Saturday, June 10, 2017

Darius Ales - "The Limbo Passions" Chapter 4 (Short Story)

Before the veil between life and death had been ripped apart, things made sense in that up was up and down was down.

Avee always wondered what life would had been like before the ancients decided to go to war and fuck things up.

She always liked to share her thoughts but not her man.

Darius wasn't what we she wanted in the life before. Like now, he was what she needed.

She wanted to go back to the world of the living. Without combining her soul with his, even as a Limbo Psy-Witch, she would never be powerful enough to build a bridge through the Nexus back to life.

"Where are you Darius?" She mused to herself. "Only one way to find you." Entering into Psy-vamp meditation has a tendency to leave long lasting impressions. The more you Psy-vamp someone, the more you connect to them, and to them, your soul.

Darious, still asleep laying next to Leah, was in a deep rem-less sleep. Avee began to enter his dream-space, calling to him, "Darius, come forth, answer me." Dream-space isn't any less different than limbo, another world, harder to hold on too without the powerful to consolidate the inner space to a focal point.

Slowly, she began to see the repetitive motions of his evening with Leah. His dream-space form replaying the raw, unadulterated moments of his strength. Even the senses are somewhat linked in dream-space. Feeling what he was feeling, seeing what he was seeing -almost losing herself to the illusionary pleasure of entering his dream-space.

"Darius. Darius!" In the multilayered dream-space, Darius was still fucking Leah, looking over to see Avee, looking back to see Leah had taken on the form and shape of Avee.

"What? Where the hell am I at? Avee?" Not realizing where he was at.

Avee, trying to not be overwhelmed, resurged her focus to compress the dream-space. "Is that better?" Making sure his mind was collected enought to understand what was going on.

Melding solidly into the state angrily, "You know how I feel about you doing this." "As if you're the only fucking one. You know that when you fuck her, that practically means I have to get a taste too." Avee said with spite.

Darius began slowly, "If I can figure out the red box you can get what you want." "Get what I want? What about what we had?"

"It isn't that easy," Darius voice echoed inside the dream-space like thunder. He could feel her pain, the hard lump inside his throat, the weight in her chest.

As cold and as burning as ice, "Fine, I'll go to the Flesh Shaker."

The inner dream-space began to rubble, "Look, that motherfucker is no good. He expects a fucking payout you can't afford." Darius had his share cleaning up after souless demons of Limbo.

Avee beginning to weaken, the dream-space slowly collapsing, "We had a life together, a real fucking life. I have too do what I have to do..." "Wait,...you don't want to mess with..." Darius didn't have time to finish before the connection ended.

Falling to the floor in her shack on the outskirts of Limbos south side, "Darius, I'm sorry, you have left me no choice."

Darius Ales - "The Limbo Passions" Chapter 3 (Short Story)

Chapter Two: Double Spin Trouble

Standard issue Reaper Wagon -what a piece of shit ride to have cruising across town. Limbo is like the wicked step-child of Sin City. Darius didn't mind roaming the Limbo beat, reaping illegal souls, an ice chest of Corona on demand in the back seat.

Leah lived at the corner of "fuck me now and I'll kill you later." Hardly an epic romance of nothing more than whips and chains of endless pains. That's alright he thought. "She fucks like an animal." He couldn't help but think of Avee as if he were trapped between the thighs of two extremely addictive sets of pain.

Street bums loitered outside Leah's build which looked more like the Tower of Hell.

Rolling up with rubber burnt authority and a shitty muffler blast, he parked on the curb, stopping with the spike laden bumper right up to the face of a drunken bum. Stepping out and looking around he activated the plastic explosive car theft system.

"Hey buddy, you gotta a credit?" the bum drunkenly laughed. Darius looked at the man, the smell of shit and alcohol wafting in the air. "Here, here's five credits. Get the fuck out of here."

The bum laughed, "Cheap bastered, you reapers are all the same." Darius chuckled, "Another time old man, another time."

Rico-coo and old 1920's broken plaster lined the dirty and dilapidated insides. With all the credits Leah makes on the soul-trade, he wondered why she didn't live in the less shittier side of town. Although, it would be anyone's guess which end of limbo was worth a fuck.

Shutting the steal elevator cage door behind him, he pushed the 29 level floor. He didn't exactly feel safe going up so high in the death trap that would obviously lead him into another death trap.

