born” whether or not you deserve to live, and will reserve the right to kill you if they think it‘s right.

TV Media and Internet shame us, laugh at us, and keep us stirred up all the time. At what point will it become more than a hot-topic-trending-flash-point where countless people start getting hurt directly because of such? Do you think the News Media will ever grow-up and realize how much of the problem they really are? I think the same exact question can be directly and fairly asked about Social Media.

Why do popular “victims and predators” always look towards the camera? Why do each want attention? When two imperfect actions come forth, do they equal the perfect pristine absolution of ultimate truth? If you suffer so terribly much, why would you want the world to share and promote your suffering? If you are so messed up, and suffer so much, and you have been so wronged, where is this mysterious strength you find to sit before TV cameras, in front of millions, to tell “your story?” And Smile? If you are suffering and are against suffering, why keep promoting it? It is a fair question.

At collective gatherings to “remember victims” why are so many obviously looking for the “cameras, the interviews, and you see their smiles before they make their sad face for the camera?” I think in today’s world people are willing to “play the parts of either Victim or Predator” if it compels, excites, or falsely empowers them to do so. I’ve been a “Victim of American Circumstance” all of my life and made no fame or money. As far as “Predator,” everyone is a predator in one sense or the other. It’s all in how you spin the story and focus the lens. I’ve heard that News Media will pay top-dollar for the best Victim or Predator story, as they have become the “staple of our media diets.” Hard to swallow, no? Napkin? Mirror?

If you really need help and are hurting and are messed up then, shouldn’t you be in therapy or something? Was it more important to get on TV, or the Internet, or whatever than get the help you need? See, when things don’t exactly add up, and it pays to be a “Victim or Predator” these days then, I believe you should very clearly understand the questions and ask many, many questions. Personally, I think Victims should be interrogated and scrutinized as much as the accused Predators in order to make sure what the truth is. Far too many pretenders these days not to be cautious. Besides, how do you know the Victim isn’t a Predator in Victims psycho-wolf-clothing? Is that crying I hear, or,  wicked cackling in disguise? Tell no tales?

Why call something a “story” or a “fact” or a “truth” when in reality it is only one more imperfect and vastly incomplete something of nothing more than anyone will ever be able to understand in totality?

Do you make “facts or truths” out of incomplete pieces or information? Oh, to tell a tale. The liars love.

How do any of us know whether the “victims are really predators, or whether the predators are really victims?” It only takes one exception to the rule to demonstrate the fallibility of popular truth. There are countless accounts that are exceptions to the rule, but for some reason they never make “Prime-Time.”

Who really knows whether Heros are Terrorists, or Bad People are Holy Saints, or Freedom Fighters are criminals. Isn’t it all amazing in how the publics perception is led and manipulated into believing anything?

What really is “the Rule of Law” when it is really “the Rule of Public Opinion” only found disguised within certain vocations of the illusion of legal or legislative power? Oh, the chosen few as mortal and as imperfect as the rest of us, and yet they claim the Keys to the Kingdom.  Should we bow down and kiss the ring?

Why would you want an imperfect person judging you? Everyone’s shit stinks, does it not? Roses?

Each of us has a data trail, a data profile, and…computer codes programmed to “know us” better than we have ever “known ourselves.” At least this is what programmers and huge data mining companies say.

What happens when we are “absolute slaves to the machine” more-so than we are now? Drones?

“Those who know the algorithm know the code. Those who know the code control the world.”

“Those who know the System can manipulate the System. Those who create the System are the Masters.”

They use these things against millions everyday: Forensic Profiling, Counter Studies, Methodology, Build Profiles, Behavior Analysis Units, Predictive Behavior, Defining Behavior, Complicity, Finger-Button.

If they use all of that then, “Why not use Psychics, Pagans, Witch-Doctors, TV Evangelists, or Aliens?”

When will we become like the “Terminator?” And, become “The Terminators” of our own Humanity? Well, my Magic 8-Ball says, “All signs point to yes.” It’s happening, so, “Are you Ready?”

You name it, there is a quasi-pseudo science for almost every aspect of “humanity.” And, the future of all of humanity -if humanity does not destroy itself- will be decided by government, by technology, and machines that we created -or allowed to be created . Who knows. Maybe we -living machines- will eventually become no different than the heartless, cold, and calculating machines we build, use, and love so much.  We already spend our time on cell-phones and computers, like appendages to our bodies. How Cyborg-ish.

That last saying is distantly similar to what a Rothschild once said. That person said that they didn’t care who controlled politics as long as they controlled the money. And, since all money is literally controlled by computers, saying our lives are also controlled by computers isn’t a far stretch, but a reality.

What happens when there are too many of us -people-? Seven-billion now, and perhaps Nine-billion by the year twenty-fifty, with all of our issues adjusted for problematic-life-inflation seems to speak of a horrible future. That might not be so bad if you are a heartless, cold, and calculating machine, no?

Victims, Martyrs, Predators, Politicians, Religious People, News Media, Celebrities; How many potentially volatile ingredients does it take to stir the “explosively problematic pot of humanity?” It seems humanity has no other desire but to literally destroy itself in any manner possible. Pop-song anyone?

The more I have listened to older people, elders, and seniors of the last couple of generations -they all say the same things basically, “Nothing is different. Everything is the same. It is the Devil in the Details that is killing all of us.” Living in America at this present time I can find no reason to disagree. It’s hard to get excited about what is supposed to be so great when the fact is that it is not that great here. Historically speaking, it never was. But, it’s like they say, “Those who control the past control the future.”  I see homeless people all the time. It’s as if America has become 3rd and 4th world all over, inside, and out.

Sigh -Why does it always have to be about control? I don’t want to control anyone or anything. Truth be known, I’d like to live life without drama, chaos, and suffering. I guess that’s to much to ask for. I have to admit that there are “those who love to provoke” as much as they can get away with. YOU DID IT!(gasp!)

If we are nothing more than “a copy of a copy of a copy” and are habitually repetitious by nature, what does this mean when it comes to our future? Will we eventually destroy ourselves? We already do it daily in our collective information culture. Many are paid and awarded to literally do that. No Mercy at all. Journalists know that “if it bleeds or cries” that it makes for a good story. Or, at least that is what they say.

