Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Poem: "I Deal"

Poem: I Deal

I deal - with evil, wicked, hateful people everyday

I deal - with Red-knecks who over-compensate through big shitty noisy trucks

I deal - with Gang-bangers gangsters who think playing their music stereo loud is an cool terror tactic

I deal - with the fact I meet at least one brain-washed person a day

I deal - with stark reality that people are gullible and can’t seem to think for themselves

I deal - with neighbors who overstep their boundaries and act like you don’t exist

I deal - with a neigborhood where no one has any life other than making yours miserable

I deal - with a neighborhood watch that is worse than a high paranoid drug dealer

I deal - with country people whose I.Q. is the same as the number of teeth in their mouth

I deal - with authorities who don’t follow their own rules and think that they are god

I deal - with a government I am sure is gone to kill us all

I deal - with family members who are hateful and look down on everyone, even you

I deal - with family members who are no longer family and I dwell among savagery inwait

I deal - with a shitty band that lives not far from me, yet antagonizes me because I am learning music

I deal - with dope heads and alcoholics who don’t hang out with me because I don’t help with their fix

I deal - with people who know more about me and know me better than me

I deal - with a country that chewed me up and spit me out, leaving me with no recognizable future

I deal - with the cold realization that behind almost every face is a monster waiting to kill you

I deal - with a shitty job, working for shit pay, for a boss from another country, my country gave money

I deal - with problems from other races but I’m not a racist

I deal - with ex-friends who shun you and laugh at you even though they haven’t done shit in life

I deal - with ex-relationships that basically accomplished the same as friends, absolutely nothing

I deal - with blowback from television and internet media that people can’t seem to turn off

I deal - with people who whore themselves and sell their souls for life and a dollar, and yet I’m bad

I deal - with know-it-alls who know everything but can’t figure out why they failed at life

I deal - people who seem to come from the same root as money, evil

I deal - with the fact that the only thing I can do is deal

American Death Dreams - The “F” -ing Continues

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

If only I could awake from this fucking American Nightmare. America has fucked me so hard, I am fucked numb and dumb. I don’t really know where I am. I don’t really know who I am. I guess I really don’t fucking care to some extent either. I want to feel something but I’m used up, spent, and drained. I have never felt this numb and detached in all of my life. It might be a good thing because I don’t feel like acting out or doing anything because the rest of the world has that covered with enough stupidity.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Today, I worked my ass off on the only job I can presently get. The money will not support me for any length of time. I will have to literally work until the “moment I die” just to make it. I work excruciating bone and back breaking labor. Seems to be the only type of job I’m good for. Most of the time I try and make “cash money under the table and off the grid.” I can’t afford to pay taxes and there are so many fucking taxes I would have to sell my body organs on the black market simply to have one chance at life in America. I have an education with some college but not enough money to go back to school and finish my degree. Even if I were to finish college, the information and data culture of America has become: Judge, Jury, and Executioner. If you are not Perfect, Politically Correct, have a perfect life record, or are an exact Perfect Carbon Copy American -you will lose. And I have lost, failed, and burnt up on impact. Truth.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

I can completely understand why older people become entirely jaded and seem to hate the world. If you live long enough to experience this world, you ultimately learn to fucking hate it. There was a point when I thought my Elders and older people were cranky and hating the world for no good reason at all. I haven’t lived that long at all but I have suffered enough to know why some older people grow cold, spiteful, and ultimately do not give a flying fuck any more. Yes, I can say that I have reached that point. Once you see through all the smoke and mirrors, all the illusions, and all the lies -yes, even you will fucking hate it one day. The world is so full of fucking bullshit it’s no surprise we and the world are fucked up. It doesn’t make me want to take action or do anything crazy. It does make me want to stay away from everyone and everything. I’m not buying, selling, or trading in bullshit. Fuck, if I could leave this planet, I would. And, even though I have Dreams -or had Dreams- thanks to America, I will never realize them.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

America has become so Politically Correct to the point that if you wipe your ass the wrong way you will go to jail. No shit, well maybe. I make what money I can, live off the grid as much as possible and wish that on the day I die that it will be painless and in peace. As much as I could wish and Dream for more, at this point, all I can really look forward to is Death. It is as they say in American Propaganda Maxims, “Death and Taxes.”