Ding ding, sounded the floor chime. Before he had the chance to hit the door the third time, Leah opened up the door, half naked, obviously high on soul-spin -sex, drugs, dirty industrial music.

"Bout time you showed up. Thought I was going to have to fuck myself." She handed him a mirror lined with soul-spin. He took three hard snorts and psychedelic visions began to happen.

Already on the bed, laced in flaming red latex, strobe light and black satin sheets. Looking at her, for a moment, he thought he saw Avee and shook his head. He took the mirror and snorted a couple more lines.

Standing at the edge of the bed, she unbuckled his pants and began to give him the blow job of his life. Breathing hard, and beginning to sweat, he ripped his shirt off, and pushed her back on the bed.

"Come on," she said quickly, "Come on I want you to fuck me NOW!"

He was so high, he completely let loose. Grabbing her, he flipped her over, doggy style, and began ramming her so hard the entire bed hit the wall knocking off plaster.

"Yes, Yes, Yes ---screamss." Leah was a hotter mess in her own bed than in work in Limbo.

Hours later, they lay in the bed. He couldn't stop thinking about Avee. Didn't matter as he and Leah were to fucked up to care. The red box, the Nexus -there has to be a way out.

Darius Ales - "The Limbo Passions" Chapter 2 (Short Story)

Chapter Two: Tongue Tied

Living-dead air whales continued to swim by the Nexus gate as Limbos phase shift started. Darius hardly noticed as he continued to puzzle over the red box.

"Hmph, this piece of shit has got to work." Almost unaware, Darius didn't realize an illegal transport across the veil was in progress. His soul tracker started flickering. "Alright, I know you're here somewhere. I command you come forward by the power of the reaper!" Darius shouted.

Lighting crackled as waves of dust and weirding power gushed all around. At the same moment, a specter falling to the ground before him sprang to form. It was the beautiful Leah.

Darius, taken off guard quickly recomposed himself. The surrounding areas solidifying after the spectral displacement fields.

Silent, and ghostly voluptuous as ever, Leah rose to her feet in full form. "If you really wanted to see me so bad, all you had to do was psyvamp me."

"You can't be running fucking souls across the barrier with a permit. Limbo law strictly forbids it," Darius spoke coldly, trying to hide his obvious pleasure in her presence.

Without even flinching, placing her hands upon rocking hips, "It's that Avee again, isn't it?"

The look of shock across his face being read so well, "She doesn't have anything to do with this."

"Somehow I don't believe you. As far as my soul transport, if I get paid, you get paid. That was the deal." Leah began to lip dis-satification at it overbearing.

"Look, the ancients set things up for a reason. When Limbo's center relic aligns with the Nexus, that is when you run souls. No fucking before or after. Then and only....."

Cutting him off immediately, "I know how shit operates her. It's been thirteen death cycles. What, 13,000 ages right?"

Darius fingering the red box in his hand, "13,000 ages to many."

Leah, "Once you're dead, you're dead. At least be grateful the illusion of living gratification exists here before you have to cross the final death threshold."

As much as he knew she was right, he asked her, "You got my fucking share of the cut?"

"Aaaah, you want some more soul-spin, right? My place, one hour."

Darius Ales - "The Limbo Passions" Chapter 1 (Short Story)

The ominous, forboading town of Limbo holds a secret.

Darius Ales has the perfect life working as a reaper in the city and psyvamping with his x-girlfriend, Avee Renoir.

However, when he finds an enigmatic spirit inhibitor in his grotto, he begins to realise that things are not quite as they seem in the town of Limbo.

A covert union with the spirit inhibitor leaves Darius with some startling questions about his past, and he sets off to to find some answers, and an exit.

At first the people of Limbo are unsure and afraid. He is intrigued by the curiously beautiful underground soul courier, Leah Lovelace. However, after she introduces him to hard soul spin, Darius slowly finds himself drawn into a web of soul reaping, flesh consuming and perhaps, even mind possession.

Can Darius resist the charms of Leah Lovelace and uncover the secret of the enigmatic spirit inhibitor before it's too late, or will his demise become yet another Limbo legend? And will the gothic vixen Avee Renoir have him for her own sexual conquests to become supreme reaper?