The “Court of Public Opinion” is really no different. And, Law Enforcement now bends the knee more towards Public Opinion than law, but who says you need be a Rocket Scientist to serve in one capacity or aonther? A majority of animals tamed by humanity can be taught to do a multitude of things. Even you.

You know, I don’t want to say that I’m desensitized by the News Media but I guess I am. That, and burnt out too. It’s the same old story: blood, guts, crying, shame, cheap-laughs, stupid shit, you know, the same. I’m not without compassion, or empathy, or any other positive semantic buzz-word. Seriously.

I struggle day in and day out. I struggle with what I believe if what I believe is anything at all. I struggle with the fact that “being Awake and Aware” is as impossibly difficult as it is to “believe in oneself, and something Good, something Warm and Life-like,…something that is real.” It seems that there is no such thing(s) to be found. Maybe that’s what I get for being a foolish, hopeful romantic, trapped in la-la land.

Maybe I see the world and people for what they are. Maybe I seem them both for what they could be.

But, I am an horribly ugly and imperfectly flawed despicable creature of some sort. I have no ability, power, or control over anything than my fickle and fleeting ability to live within the bell-processional-tolling-of-life. And sometimes, well most times these days, almost never.

I struggle day in and day out simply to live. It seems I no longer see the past let alone the future. Even the present has become as meaningless as any constructor of time. Who needs a new variable to compute?

Each day and night,  I have this wish to find some kind of “Truth” to explain it all. So far, I have found none. I meditate to sustain my peace but I find I must meditate constantly and longer as the world is continuously destructive and chaotic. It takes a great deal of skill to remain calm in the eye of the never-ending storm of this world. Once, I heard there was such a thing called the “Light of Day.” Honestly, as much as I would like to see that, the reality is that I don’t know. I’m not certain that I will see it the way this world is. I’m not sure anyone has seen it although some say they have.

Where are the Aliens when you need them?

I have grown to loathe “suffering of every kind, shape, and form.” I wish no-one ill-will, harm, hurt, or anything of the kind towards anyone. However, there seems to be no end to people who relish nothing more than to inflict suffering upon you and others. Maybe I am impossibly naïve to think there are people who understand suffering enough to do anything positive and non-harmful they can to liberate themselves from it. It takes more than positive thinking and changing yours perception when it comes to the real world. As much as I like to think “happy thoughts” it is sad to think that it is only in “thoughts that happiness is.”

Pain, Suffering, and Addiction seem to have the power to compel people beyond all their better sensibilities. I can agree and admit to being flawed by all of those evils. To live in this world is to be subject to evil.

What if the “drug epidemic” isn’t just about drugs but every form of pain and the lack of real ability to help ourselves medically because of impossibly high health-care costs? And who is really the “right person” to heal us of all of our pains? Millions of Americans can’t get Health Care they can afford, so, Doctors mitigate their moments with all they can afford -pain meds. If I can’t afford to get the Medical and Health care I need, then yes, I am going to Medicate my pain away until the very end. Some of us have no choice.

At what point do we stop making ourselves suffer so much? Is the purpose of a copy of a copy of a copy to continuously perpetuate suffering? My thoughts would immediately say no, but who am I in a world of billions with their own lives, thoughts, and opinions?

As a copy of a copy of a copy, I realize there are no Reflections, Meditations, or Leaps in Thought or Life that are even remotely original. Realizing this much makes me reflect upon why I keep reflecting other than it seems it is the only thing I can do in this world.

Formless Sphere Meditation & Music Notes:

Experientially, the formless spheres are where we can investigate

the four-fold basis of form.

For a form to come into being, it needs

(i) the faculty of perception

(ii) the notion of an individual ‘thing’ being perceived

(iii) sensory consciousness that detects all of the pertinent
attributes of that thing

(iv) three-dimensional space in which that
particular thing is believed to be found.

Contemplation of the Six Elements

Thesaurus of Scale and Melodic Patterns by Nicolas Slonimsky


The Art of Fugue

Josquin Des Prez

Sergio Aschero’s “Numberphonic” notation

Raja Yoga Notes Year 1920:

Here the forces are very equally adjusted and balanced.

get hold of that which is setting the whole engine in motion

the best times are towards the morning and the evening.

pass through a state of relative calmness.

not to eat until you have practiced

keeping holy vibrations

send a current of holy thought to all creation; mentally
repeat: Let all beings be happy; let all beings be
peaceful; let all beings be blissful.

pray for knowledge and light;

diamond light body

have unbounded faith and hope

beware how you allow yourselves to be acted upon
by others. Beware how you unknowingly bring
another to ruin. Beware of everything that takes
away your freedom

so a man, to prove that he is not a machine,…
must demonstrate that he is under the control of nothing.

Those who can become mad upon an idea, those alone will see light.

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Reflections - Those who control words

Reflections - Those who control words

“We can all vanish away before we know it.” ~ Quote Rowan Lecompton (Stain-glass Master)

“The first principle is that you must not fool yourself and you are the easiest person to fool.” ~ Richard P. Feynman

“If God does not exist, then everything is permitted.” ~ Dostoevsky

“Only True Word-Masters can use Words to Manipulate the World!” ~ Me (Scotsman Fallacy)

It is beyond amazing to think that “words” control and become one of the sum totals of our lives. I’m not asking you to take “my word.” I would rather you be skeptical, test what I say here, and come to your own conclusions about “how words control and influence your life.” And yes, I sort of understand that as I make “claims” here that “my words” bear the burden-of-proof awaiting your curious intellectual scrutiny.

The use of words is both awesome and terrible to understand and comprehend how much the “power of words” have control over our lives. Also, those who wield the most “money, power, and control” most often have the ability to use words to “control your life and, your death.” Sometimes “our own words have no meaning and worth” simply because “others attribute no value or worth to us.” The absurdity of language sometimes is that “two people can say the same exact words where one will be heard and the other ignored.”

Historically, the number of people who have “died because of words is beyond number or comprehension.”

Manipulation of words can also mean the “manipulation of perception.” Those who control “language, lexicons, dictionaries, and the power to define meaning” wind up becoming those who control the “past, present, and future” for all of us (in a sense).  “Trend-words” poison, misdirect, and mislead millions.”

Even if you use your own words to write your own life, there is the irony that you will be ignored, and if someone else writes about you or your life, somehow their words “about your life” will become more relevant than your own “life-words.”