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

We are supposed to have “Freedom of Speech.” Nevertheless, you can get in trouble saying the wrong things. Part of that so-called freedom comes with a fucking American free-for-all to attack everyone in clever set of words, worthless talk shows, and all flavors of unimportant, non-sense News Media.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

We are supposed to be free from “Debtors Prison.” That is not true either as they find fiendish tricks to punish you in other ways. Sometimes they find people to hunt you down and take all of your money and property. Basically the system sets you up in so many fucked up ways you essentially live and die in debt.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

We are supposed to have the Freedom of “Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.” Once you are found imperfect, marked and labeled, or cast to the bottom of the economic slavery pit, your life is over. The American Lie created is so fantastic, imaginative, and creative it’s like a stinking pile of shit attracting flies.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Unless you “know somebody who knows someone”, “born with money or a tit in your mouth”, or “the Universe shits you a Golden Brick” your chances of making it in America are next to none. It is said this land is a land of opportunity but, when you realize how sadomasochistic the game is you realize there is no turning back. You essentially realize you are fucked. Plain and simple. A spoon full of poison my dear.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

At this time, I know people who live in third and fourth world conditions right here in America. From talking with other people, America is in terrible condition everywhere. People are starving, dying, and slaving away right here in America, the Land of the Dead and Dying Slaves. The government and politicians talk about helping people but all they do is talk. Lip service never fed, clothed, or gave anyone shelter. The cold, bitter, and stark reality is that countless Americans are going to die because the system is going to kill us. It’s not a matter of if or why it is a matter of how soon and when. But, by the time your dead, it doesn’t fucking matter any way. The lie goes on and on and on. Millions of talking heads and many-stringed puppets will continue the charade until the bitter end.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Some people turn to religion, drugs, or alcohol for escape. Maybe I’m too fucking stupid and delusional to keep thinking that my life and Dreams matter. I don’t bother anyone or do anything. Most of my time is spent alone doing creative things. My time for creating and Dreaming keeps becoming shorter and is almost at a point of disappearing. The demands of life have become so high that I can’t keep up swimming and already feel myself drowning. I would scream for help but everyone else is screaming too.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

I have lived in America all of my life. In books and on the internet I have read of beautiful places and people all around the world. I have even read their opinions about America, many of which I agree with. I am neither Political nor Religious. I am not for Justice or Criminality. I am not really “Anti-Anything” as much as I am “Anti-Bullshit.” It’s like an internal struggle between civility and savagery.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Like the line in the Batman movie, “At this point in time, I don’t care if the world burns.” Nothing else for me and my Family is working, so fuck it, let the mother-fucker-burn. Who knows, it might actually do some good. Maybe humanity and the world needs a good hard fucking reset. Some people probably think that is terrible to say, but is it? If you have everything taken away from you, you can not survive in the “best place in the world”, and you have nothing to show for your slavery, what would you really fucking think or say?

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

America, it’s so fucking good that it is so fucking bad. And you my friend, are fucked.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

At night, I Dream of traveling the world -everywhere. I wish I could go everywhere in the world and talk with other people, experience their world, and say to them, “I have Dreamed forever of meeting you.” I want to know what is like to say the word “Dream” in every language and not from a book or online, but from the very mouth of the world itself. I can imagine they would say the same to me about their lives. For some reason the entire world seems so infinitely fucking worthless. Who knows? Maybe it’s always been this way. Or, maybe it’s humanity. My guess is that it is humanity. Can’t live with or without one another. Shit. Fucking irony.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

I have heard it is a “big world out there” but sadly, America has made it impossible for me to have a chance, let alone see it. Uncle Sam Evil has mentally and physically sodomized us all. Uncle Sam Evil is one extremely fucking sick sadomasochistic bitch-ass bastered. Uncle Sam Evil is the ultimate world predator of all. I will never get to visit the homelands of my ancestors. I will never get to see other Goths around the world or see the beauty of other cultures. I will never get to see the world because of America. It seems the only place I will get to see the world is in my dreams. Sad to say but even the abstract can only do so much.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

There was a time when my Elders, my friends, and acquaintances had hopes, aspirations, and…Dreams. From my time as a Child to a young Man now, I have sadly watched as all of their lives, and Dreams, have become nothing because of America. America is like a rigged and very bad gambling match of Russian Roulette. And, you will lose and die every time. Success in this country favors itself like the government. Many people say they live good lives and have success. The reality is that they are paying something and will pay till the day they die. They essentially have to pay-to-play for their life and all they own. Some fucking success, right? Who in their fucking right mind wants to be a slave and pay for their life? Answer: absolutely no one. I don’t mind helping out a little but, highway fucking robbery by Uncle Sam Evil is “life robbery.” I didn’t ask for anything or want this shit. I was born into this.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