Chapter One: Red Nexus

Darius Ales had always hated Surreal Limbo with its frantic, famous Floating Houses. It was a place where he felt Hollow.

He was a Bold, wreckless, Corona drinker with solid eyes and pale mouth. His friends saw him as a long, tormented love lorn host. Once, he had even rescued several lost souls of limbo from a burning building. That's the sort of man he was.

Darius walked over to the window and reflected on his Blurry surroundings. The clouds teased like loving dragons coiling around one another.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Avee Renoir. Avee was shy and indifferent with thin eyes and a burning cold mouth.

Darius gulped. He was not prepared for Avee.

As Darius stepped outside and Avee came closer, he could see the gorgeous smile on her face.

Avee gazed with the affection of a passionate blushing bone wolf. She said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want Union."

Darius looked back, even more Fullfilled and still fingering the Nexus red box. "Avee, love never dies," he replied.

They looked at each other with Numb feelings, like two angry, living-dead air whales psyvamping at the very cold opening of the nexus waiting to escape, which looked and sounded like a dark electronic music song. They were two burning stone bodies struggling to the beat.

Darius studied Avee's thin eyes and burning cold mouth. Eventually, he took a deep breath. "I'm sorry," began Darius in apologetic tones, "but I don't feel the same way, and I never will. I just can't fuck you yet Avee."

Avee looked Passionate, her emotions raw like a manky, mangled mirror of lust.

Darius could actually hear Avee's emotions shatter into pieces. Then the shy indifferent hot mess of a gothic lust-hungry vixen hurried away into the distance.

Not even a drink of Corona would calm Darius's nerves tonight.

Darius thought to himself, "Fuck she doesn't know how hard I'm gonna put it down on her. First, to open portal." But, the soul Courier Leah was who he was thinking of.

Self-reflection...long hard road out of hell

(Just a vent/reflection, not a crisis) Damn, ha.

When you are "Dead to the World" and "Uncomfortably Numb" -shit, life becomes "living death."

I'm absolutely convinced that the powers of this world do not give a flying fuck about any of us. Word.

And, the hard thing about being "a person and human" in these days is that, "No one wants to be real or themselves, and would never admit to being human." It would be an instant guilty death sentence.

At times, it seems impossible to explain to anyone who you are when life is one continuous state of change. It has been a struggle day to day to exist, be thick-skinned, and take on the world in the same merciless and heartless way it comes at us all.

How do you say, "I'm doing good/ok. I'm not hurting myself or anyone. I'm living one day at a time mitigating suffering, and at times holding on for dear life. I'm not the same but I want to think I'm a much better person than I used to be." How the fuck do you say that let alone people believe it???

Even if time passes on, and you become your own "Alpha Idealistic Ideal," the realization is that very few, if next to no-one will give a flying fuck about you one way or the other.

People only love "Winners". People only want the fantasy of "their way and ideal" which essentially leaves you either fucked up, or eager to give a fuck even more so than the person who told you they don't give a fuck about you.

Shit, I hate to think like this, but, do I live in denial of the way the world and people are?

It's like you can't say you are sorry, you can't expose yourself, you can't say you live or have feelings -and then if you do, the world fucking devours you.

I'd rather have friends than enemies. I'd rather have lovers than haters. I'd rather have a life than this fucked up day-to-day humdrum.

Of course I can have "feelings" and regrets, and sadness, and weakness -but all of that essentially equals shit with I don't know how many people but, unfortunately I have experienced them all.

How the flying fuck do you say, "I never meant for my life to go this way, let alone come off any less fucked up than you."

It's like with Lovers. You love them, you fuck them, and it all seems to end in the same god-damn flames that it all began.

Today's "politically correct" - the fucking "religiously correct" - all the divisions we make up to separate ourselves from one another -I really feel that it is all one big-refried bowl of shit.

Loneliness -if fucking kills me. But, what am I supposed to do? I'm not interested in justifying myself, or faking it til I make it. Society -it's cool if you can "get in where you fit in" but what happens when that place does not exist?

Compassion/Regret/Forgiveness - I have studied hundreds of books on religion and philosophy. Honestly I haven't found one person who practices what they preach.