“With the ultimate ‘power of the use of words’ comes ultimate responsibility.” People die second by second, each and every day because of “words.”

Can you imagine what your “last-words” will be “if” you are so blessed to speak before you die?

There are “far too many manipulators of language” that severely limit and destroy human-expression through the controlling or abuse of language. Language and communication -at simplest levels- is about survival. Those who understand the “powers of words” do indeed have the “power to potentially harm and enslave minds and lives.” Of course, these are old ideas but the “powers of the world” have been directing, controlling, and manipulating humanity for a very, very long expanse of time through the use of words and language. Our entire “information culture” is “word and language based.” You are a slave to language and the level to which you are able to use language.

Words are not so much “fluidic” as they are “fickle, fleeting, transient, and come and go at the excise of power, whether seemingly benevolent or, imperialistically tyrannical.” Entire races have died and been murdered by the words of a single person(s) of which history has infamously recorded.

I began writing from an early age and have no adequate formal training or education in writing. Early on, I realized how important is it to read, write, and communicate. I think some of this stems from the fact that I have felt that no-one has ever seen anything in me as far as skills or worth. When it comes to “words,” I have been well aware of their potential all of my life. I know what it is like to suffer because of “words.”

In my present,  life, I have no way to work towards my goals or dreams. At best, all I can really do is write and attempt word expression to make up what I painfully and severely lack. I’m not egotistical, but I feel like I have never had any “life-identity,” and this is why I write, study words, and exercise the use of language and words. Maybe I naively and stupidly think that my words will have any worth, bearing, or meaning to anyone in this perpetual world of never-ending “word-madness.”

If only I could make “the empathy of my words” a tangible reality and not an intangible ideology.

I am a writer, a musician, an artist, and have a range of skills. My unfortunate reality is that I feel like there are no first chances let alone second chances to use any of my skills in a “life-supporting manner.” No matter how good I am at what I do, I feel that no company/business wants to give you a chance or opportunity as if I can never be good enough. This includes my use of writing and words.

Another reason why I write is that “Like billions of other people, I have no idea what to do, or, what my future holds if I even have a future to speak of. “ Of all of our lives, what if any of our “own words have any meaning to ourselves, let alone anyone at all.” It seems we own a “great nothing” that we wield so well. Words have become “everything and yet nothing.”

Definition - Word 

word [wurd]
n (plural words)
1.  meaningful unit of language sounds: a meaningful sound or combination of sounds that is a unit of language or its representation in a text 
2.  brief utterance: a brief comment, announcement, discussion, or conversation
Could I have a word with you in my office, please?

Definition - Capability: ca·pa·bil·i·ty 

ca·pa·bil·i·ty [kàypə bíllətee]
(plural ca·pa·bil·i·ties)
1.  natural ability: the power or practical ability necessary for doing something
Her capability to increase sales by endorsement is valuable to us.

2.  range of ability: the potential ability of somebody or something to do something
There is some doubt about the company's technological capabilities.

3.  compute function: a facility to carry out a particular set of operations
a graphics capability

So, I do my best to keep up “with the weather” and “current life-applicable news.” More and more, I see how “the News Media and Law Enforcement” work together. It reminds me of the movie “1984” and other stories where “technology, information, and Big Brother” work towards basically controlling our lives. We live in a “time not so different” from any other time, where no-one really knows anyone or anything. “Good” and “Bad” are just “words” thrown around to lift some up and knock others down. Kind of stinks like the “ancient Roman thumbs up or down.” Or, Face-Crook(book) for that matter.

They say they are “informing and protecting us.” But, why all the surveillance, the online/TV shaming, the predatory information gathering, and why resort to doing to us what you say all the so-called “criminals are doing to us?” Sounds like they are saying “it is only ok for some to do but not for anyone else?” It is basically them saying, “We control all the ‘words’ and the word-stories and the word-narratives and can program the most people with our word-messages, therefore, we possess and are the Masters of the words of might.” Words of Might make Right, right????

I feel like Socrates: “I know that I know nothing.” Of all the Dictionaries and words I have read, I am absolutely certain that “I know absolutely nothing.” I don’t know. Maybe I’m the only dork that randomly reads words from Dictionaries for fun and entertainment. Maybe I’m the only dork that uses a Dictionary to look up words that I don’t know. Honestly, there are infinitely too many words to memorize.

I’m not against Authority, or News Media, of fucked up Journalists. However, I am against all the shady shit that many of them do -on the regular these days. Not all of them are good in case you wondered. I’m not saying “I’m any better or worse” than they are. However, I am not “controlling, manipulating, or brainwashing” the minds of who knows how many people ever-so-unaware.

I mean come on “Authorities.” If you are “doing the same shady shit to people” that you say “is wrong,” who the holy fuck do you really think you are kidding? You are shaming, you are being predatory, you are controlling the system, and yes you are “manipulating people” with the same plays right out of “Stalin’s Psychological Warfare Strategy” playbook. You can’t use “Communistic Tactics and Strategies” and yet “hide behind Democracy.” Good old fashion “fascism” will take it all away, right?

So, I was reading the News, and one word they (News Media/Law Enforcement) were tossing around was “capability.” They were saying that they “look for people they think are capable of crime.” I couldn’t help but laugh and say, “Look around at every single person in the world and you will see someone capable of crime.” This ignorance speaks to the rather “vague, ambiguous, and dangerous” ways in which “the powers that be” can and do “use and abuse language” however they so see fit. Don’t even get me started on Lawyers and Attorneys or other “Mental Gymnasts.” Many of them think “because they are in a position of power” somehow that gives them the right to “play god with our lives.”

Really now, “When was the News Media and Social Media ever given ‘Legal Right and Authority’ to act as a ‘proxy agent’ for Law Enforcement?”

“When was Law Enforcement given the ‘Legal Right and Authority’ to use ‘non-authorized sources/proxies’ or ‘non-authorized media entities’ as tools of Law Enforcement?”

“When did the News Media get the right to act like Law Enforcement?”

“How can anyone be safe and secure and enjoy the right of liberty, privacy, and the social based internet extensions of their lives, when it is now being used as a weaponized adversarial information tool against them?” But really, it shouldn’t come as a surprise since the U.S. Justice System is an Adversarial System. They can and will use anything and everything against “your life” until the bitter end.