I have watched people in America work all their lives and never have anything. You never own anything here but constantly pay slave taxes to the Almighty American Government. You can’t stand up for yourself or they -like all other governments around the world- will send Mercenaries or other paid Death-Dealers to silence you if ever your words grow to loud and people listen. Bad leaders, War, Greed, and selfish Destruction has brought America to it’s knees. Everyone has been programmed to hate and kill everyone.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Hate is a fucking strange thing. Once you get a taste of it for the first time it is impossible to get rid of. Hate is like an infection and the minute you get it, it has got you for life. Suffering begets suffering indeed and we -humanity- are the cause and the infection. We are the beautiful disease for which there seems to be no cure. After untold thousands of years you would think that we would get it. No matter how smart and advanced we seem to become we can’t seem to stop doing stupid shit to ourselves and one another.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

That’s life, right?

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

The word “Dream” is a lot like the word “Imagine.”

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

I wonder what a world without government, religion, greed, poverty, hate, or war would be like. That really sounds like a Dream come true. I wish for that. But, you can shit in one hand and wish with the other and it is entirely clear -and stinky- which one fills up first.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Families are destroyed in America daily because of a system that denies them, steals from them, uses them, and takes everything they ever worked or lived for. Families are pushed to the breaking point that Family members fight against one another over money, food, and shelter. Yes, money is the root of all Evil. I can’t even begin to count the huge number of Families destroyed simply because they can not survive in the fucked up systems of America. Family used to mean something to me. Now, I realize that I don’t know what a Family is. Another survivalist means to an end I guess. Waking up from shared delusions can be painful. Once childhood is over maybe Family is apart of the magic of life that disappears with age.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Have you ever seen people fight over food? I have.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Have you ever seen people fight over water? I have.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Have you ever seen entire Families homeless living on the side of the road? I have.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

My home town looks more like a War-Zone each day. Every road looks like a third and fourth world country dead-end. Everyone is scared. The younger generations go crazy and fuck up. The older generations simply do not give a fuck about anyone or anything. There are more killings here than I have ever known. It’s funny to think about but, “All of our lives are a series of endless Post Traumatic events.”

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

There has always been hate, violence, and killing. Where I live there is more hate, violence, and killing now that I can say I am beyond numb, beyond shock and awe, beyond feeling anything. I guess it never really helped me to feel anything in the first place. This is what America makes me feel: “nothing.”

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

America has created a system where you can’t get a job without jumping through infinite hoops.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

America has created a system where one background check will end your chance for a job, a home, a life.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

America has created a system where one charge will end your ability to survive.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

America has created a system where there is no such thing as “Freedom” and, nothing is “Free.”

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

America has created a system where “you can check in but you can’t check out, and, you can die.”

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

America is not the land of “milk and honey.” In my experience it has been: poisonous, hellish , a impossible pit to climb out of, and…modern day  “Rome.” Caesar has stolen mine and my Families life. As much as I or my Family want to have good lives and Dreams, America killed us before we ever had to chance to live. We don’t even see each other as Family anymore as we are all desperate for survival while deluding ourselves, trying to stop our living pains.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

The Elders of my family don’t think happily about the future. They only think about when and where they will die, and what to do with their body when they are dead. Instead of saving money to go on vacation or buy something nice, they save up for whatever service they can afford for their Deaths.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Common propaganda says, “If you work hard, believe in your dreams, and ‘Obey’, you will make it.” I think that has to be the cruelest crock of shit right next to free tickets to heaven.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

All of the Foundational Principles never meant anything to anyone other than a few people writing on a mental creative high. They are nothing more than worthless shit paper, ill-fated epiphanies, and eulogies to a Dream that never was. I have read the Constitution, Declaration of Independence, Federalist Papers, and enough American Political Literature to know I read it all for nothing because neither the Government nor any other leaders here believe in them or follow them. If they did, America might’ not be the shit-hole that it is now, falling apart every single second. Sure, some people in American are doing great, but they played the dirtiest games right next to selling their souls in order to get what Uncle Sam Evil will take from them one day.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

It’s a cutthroat competition where there are no rules except the rules you don’t have the money or the power to protect yourself from. Each day so-called Americans pay their life-blood for money. God can’t save them. The government doesn’t give a fuck about them. It is pretty much everyone for themselves. If you took a piece of meat and threw it into a pit full of hungry lions that is what you would have: “Everyone fighting for their lives where only the most savage and ruthless survive.”