It is even hard to say to people, "I don't know if you realize how much you meant to me, and I know it has been a while but - I fucking miss the shit out of you. No, I don't remember everything that happened. No, I don't hate you. Yes, I think we were both good and fucked up at the same time. Yes, we both had ups and downs...it's just a long time to hurt -even if I have to play fucking "cold and dead to the world."

When you "succeed" if ever you do well -at what price? There were a handful of people in my life that I sincerely and whole-heartedly wanted to "go all the way with". Maybe I'm just fucking naive. Who knows?

With "Lovers" - When you are a guy, "You are either Alpha (Super Monster Big Dick Dream Boat Millionare), or you get fucked off with "13 flavors of societal emasculation." Girls love you when they think you are on. The moment Godzilla Millionare Dong comes along...you're fucked buddy.

Of course, I have to admit than many girls/women/ladies probably go through just as much crap too. In this day and age girls/women/ladies are held to just as many unreal expectations as well. Honestly, I can't fully comprehend or even begin to imagine what they go through.

Mistakes - I don't know one person who hasn't made any. But, it is ball-smashing when you become the scapegoat justification that other people use for why "you are fucked up" and the world is fucked up.

At this time, I stay busy -socially outcast, hollow, numb, feeling non-existent, constantly reflecting on the past with wisdom to do better. Situationally, I am aware of others, do what I can, and keep shit as real as possible except when I'm working hard creatively hustling with all I know.

If I could go back and change all my "fucked-up-ness," I would. If I could go back and correct bad situations I've had with other people -fuck, I would have already done it. The irony is that there is no going back. People will either forgive and forget, or hate your guts and say, "Fuck you forever."

Everyone has regrets. Anyone who says they don't is a liar.

When I go out in public, I wonder what kind of life people are living. When I see families or couples, I wonder what's that like. As a Goth, a fucking lone Goth...a stranger in a strange land -it's hard to tell the difference between what is savage and what is native.

No, I wouldn't love to fake it til I make it. No, I don't want to be perfect. No, I don't want to be fucked up forever. Life is just to entirely fucked up and complex and insane to make sense of.

Music, art, photography, writing self-education - that's all I really feel I have.

Wished a lot of different shit and people wouldn't have passed me by, and cursed and damned me to hell.

Don't get me wrong as only less than a handful of people still exist in my life. It's hard watching life chew them up and spit them out. It's hard wishing that the life and people you used to know are -somehow still doing well, out there in this forsaken world.

It's like I'm a Ghost going through the motions. It's like I'm..."A Goth in the Shell."

At times, I wished my nightmares would stop.

I used to have dreams of many worlds, simple dreams: a cool career, a place to call home, a companion, something that resembled a family but not stereo-typically defined.

On a positive side, set some small goals of making a few music mixes, so far so good.

I think short-term. I am situationally aware.

I would say I'm doing ok but, I think I'm here in limbo.

It's a long hard fucking road out of hell.

High Meditation Magic-Sex of the Ancients - Intimate Holy Explosion

No-consequence

.... 1:11 a.m., the success of my last meditation ripped the righteous veil aside. Churning the lesser particulates,...passing the matter scale -passionate whiplash across my shell of hollow.

Beyond millions, the grains purify like a fire of fury fervently flaying for flickering of fluttering fleeting...forward favorably, fluidly, flaccidly.....I am fully found.

If the "pre-trip experience" were a way to whisper into your spark, "Combustion," the sea-foam explosion of your yonder self would shimmer and shake and spin and twist, the greater the flick of the tongue than the wrist; Breathing my "Ka" -if you spoke naked mystical French, you would say, "Ooo la la, la la."

In the distance, I saw myself naked, sweating, and laying under a palm tree with all my palms open, and laid wickedly a-splay the fortune of seeing myself exposed, excited the magic of your day -fire.

Churn and burn,...how you teach me too yearn and seek not the "sidhi" for I should lay you in the bed of infinite world sands, and anoint you would myrrh, mind, and sweet milk tasting...honey.

Really, it was the romance of your endless....vitality. The way you charge the beat in my chest by thrusting all moments into a vibratory frenzy, collapsing above, below, behind, and in front of you.

Watching all of you undulating under every color of light, the texture of your delights takes me again, and again; oh, what a wonderfully wicked game you place -scream and write my name...with your deliverance.