The common person cannot protect themselves in modern information-based culture. This holds true whether a person maintains an online presence or not considering collective information systems, and the availability of everyone’s personal information is one click away to the person(s)/systems with the money and power to access that information. No one is safe or secure. Words own your life.

In no “such certain words, ideas, or expressions” do I “support or negate” News Media or Law Enforcement. Having a basic experience of “life and humanity” has led me to keep questionable “entities” at a safe distance. Obviously, nothing is or has ever been black or white and no certain entity or organization has been any different. Sadly, it seems the only way to survive (or get by) is to “Trust no-one.” And, be careful with your words, and yet protect yourself from words. Words can ruin lives and even kill.

More and more, I notice how “those who control words, definitions, and language” can manipulate people and the masses almost anyway they want. One example: The Justice System. It is amazing what you learn by reading over “the Philosophy of Law.” Also, I have to confess that you almost need a Ph.D. to understand the Law, and, a good “Latin Dictionary.” Plus time, finance, and economy have a tendency to stop the majority of people from developing a good enough understanding of the Law to protect themselves within the paradigm of an “Adversarial Word Combat System.” Those who live “day to day, pay check to pay check” have absolutely no way to protect themselves from the “word-system” if ever they require help.

It is an extremely cruel irony to think that “the people who supposedly protect you are also the same people you must protect yourself against.” I don’t know. Maybe this explains why many feel the way they do about Cops, Police, and Law Enforcement these days; People see through all the psychological manipulations and lies, and realize what the real deal is: “Money, Power, Control.” When has it ever been any different?

Definition - in·co·her·ent 

in·co·her·ent [ìn kō hrənt]
1.  lacking clarity or organization: not clearly expressed or well thought out, and consequently difficult to understand 
2.  unable to express things clearly: unable to express thoughts or feelings clearly or logically 
3.  not cohesive: not sticking together as a mass 
4.  physics out of phase: describes electromagnetic waves that have the same frequency but a random or changing phase 

-in·co·her·ence, , n
-in·co·her·ent·ly, , adv

Another word they use is “incoherent”, or “rant”, or basically “anyone with an opinion they do not think is right in their minds.” Believe me, it is a rather dastardly game they play with words. Also, they have a tendency to generate “lists” of words they can use against people -like word tactics and strategies- in order to “profile, target, and give legitimacy” to any future actions they decide to take against a person.

It is not funny but, “I wonder how often they -authorities, psychologists, journalists- look through dictionaries to see what kind of new ’buzz-words’ they can come up with and apply to somehow ’criminalize’ people regardless of their disposition?” I also wonder if there are “teams of word-monster-creators” assembled in order to “create new modern monsters” to misdirect and control the masses?

Although Laws have “supposedly” been enacted and passed to help the “common-person” understand the Legal vernacular, I can assure you a reading of any given branch of Law renders that Romanticism entirely “without merit” and demonstrates the outright, obvious lie of aiding common-person Law Word Literacy. Want a good example? Grab a copy of the Supreme Court Justice Opinions on historical cases right up to the present and get ready to enjoy ideological, linguistic, and many pristine logical masturbations unto mind-racking oblivion. And, without “Lexis-Nexis” it is a wonder that any “Legal Operator” could parse through millions of annotated statutes and codes, let alone fill out Legal paper-work by hand. Without computers, I think it would be entirely fair to say “three-fourths” of all so-called Judges and Attorneys would disappear over-night. Not to mention, it would take anywhere from $150, 000 to literally $500,000 U.S. Dollars just to get a fair and decent Law Education not excluding all the flaming educational hoops you have to jump through to get a degree.

Definition - Profiling:  pro·file 

pro·file [prṓ fl]
n (plural pro·files)
1.  visibility: a level or degree of noticeability
kept a low profile

vt analyse and classify somebody: to subject somebody to profiling, e.g. in a criminal investigation 

[Mid-17th century. < Italian profilo < profilare "draw in outline" < filo "thread" < Latin filum ]

Not only do “the people who control words” manipulate the masses, they also “profile the masses.” So, let’s say a “buzz-word” gets passed around in the News Media or Law Enforcement, the next thing you know, they “look for, search out, and profile” anyone they think the new “buzz-word” applies to.  Principally speaking, it is the same exact practice as “labeling and stereotyping.” But, when they do it, it is perfectly ok and legal because “their power and authority make it so.” It’s kind of like “giving a dog a scent and watching what trail they pick up.” Or, tossing “bloody buzz words” into the proverbial “collective information conscious culture” and seeing what bites. It’s kind of like “psychological hokum.”

Amazing, isn’t it? Those who have the power to “define, make-up, and manipulate language” have power over the fate of your life. Who says “The powers of life and death are not in the word/tongue?” Who knew that a person “could speak a word that would become the ultimate judgment of your life?” Who knew someone who calls themselves a “psychologist (modern-day witch-doctor)” can claim to “know how your mind operates and can say you are crazy” and can get you into all kinds of fucking trouble at the flick of a lip or pen. That’s a little bit to much bull-shit power for a bull-shit vocation such as psychology (hokum).

Who knew the “News Media” or a “Journalist” could tell a story about you that could have catastrophic effects on your life, and make you a “public target.” Who knew the “News Media” or a “Journalist” could tell a story on you that would forever “tarnish your life” and “make it impossible for you to live day to day life.” Who knew the general public is brain-washed enough to believe whatever the “News Media or a Journalist says about you?”

Words have the power to destroy and kill your life. I wonder if anyone other than myself really understands this? I wonder if anyone has ever contemplated whether their words “shamed, defamed, destroyed, hurt, or killed someone?”

Have you ever wondered how many people “your words have hurt or caused to suffer?????????”

I think about it all the time. Although I have a very simple, basic, and limited understanding of words, I am slowly learning how immensely powerful they can be, and the impacts they have on our lives.

Those who control “language” or the “Law” or “Meaning” have a tendency to “make up their own meanings and definitions,” “make up rules for how to use and apply their language,” and more often than not they manipulate the various constructs of language to “justify their actions and powers.” Blacks Law Dictionary is a rather fine example of Latinized Language Manipulations. This doesn’t even begin to describe the blasphemous exploits of governmental Legislative evil machinations s of Law. Ergo Law Malo Law. They even go so far as to say, “No matter what you think the definition or meaning of a word or expression is, our definition and meaning and authority are the only ones that apply.” No shit, they really do and say that shit. It’s like a special club, with special powers, with a special language, and magic-decoder rings.

