...this thing...this blog. In the beginning, my intention was to have a neutral, external place to record thoughts and ideas. As it progressed,...I see it as a "reflecting aid" by which I am able to contemplate my existence and present state. When it pertains to "Goth" I still find it valid as such. So, what is really in a name or path of existence?
...I have been in a fog, between worlds, across multitudes of perception. Perceiving further slowly I have made more progress in meditations. It it one thing to wrap the mind around infinite perceptions,...it is entirely another to "cease perception and the mind altogether."
Presently, I have gathered more knowledge, careful to not let "study transcend practice." At this point it isn't even remotely academic, for academics are only illusory doors or perceptions unto what end there is not certainty. It is indeed the intention.
The downside of some of the new practice is a lack of sleep, states of physical and mental manifestations for which I can not fully understand. Also, since I have no direct access to a teacher/guru, I made a further extension of effort to call-forth in good intention, with the wish that I might gain favor of a "Yidam" or perhaps ascended energetic guide. I have yet to make the binding-contact, but...I have felt a great presence described by practitioners and am comforted that I am yet on a good path with enlightened guidance.
Combining Yidam with Mandala does lend itself to refining the perceptions and senses in such a way that it is rather impossible to describe the states as they are beyond words. The down side is since I can not find complete isolation at this time, it seems to take a continued great effort to heal the mind from the continuous and various "manifestations of questionable evils in the world." However, I do wish to be careful and tread with caution as to defining evil.
Strange as it is to say, perhaps within a year or so, I already understand that I have advanced much further than I was aware of. It seems even without great understanding if ones intentions are in the right place -or no place- there is a way to elevate.
Perhaps once I make better progress through the various ascensions, decentions, along with moving through the spheres into non-perceptions;...it is a wonder to become, and, to cease.
Perhaps this blog will be left as a strange marker, guide, or transient sign post, hidden in the internet as a guide saying strange things, helping others tread this path of Existence, Gothic or otherwise.
May All Be Auspicious.