The song played as if we were speakers. Wind playing us as sexual violins tuned to the "key of X". Every time you speak, I couldn't help but moan as your rapture made all of my being pour with elated, violent jerks of immediate, electrifying soul modulation.

Oh, you're the right one -of infinite incarnations. Let me know you in every whimsy, as we...ramble with the throws of craving, our mouths eager to fill, devour, and pray with our feather tongues.

You make every point of my body feel like infinite stars desiring to explode, again, and again, and again.

It's no big deal as it is of no consequence. We both ride the high, the ass, and thigh of the Golden Dragon.

Throwing me down, and kissing my face with wreckless abandon...you whisper, "Your long infinite golden explosion drips from my mouth."

...1:44 a.m., sweaty, rough-ridden, heavy beating heart; sitting in a steaming pool -my hands your hands, my body your body, my lips...oh my lips...oh my god my lips...your lips on fire, quivering forever.

Friday, June 2, 2017

No More God Kings or God Queens (Free-form poetics)

I shall begin in FREEDOM, and shall begin again, and again in FREEDOM!

Summon not from the void of flesh a "false leader" as if flesh is highest.

Though 10,000 years have  passed, it seems the primitive ego is ignorantly self-satisfied.

No need to superimpose Archetypes on ourselves.

Old paradigmatic Archetypes need not control the world.

Freedom is not clever and contrived limitation.

The ancient Royal occult's have killed and strangulated far to long.

No head need be heavy with an illusionary crown.

We are neither slaves nor sacrificial animals for the ancient evil ideals of control disguised as life, religion, and government.

Plum I am, yet need no guide.

I am level without need for support of false walls.

Square is a simple geometry not a sequestering jail.

My mind is the compass of the universe.

The need for false religions and gods is a false entrapping sirens call.

No human flesh is guide or god.

No human created abstract is god. Not even the curse of "Human Rule of Law".

Omega to all human-created false gods and religions.

I do not server human created gods, religions, or abstractions.

Old gods, Dead Gods, New gods - no such thing.

To all human created gods and religions - I DO NOT SERVE YOU!

No more empires.

No more kingdoms.

No more talking "power-heads".

No more ritual.

No more ceremony.

No more fiction based "letter written book-gods".

I destroy all false gods, false beliefs, and false powers in and outside of my mind.

I am not a lowly ignorant primitive savage, nor shall I be programmed.

I will not bow down!

I smash the old-skull like a jail of abstract ideological slavery.

BOW DOWN TO NOTHING!

I shall begin in FREEDOM, and shall begin again, and again in FREEDOM!

Friday, December 9, 2016

Mind Re-programming - A positive step

“The human-mind experience is the most programmable experience of all.”

“Healing is best given and received without stereotype, stigma, burden labeled, or expectation”

“Unity is well-found without pain caused by separation through division and objectification.”

My intention with writing this is to share what has helped me with hopes it will help others. The world is in a crazy place at the moment and many people need help. Whatever bias or bad English I express here, I hope you will excuse me and get the basic “gist” of what I’m attempting to express.

I seek no benefit for sharing. If any of this helps you, please share it with others. I give this work as a sacrifice and labor of love. All I did was read a book and thought it would be nice to share with others. The book I have read is called “Handbook to Higher Consciousness”.

Yes, I know the title may seem a little bit strange but, I think the basic ideas might be really good for people considering all that is going on. It’s not so much a “new age book” as it is “good medicine.” And, medicine generally only works if you take it.

The abbreviation used in this article, “H.T.H.C.”, refers to the book: “Handbook to Higher Consciousness”

The world, life-forms, people, and our lives and perceptions are one awesome feedback system. At one time, I didn’t believe it. After studying some metaphysics, physics, and science -the theory of an interconnected, dynamic system because more than plausible. With more time and experience, I eventually “realized” that it was true. Matter of fact, I am still amazed at all of it.

Whatever we experience, put into, or take away from has “cause and effect.” It is more than the standard understanding of “karma” or other religious connotations. It is apart of the very existence of life and energy. In living and learning I have experienced stressors that have confused me or led me astray.

It is harder to “learn truths” more-so than it is “to directly experience truth.”