Definition - Context: con·text 

con·text [kón tèkst]
(plural con·texts)
1.  text surrounding word or passage: the words, phrases, or passages that come before and after a particular word or passage in a speech or piece of writing and help to explain its full meaning 
2.  surrounding conditions: the circumstances or events that form the environment within which something exists or takes place
The dispute needs to be viewed in its historical context.

3.  e-commerce data transfer structure: a data structure used to transfer electronic data to and from a business management system 

[15th century. < Latin contextus "connected" < contexere "weave together" < texere "weave"]

-con·tex·tu·al [kən tékschoo əl], , adj
-con·tex·tu·al·ly, , adv

Definition - Subtext: sub·text 

sub·text [súb tèkst]
(plural sub·texts)
 underlying meaning: an underlying meaning or message 
-sub·tex·tu·al [sub tékschoo əl], , adj

Wow, context and subtext are like the ultimate fucking linguistic arenas for “word-meaning” beat-down. It’s like the joke about the “light-bulb” except in this case it’s about how many does it take to “define or explain something.” Sometimes, it doesn’t even fucking matter if some so-called “authority figure” takes an “intellectual dump” on you and by the “proxy of their authority” either say “you are wrong” or “change your context into their context.” It works the same way for subtext. Usually so-called smart people -or idiots too- will read whatever they want into what you say or write. It is a tragic irony to think others will put “your own words into your mouth, twist them, and gag you to death.”

“Spin-Doctors are often masters of manipulating the context or subtext.” Or, basically, anyone who has a vested interest in dominating you with their “intellectual prowess.” Oddly, the daily business of our information culture is that of “spinning, misconstruing, redirecting, obfuscating, and manipulating” words of our language culture farther and farther into unknown linguistic oblivion. It is a real wonder that any of us can “speak the same language” and yet understand one another.

Often I have wondered, “If words are our beginning, by the same cliché antiquated binary, will our words become our ending?” The last time I “shook my Magic 8 Ball” all signs, unfortunately “pointed to Yes.”

To know a thing, like words, is really to know what? And, animals make noises all the time. I do wonder if they place such important significant worth upon their utterances like we do?

If a single human speaks in a world of humans constantly speaking, is that human heard? Indeed.

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

American Trauma - Life Destruction

American Trauma - Life Destruction

Definition Trauma: trau·ma 

trau·ma [trówmə, tráwmə]
(plural trau·mas or trau·ma·ta [trówmətə, tráwmətə])
1.  emotional shock: an extremely distressing experience that causes severe emotional shock and may have long-lasting psychological effects 
2.  bodily injury: a physical injury or wound to the body

I write about what I experience and see. Also, I can admit to not being the best writer, however, even with my limited skill -I have to keep on trying. Writing as a “coping mechanism” can only help so much.

Every day I live in America is another day of “American Trauma.” At one time I thought living the regular normal life was all there was. It is now obvious that “I knew absolutely nothing.” Ninety percent of everything I was taught in school was essentially “garbage” and did not prepare me to survive in the real world.

You are not taught in school that the “real world” will beat the ever-lasting shit out of you. Unless you perfectly fit “into the game” your chances for “realistic survival” are diminished by 70+ percent. You aren’t taught about trouble, endless bills, job security, and basically what it really takes to survive day to day. Unless you were born into a family “already well off” , “born with a golden spoon stuck up your ass”, or somehow become the “top ten percent” that managed to make it, your future in America looks shitty.

I can imagine there are hundreds of millions of other people like me in the same exact position. We have been forgotten, or rather, conveniently swept under the blood-soaked America throw-rug. The system has been designed in such a way that it is a “day-to-day, life or death fight to survive.”

Almost all of my life in America has been that of survival. Add years of survival trauma, working shit jobs for shit pay, never making any farther ahead than when I started. I fucking laugh when I hear people talk about their “dreams,” or something about “the dream world we live in.” Often, I wonder what fucking world people are really living in? I think that hits right to the core of the problem. Most people live in a “unreal, bullshit, fantasy land” where nothing has ever been what the “propaganda has been selling.”

Definition Propaganda


prop·a·gan·da [pròppə gándə]
1.  publicity to promote something: information put out by an organization or government to promote a policy, idea, or cause 
2.  misleading publicity: deceptive or distorted information that is systematically spread

Aside from the “propaganda,” America is full of every kind of “inhumanity” that you can think of.

Definition Inhuman: in·hu·man 

in·hu·man [in hymən]
1.  very cruel: showing great cruelty and a lack of humanity 
2.  unfeeling: giving an impression of being cold and unfeeling 
3.  not human: not seeming to be human, or not characteristic of human beings

All American business and industry has some level of inhumanity. Of all the places I have lived in America and the conversations I have had with others, cruelty and harsh living exist country-wide. The older people say that it “has always been this way.” Very few make it, most slave away all of their lives, and the rest fall through the cracks of endless misery and suffering.

3rd and 4th world conditions exist all over America. You would never know how bad things are from the West Coast to the East Coast, both North and South. Our leaders act as if nothing is wrong. Every day I see and hear people who are frustrated and angry. The rich get richer, and us poor just die.

In America, you literally have to resort to crime in order to survive. It is impossibly too hard to get a regular minimum wage job without jumping through countless flaming hoops. Expectations for general labor workers is unreasonably high. The pay you receive is gone as soon as you can get it and minimum wage jobs are impossible to survive on. Plus, State and Government taxes take more than they ever return. We work our entire lives off for literally nothing.

America has more Law than it has “common sense.” The job market is divide up between “petty tyrants”, “employment peddlers”, “the use labor and loose labor mentality of the job markets.” You can’t believe the “employment numbers/statistics” as they do not fully reflect the disposition of the people -counted and the uncounted. Getting a job is like “agreeing to a lie” where you will never get what you need to survive and you “can be terminated” without a legitimate reason. As if “life and death” was not a legitimate reason to fight against losing your job. As if “life and death were not pay-check to pay-check.”