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Welcome to the American Roman Arena -where no one lives, and, everyone dies.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

I see countless people everyday getting beat by a system that they can never handle let alone live with. A government is never supposed to be more powerful than the ability of the people. But, all governments have dominated and brainwashed people for countless generations making them sacrifice their blood and children to the multi-headed chimera that is government. Tyranny is Tyranny no matter whether you call it Communism, or, false ulterior Democracy for that matter. Puppets and slaves and more Puppets galore.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

When it comes to Politics and Organized Religion, I don’t have the taste for either as both serve their own purpose and people are the means. If you brainwash people, make them dependent, and then fill their heads with endless amounts of “bullshit” their chances for survival go strait to “zero.” When that happens, they will stop Dreaming, and, Dream no more. (P.S. “If you can’t live you can’t Dream.)

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

In elementary through high school I would always wonder: “Why are we saying this gibberish to a flag and why are we praying to imaginary people?” Funny, I still ask myself the same questions. The more I study history I find that it is all madness and gets unquestionably stranger with each new page.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

It seems the only places I can escape and find momentary freedom is in my Dreams. Maybe I will wake up from this fucking American Nightmare. I can only imagine that will be the day I die. I guess you could say I look forward to my Death, so that perhaps, I can Dream Forever. Dreaming in Death. How ironic. I haven’t set aside any money for my Death. Shit, like it is going to matter. Dead is Dead.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

I can’t believe in anything other than what I have experienced in life. In some ways, I can only imagine that reality is the same for most people other than those caught in a delusion. Often, I wonder what other people Dream about. I wonder if the Dreams of people I saw crushed will somehow find a reality waiting for them in Dream Time beyond the veil. Maybe I am as empty and as unreal as Dreams in this reality.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Maybe I think about Dreaming because shit is just so terribly fucking bad and wrong with people and the world. Maybe I’m caught in a psychological delusion where I’m trying desperately to escape what I can’t escape. Maybe I’m so irrevocably, so recklessly, so miserably, so beyond repair, so fucking broken and destroyed, so utterly fucking empty that the myriad of schisms in my mind have allowed me to do nothing else other than Dream. Maybe this is what happens in Death: “We live to die and awake in another dream.”

Maybe, “I’m already Dead.”

“The Truth is out there.” But, there is no truth and it is all subjective, and everyone is right in their own mind. It seems that the only “number one” is the “ego and stupidity rules the day.” So much for bliss.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Propaganda, Double Speak, Psychological Manipulation, Technological Charlantry are all the wonder tools of the day -right on your favorite social network. Thumbs up, right? Worship the God in the Screen. Amen?

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

How can you live and dream if your life and dreams are already programmed and dictated to you?

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Red fucking pill, Blue fucking pill, fuck fuck fuck, we are so fucked. Did I say fucked? Fuck.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

How can you know Freedom if all that you have ever known is a monstrous contrived system of limitation disguised as Freedom?

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

How can you really know what’s right or wrong when there is no such thing? We are programmed all of our lives as to what is “Right or Wrong”, “Good or Bad”, “Black or White”. Most of these societal statutes and mores are based upon: Politics, Economics, Religion, and infinite numbers of people as ignorant and as confused as the rest us. If all the governments and the world fell apart, people wouldn’t know what to do let alone think as they have become brainwashed into unflinching slave dependence. People have lived and existed without contrived systems and governments before, and, if all goes to hell I am sure they will continue to live and survive without them.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

So what the fuck gives? Governments - Why so serious?

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

There is a saying that, “All men (people) are great in their dreams.” Somehow I wished that was true. But, like Kurt Cobain once said, “I think I’m dumb.” And, I’m also severely numb.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

I used to dream all the time, and now, America has kicked the living shit out of me. America has turned me into everything else but myself. America has not only brutalized my life but that of my Family, or rather, the last living of my Family. It is strange to want to be apart of the world and yet not allowed to do so. It is even stranger that the world has allowed a handful of limp-dick-bastard-jerkwadd-men and bitch-ass-chicken-headed-mouthy-women dictate our lives and fate of the world. (Equal Opportunity Fucking, I guess.)

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

America has fucked me so hard that even my Dreams are fucked.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Requiem - I fucking lived there and died there, fucked. Fuck.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

The Fucking End.

(Fuck Fuck Fuck)

Fuck