I admit that I struggle with many forms of “negativity.”  As much as I try to escape negativity it seems to be everywhere, in everyone, and everything. As far as I know this is just the way it is. So, every once in a while I find something that helps me deal -even if it is only in my head. Most of the time it is a second-hand, cheap used book.

Reading, writing, and creating are the types of “preferred therapy” I apply towards improving myself and coping. Matter of fact, as I sit in my cold, small room with a few piles of books, although I have nothing and am alone, I am contentedly working on myself with what I have. Since I deal with negativity on almost a daily basis, working on myself and my issues is a never-ending battle.

It is also difficult to heal and make progress when people are having serious negative issues around you. The people you are around and have various relationships with are the difference between health and sickness. As simple as it sounds, “If you are around sick people, you will get sick. If you are around healthy people then, it becomes kind of easier to heal various issues.” Our health is an all-encompassing state of being. Health is more than the physical; Health is mental health, energy health, and life existing health.

In no way what so ever am I labeling myself a “victim.” However, I am proactively taking stronger responsibility for my life, health, and well-being. Since I have no real life so to speak, it is the least I can do.

Perhaps one day I will crawl up out of this pit and see the light of day if I am lucky to still be alive. None the less, for now I will have to be my own light in the recesses of this bone-chilling, pitch-black, lifelessly-empty pit. I do admit to generous amounts of humble self-deprecation that I need to work on too.

It takes a long time to heal and get better. This journey in life seems to require constant regeneration in order to make it. The healing process can become harder and take longer when your resources are limited. At times, your life can be complicated by other people who are sick in one way or another. Ironically, you can find strength where you thought you had none. We are all “weak and powerless” at times in life. It is up to us to change. No one said it would ever be easy “Riding the Dragon of Life.”

I try to separate myself from people who are seriously toxic. It is not easy. There are times I have to catch myself and stop the negative energy I have been exposed to. These days it seems common practice for anyone to exercise evil or negativity without regards to oneself or others. I’m guilty of doing this. The more I grow in my “awareness and clear-thinking,” I’m slowly making progress.

It takes a super-human amount of strength to resist negativity and evil. With the internet and all new forms of media communication, negativity and evil are always one click away. I’ve tried to run away and isolate myself from it but, almost all of society and everyone I know is immersed in the non-stop evil and negativity that saturates the internet and media. Even at my weakest point, I’m still fighting for some kind of peace. The best peace I have managed so far is, “Staying calm in the middle of a negativity storm.”

My entire life I have made so many mistakes out of ignorance and stupidity I am surprised I am still alive. It seems like it literally takes a life-time to understand what and who we are in a humble sense. If you don’t know any better, or, your life upbringing and customs are different from others, what can be expected ?

Although I am “no-one, not accomplished much, a life long trouble maker, and don’t have anything,” I am slowly feeling better about myself and just want to live a simple good life. To much bad self-programming has fooled myself into not living in a way that wouldn’t bring so much suffering on myself or others.

At some point, you accept where your actions lead you and who you become. I might never really have anything or be anyone important, but, that’s ok. I’m slowly getting better and learning contentment. Mainly, I’m de-programming that “I have to be someone, or do something, or accomplish something in order to be happy.” Also, I’m learning to de-program a range of bad ideas and pre-conceived notions.

Compared to other people in the world, I live like a King although I don’t have anything to my name. Strange to have nothing and yet be alright considering you have nothing. Must be irony.

The book I have been reading lately is “Handbook to Higher Consciousness”.  I may not fully understand or ascribe to all of the composition but, the overall work has made me contemplative. The explanations, techniques, and meta-science/psychology have been quite insightful. Aside from the religious allusions and philosophical comparatives, it qualifies as a “self-help/improvement” book. I’m cool with it.

I always need help. I’m pretty much a never-ending train wreck that never gets to the station (joking). Really, I’m more like two shoes: one with a hole in the big toe and the other in the heal. Guess I need to shuffle when I step, ha. That, and buy some more socks -a little less holy.

All of our experiences have a direct influence in shaping our lives and egos. Everything we do, what we put into our minds, the people we associate with -all of these factors have an effect on life.

My biased opinion: You do not require religion, philosophy, politics/government to live. These things have a few ideas that are ok when you strip away the “non-essential, manipulative, empty poetics.” The good ideas of the aforementioned are generally common sense and basic knowledge understood by many living life. However, I do believe that some religions, philosophy, politics/government have been more destructive (historically substantiated) to the human-condition than natural catastrophe. I believe those destructive issues mainly come from addictions to security and power.