The madness of America is that “We have a handful of people deciding how we live, work, and die.” Just think about the insanity of the idea “a handful of people who decide how you live and die.” Historically, I can not say it has been any other way.  Historically, America has never lived up “to the light of it’s dream.”

In America, I don’t not want to keep from living like this but, there is no where to go, no way to leave, and no way to know if it will be any better anywhere else in the world.

I can’t say I like watching the news. It literally says every fucking day that, “The entire world-sky is falling down and we are all going to die.” Talk about over-stating the obvious. Even if the sky is falling and we are all going to die, I’d rather not be “programmed or manipulated by the media.”

The News media is propaganda that distracts far too many people from living. I hate the news media and as much as I hate to say it, I wish the news media would all die and go away. Leave a weather-person or two and just kill the rest. Matter of fact, if all the news people and media disappeared, I wouldn’t care in the least. Besides, there are far, far too many people stirring the “mental pot of humanity” as it is.

America is a dangerous place. Divided up like a feudal empire, with different kinds of tyrants, and every type of civil-savage you can think of. Come to think of it, America is more like 50 plus different war-zones where you can never be sure who is an enemy, or, an enemy. The American Empire of Perpetual Adversary.

I don’t want to live in an Empire. Imperialism, Populism, Communism, and Collectivism are really no better.

Definition Empire:

em·pire [ém pr]
(plural em·pires)
1.  lands ruled by single authority: a group of nations, territories, or peoples ruled by a single authority, especially an emperor or empress 
2.  monarchy headed by emperor or empress: a monarchy that has an emperor or empress as its ruler 
3.  period of empire's existence: the period during which an empire exists 
4.  large far-flung business: a very large, powerful, and extensive industrial or commercial organization 
5.  part of organization somebody personally controls: a part of an organization controlled by a single person, especially somebody who is keenly protective of personal power 
6.  absolute power: supreme or absolute power (formal or literary) 
[13th century. Via French < Latin imperium "command" < imperare (see emperor)]
Definition Traumatic trau·mat·ic 

trau·mat·ic [trow máttik, traw máttik]
1.  extremely distressing: extremely distressing, frightening, or shocking, and sometimes having long-term psychological effects 
2.  psychology relating to trauma: relating to or caused by psychological trauma 
3.  medicine relating to injuries: relating to physical injuries or wounds to the body 
[Mid-17th century. Via late Latin < Greek traumatikos < traumat- , stem of trauma "wound"]

Even if I somehow manage to make it to a state that is stable enough to be above “impoverished miserable existence,”  I do not know how long it will take to heal from the damage America has inflicted on me. The same applies to my family and damn near everyone I have ever known. But that’s the thing, America never admits to it’s mistakes, hurting and killing it’s people, let alone paying reparation for any wrong that the “system has inflicted upon its people.” America fucks it’s own people up on the daily.

Also, there are millions of us here “who are not responsibly for the government, or politics, or what the system” has messed up here and around the world.

This has been a cruel fucking year. With the New Year on the way I can only think in the moment. I have no reason to celebrate anything. Everyone I know is either broke, sick, or on their way to being broke and sick.

It is a wonder anyone can live let alone survive in this world.

American Fucking Trauma - beat the fuck down until you die.

Monday, December 25, 2017

Poem: Used to Have People

Used to have people - blown away, by time, like cards
Used to have people - no more the structure stands, only splinter shards
Used to have people - red blood dollar bill has killed us all
Used to have people - never enough until the end, and we still fall

Wonder if we used to have a face
All promises laid to waste
No more unity to stand
Destruction is the life of the land
Echo - no voice, no name
Remember - if we can, whose really to blame

Used to have people - survival rules no time for sympathy
Used to have people - death is the only thing that is free
Used to have people - get sick and die we don’t know why
Used to have people - all our dreams nothing more than empty ended lies

Wonder if we used to have a life
Arguments heartache and strife
No more safety home comfort
Deserving no evil deserts
Enemy the world we must fight
Reckoning there is no such thing as wrong or right

Used to have people - all one foot in the grave
Used to have people - no human lie comes to save
Used to have people - we lived everyday suffering
Used to have people - the silent truth that never sings

Used to have a life - I lived and then I died

The F’d Life - At Some Point

The F’d Life - At Some Point

Rant/Reflection/Something/I don’t know/Fuck it

I guess this is a lot of parts rant and another expression of the times. In my experience, most people never say what they think or really mean. Maybe I was wired ass-backward and hate pain, and I hate suffering, and I hate how fucking screwed up the world is - I just call it like I see it, feel it, and experience it on the daily. All of these fucking holiday shows are a joke. Who knows how many people are fucking suffering this holiday season yet, all this “televised opiate of the masses shit” always plays day in and out.

It’s been a few years, and other than non-stop survival, I can’t remember the last time the holidays meant anything to me. I really hate the commercialized lies of the holidays. People working for nothing and shit pay. People brainwashed to spend their money on shit, only to slave away another year, and do the same fucking stupid shit again and again and again. Maybe people give up the “ignorance of bliss,” and maybe a temporary momentary “holiday lie” is what it takes to put them back to sleep.

To wake up or sleep? It’s like an extremely bad “false-dichotomy” where either choice is the wrong choice but, you have no other poisons to pick from - life or death, or really, live and die.

Happy fucking holidays.

At some point, you ask yourself, “Why should I give a fuck about anyone or anything because ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKS have been given about me.”

Seriously, if any fucks had been given, I would have known about it long ago. In addition, it’s just the way people are to “not give a fuck.”

Life is the perpetual “school of hard knocks” that constantly loves to beat the shit out of you.

“People are fucking evil.” I don’t have any other way to say it and I’d rather not sugarcoat it.

Simply put: “Absolutely no-one gives a fuck when it REALLY gets down to it.”

And you know what? I really can’t fucking do anything about it. Although, I have had to fight like fucking hell when the motherfuckers want to full-on flex on me and beat the shit out of me in one way or another.

Everyone is right in their own mind, right? And you are always wrong in everyone else’s mind, right? And you are always right in your own mind, right?

Right. It’s always about “Whose got the Ability, Money, and Power.” And, it hasn’t ever been any other way. It will probably be this way all the way to the glorious end. Might as well call it how I see it.

I hate to say it but, the longer I live in “this world with fucked up people” makes me “hate this world and people.”  I don’t want to “be or think of myself of as a hater but what other options are there?” And, most people are going to think the worse of me anyway even if they don’t know me.

It doesn’t make me want to act out with violence or other stupid shit, but what do you when there are plenty of people “bullying you, psychologically manipulating you, authorities abusing you, people out to get you for no good reason???” Look, I’m not the only one and this is old old news. People suck. End of story.


At some point, you realize that it doesn’t matter what fucking words you use, what you fucking talk about, or whether you ever really fucking lived at all. I’ve learned that you can use “eloquent Royal language” and conduct yourself “respectfully” and you can “completely conform to the system” -but, all of that shit doesn’t matter the least to anyone. And, people will let you know day in and day out, all the days of your life.

I don’t know why people pretend so fucking hard to be people when they’re not.

I’ve never claimed to be anyone or about anything other than trying to fucking survive. And yet, I know people that fucking hate me with or without a reason simply because I exist. Fucking wonderful, right?

No one gives a fuck “if you are real or not.” No one gives a fuck “if you exist or you don’t.” No one gives a fuck period. Have you ever thought about how things would be if they really did? Different or same?

At some point, people really let you know who you are. It can be Family, Friends, Neighbors; Essentially everyone will shit on you with their best insulting descriptor, whether you deserve it or not. Hell, they might even go nuts, set you up, poison you, who fucking knows what ends crazy people will go to.

 I had family and friends call me “idiotic, a loser, worthless, nothing, fucked up…etc.” so much and so often  that I’ve gotten to the point that “when you become completely numb” it seems “completely timeless.”

Becoming “best friends with nothing” is the “lonely road of forever.”

Maybe we were all intentionally created fucked up and intentionally created to fuck each other up.

It’s like people intentionally set out to burn bridges, leave you no reason but to cut them off, and have nothing to do with them because you realize that “they are the seriously fucked up ones.” And, all you’re doing is trying to fucking survive in life. I don’t think people understand what it takes to survive and I can tell you eliminating bullshit from your life is priority number one. I hate to let people go but once they talk, or act, or start with the crazy -that shit’s got to go.

I don’t have enough time and I’m not going to live long enough to justify wasting any of my time on crazy stupid shit. But, you got to be careful because people love to spin and twist shit and see if they can throw it right back at you. Happens all the time.

At some point, it doesn’t mean a fuck to anyone that you did anything for them because “They will deny you, anything you did, and tell you that you are a liar and full of shit.” You could have saved someone’s ass from a beat down, helped them get out of jail, or stopped them from doing stupid shit and they will say that you never did a fucking thing for them. Some fucking gratitude, right?

And, if you defend yourself from their verbal, emotional, and physically beat down, they say your reaction justifies everything they said. I don’t see the point in being any nicer to people than I have to be. I tried that route, it got me completely beat down and life-fucked to death. No shit.

I have given away money to help people with bills. They turn around and said I never did anything or it's never enough. Been nice and helped people with their depression then, they turn around and call you mentally fucked up. I swear, I must have the innate ability to help the type of people that once you help them, they turn around and fuck you up in any way that they can.

“Being nice gets you fucked up.” Word to the Wise. There was a time I sincerely believed that being entirely nice and respectful was the way to do. It got me jack-shit in life and I got nothing to show for being nice.

At some point, people will claim that because “they have gone to war” that somehow makes them “superhuman” or justifies “their so-called sacrifice.” I think “all war is fucking stupid.” They actually think you “own them something for something they agreed too.” You signed a contract, you knew what you were doing, and how exactly does “war” make you fucking special? And how exactly do I owe you for you intentionally putting your ass in the line of fire?!? I didn’t start the war or the fire. Wake the fuck up.

Let me repeat that last statement. “ALL WAR IS FUCKING STUPID.” War is never a good justification for claiming you are special. And no, war doesn’t make anyone special.

Unfortunately, “Life is war.” And, everyone dies in the end. Nothing glorious or heroic about it. No war has ever helped me, improved my life, paid my bills, paid my medical or any of the sort.

At some point, someone “intellectually and educationally” superior to you (they think so) will tell you how “you are wrong and your life is a failure” because they are so “fucking life experienced” that there is no other reason than “they are right” and their intellect and their education proves they are right. And, these people have usually accomplished less than you have although they will swear that they have, AND, they “paid for a piece of paper to prove it.”

Fuck, I got a Masters Degree and a Ph.D. from the Hard Knocks School of Life. I paid in fucking blood, AND motherfuckers -left and right- still fucking swear that I don’t know jack fucking shit.

HOWEVER, I don’t HEAR NOTHING, I don’t SEE NOTHING, and I don’t KNOW NOTHING. And, I invoke all my rights including the 4th, 5th, 6th, 9th, & 14th amendments to the U.S. Constitution (and State), and I always want my Attorney present before and during questioning and before discussing waivers. So, as you can see, I don’t know jack shit.

At some point, people will call you “childish, crazy, stupid, worthless, ignorant, a user, an abuser, a fuck up, and a loser.” And, this shit will come out of left field at you from some crazy ass tangent and completely blindside you. AND, if you try to defend yourself, they generally increase the severity of the beat down.

At some point, someone with money, someone sucking the tit, someone sucking the dick, someone doing something for something will tell you what you are doing wrong because you have nothing. This is just me but, I don’t feel like sucking or fucking for anything. That is a brutal way to say it but it is the truth, “the whole-mouthful truth so help yourself to Beee-Jebus.”

I’m not sure people understand that there is a possibility that someone -other than yourself- may have in fact gone through, and survived far worse shit than you have underwear to contain that much seriousness.

I think it is more than possible to be given “Ultimate Shit Stick in Life.” I think it is possible to have done a ton of good things in life but for some reason, people will only seem to remember the bad shit about you. I think some people get shafted their entire lives for no good reason, and there are those of us who barely survive day to day and are holding on for dear fucking life.

I think if “Authority” figures could get away with “crucifying” anyone they want, anyway they want, any time they want (sounds a lot like now), we would all essentially be “human-meat-sticks.” Hell, if current society keeps going the way it is currently going, I’m sure we will see literal “public crucifixions” soon enough.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I have done, no matter how good or bad -it never really seemed to mean a flying fuck to anyone. Believe me when I say, “At some point, the truth comes out about what other people think about you.” Maybe this is why you really have no reason to believe much of what anyone says about you when they are around you, or not. Can’t know whether it’s a fucking lie, a game, you just don’t know. I hate it and it kills to be this way but, people haven’t shown me anything else. Well, there have been those who were different but, those people are dead now due to other fucked up life circumstances.

For the fucking life of me, I have never understood why the only people I have ever really loved, connected with and understood wound up getting killed by this fucking world way too soon. I will never understand that shit.

At some point, you learn “ALL AUTHORITY FIGURES” can and will “flex their authority on you” with or without a reason. There does come a point you have to convince them to ask themselves whether or not they want to cash a check with their “so-called” authority. Seriously, bad authority gets away with to much shit as it is at some point you have to defend yourself. It’s about survival. It stopped being personal when they started beating and killing us (those of us who don’t have a way to defend ourselves).

At some point, you learn that even helping the sick and weak doesn’t help because “the minute they get better, they go right back to fucking you over in every miserable way conceivable.” So much for helping the needy. Don’t get me wrong I do think there are some that really fucking need help. However, there are just too many assholes out there gaming and scamming all of us.

At some point, the last motherfuckers you think would say anything would thank you for “saving their lives.” It doesn’t make me a hero at all. I don’t believe in that kind of shit. I do know that I have been around and seen some bad shit. And, saved a couple lives, and watched a few lose lives. Other than a “peaceful death,” all other forms of death are fucked up. Seeing one is one too many. Seeing, watching, and listening to someone go through their last moments in life is something you never forget.

At some point, the past is gone, and no one believes the stories of your life. They don’t believe the things you have been through because they are “too fantastic or too made up to be true.” That is basically the best way to describe my life. It’s the life I have led, but very few if any believe me. I’ve lost touch with friends here and there, so, it’s hard for me to prove my stories. But really now, does anyone’s story prove that the past really happened? That’s the million-dollar question.

At some point, you realize that no matter how hard you tried to be a good person, the “deck has already been stacked against you,” and, “you don’t win playing in a rigged house.” The rules are fine when you got the money, the power, and the tools to protect yourself. But when you don’t, you lose. It is as simple as that.

Don’t be a player, and never play the game. You will never win.

At some point, not only do you have to be “Dead to the World,” you must make “Everyone Dead to You.”

I’d prefer not to be cold but, people have never given me a reason to be any other way. People and the world are fucked up.

At some point, you realize this life is really “The Fucked Life.”

Sunday, December 17, 2017

Reflections Dec. 17, 2017

...It's strange to see and experience the death of others over choice moments in life. Then, there comes a day when your own mortality shakes the bones of the transient prison in which we reside.

Also, the mad humor in that everyone either wants to be someone or somewhere else, and we have no choice to life-eternity inside one cell. We have no choice but to remain whoever it is and whatever it is we are until the very end.

I have never been a very religious person although I have studied many religions. America, Commercialism, and Organized Religion (and TV charlatans) ruined "religious ignorant bliss" for me a while back. In addition, having attended every type of church and temple you can think of has given me no reason to believe in anything. People are fucking people and that's that.

The holidays kill me as almost all of them are built on lies or for reasons no one really knows. Plus, I have known plenty of people to die in the holidays. Some of them died in horribly tragic and terrible ways after having lived lives that really were no better. I don't want to experience the pain of memories but I guess it is better than religious, commercial, and materialistic lies.

America - how the fuck do you love such a country when it has mercilessly fucked the shit out of your life? It is not the land of milk and honey. It is not the land of second chances. It is not the land of freedom as nothing in America is free. Almost all of America comes with a price -your life.

I do have to admit that I can not expect it is any different anywhere else in the world where people are fucked by religion, government, or materialism.

With every part of my being, I scream blood-curling screams daily and often, wishing there were something I could fucking do that really mattered. Other than fighting to live and survive, America hasn't even left me with a half-assed bucket to piss in.

All of my family have become ghosts that I don't even recognize in memories. My memory has become as naught to fight against me to remember anything good. I simply don't want to experience what I know will make me suffer. Perhaps forgetting everyone and everything is the blessed bliss of all fools. Considering the way all of humanity lives its life, we might as well all be fools. What is good for one is equitable for all, no?

For some reason, I can not tell -at the moment- if I feel as physically bad as I do, or some fucking complex of an abstract kind is slowly defeating my ability to live. Time obviously marches on for all of us and at this time I can say, "I don't feel good. My strength to fight against suffering is failing the test. And, no matter how much as I ask others and the world to not test or challenge me, all of the wolves come out to play."

With all the empathy, compassion, and consideration I thought I had felt and expressed for others; Somehow I wish I could cash in on good Karma. And, I admit I'm not a fucking Saint no have any wish to play that game.

My body feels cold even in the heart. I am exhausted but have been having problems sleeping. No motivation finds any strength to collect me towards anything creative or purposeful. I don't even have enough energy to waste on saying, "I give up."

I'm entirely ready to live and have no wish for death anytime soon.

I feel alone.

Dealing with all the brutal punishment life has beaten me down with.

For some reason, I still have to fight against people in person, on the internet, and otherwise, as they seem to have nothing fucking better to do. I'm not a violent person but why do these fucking adult-ass-children, with nothing better to do, want to fuck with me.

I don't do anything. I don't socialize with anyone. I'm not buying, selling, or trading anything.

At the moment, I don't feel good and am not sure what is wrong. Honestly, once again, I think I'm dealing with all the beat-downs (verbal and physical), all the physical injuries, and dealing with people who love to fuck with me for absolutely no reason at all.

I'm ready to live and not ready to die. Eh, fuck it. Whatever happens, happens. And, I will not be fucked up either way things go. Maybe death for me will be quick and painless. That'd be nice.

I fear no-one and have absolutely nothing to lose.

Funny, I have been here at this gate with no door.

I've always wondered what it would be like to open it and walk through.

...I wonder if she will be there...

Christianity, like all religions, is a lie.

There is a long and brutal history of religious lies that have been perpetuated for far too long. All religions have been deceptively created to "control you." Free yourself and believe the lies no longer. You can live a good life without religion, without politics, and without government. They are all created in order to "control you." Free yourself and believe the lies no longer.

Free yourself and believe the lies no longer. Free yourself from false ideas. Free yourself from false gods.