It isn’t wise to “help and hinder with the same hand.” It is wise to extinguish suffering non-destructively.

We can inflict suffering on our lives with too many rules and legalisms. Cruel and intentional manipulation of language with law and legalism is analogous to power-dominance and tyranny. Limitation should never be defined or constituted as “Freedom” when it is in fact “Restriction.” We can limit our own happiness and ability to live healthy when we are to harsh on ourselves or others. I for one should know.

Life help and healing should never be restrictive, manipulative, or devised with a cleverly disguised agenda. I also believe that help, charity, and goodwill to other beings should be without gain, expectation, and, entirely unconditional. Some modern day forms of help seem more like psychological weapons of manipulation rather than sincere forms of help.

The best help and charity we can do for ourselves is learning to “Know Thyself.”

It is genuinely hard to find people who wish to help others with no thought of themselves in mind. It is even harder to find ourselves wanting to help ourselves. So, are we genuinely helping or “appealing to the addictive nature of some form of programming?”

It is possible to “be drunk with programming” analogous to being “sober and free of bad programming.” It is also like being honest with ourselves and others. Just as a mirror “does not lie, the reflection is “entirely clear” when you can “see yourself in complete truth and honesty.” And yes, it is a hard thing to do.

We should not seek to “be clever and manipulate.” People can become “addicted to helping others due to the programmed expectation of a perceived good-deed.” However, I think a “true charity” to others comes completely without “thought, expectation, or gain.” If we are only doing good things to get an “endorphin rush” then, we are appealing to the addictive programming of “sensation.” True for ourselves as well.

A “true charity” or “good-dead” done for others is free from any programming or sensation addiction. It happens in truth and spontaneity of the “Pure Aware Consciousness,” unbound and free of programming.

Why do I say this about “charity or good-deeds?” Because of the “addiction to the sensation programming.” If we do something because we simply “feel good” or have been “programmed as what is perceived as right,” the supposedly positive gesture becomes the expression of the nature of sensation addiction. The point of either becomes entirely missed. When it comes to helping ourselves, the same applies.

In some forms of “Zen” the perfect “movement or expression” is without conscious programming. Rather it is through “Pure Aware Consciousness.” Imagine healing or helping yourself or others without battling “sensation, security, or power.”

Pure Aware Consciousness is analogous to “clear thinking and insight” without negative distortion.

The “ego-backed, programmed mind” can act as destructive as any weapon. (Pg. 58 Handbook to Higher Consciousness) Therefore, we have to be careful to harm neither ourselves nor others when seeking to re-program or heal ourselves of problematic issues. Life is composed of various forms of survival. These various paths of survival come with obstacles.

In this article, when I speak of “life” and “living”, I mean basic survival. In addition, I mean a form of survival that is more than purely animalistic-jungle survival. A life of healthy simplicity and contentment is best. The volition of your life movement should come from your pure awareness as opposed to the reactionary momentum of programming. The difference is that of a human as compared to a robot.

So, are you “going through the motions” or “living consciously?” Living consciously is the difference between a “virtuoso performance” and a “routine.”

You can live without some of the programming you have received since birth. I say this with respect to survival as absent of vanity, luxury, and ideological illusion. It is dangerous to make “something out of nothing -especially if that nothing is not in accord with living.” Unfortunately, our world has created a multitude of ideological burdens that have made illusions dangerously harmful.

Various types of “traps” program many people. These traps include social, cultural, religious, philosophical, ethical and moral, tribal, law and legal, logic and reason, and ego other based deceptions.

“A trap is an inflexible, ridged, self-motivated system, based upon static condition, often engaging in adversarial combat, not allowing freedom of growth, expansion of human life, or sharing of free conscious life-promoting ability.”

We have regrettably given our programmed minds precedence of importance over the very existence of life itself. I believe there is immense danger in “distorted perceptual separation” which accepts only parts of a being, and not the “total life of a being.”

Example: “Our modern world has placed too much emphasis on judging the past-actions of a being, completely absent of the constant and continual change of life, denying life unless it meets a lifeless static unwavering definitional qualification.”

A peaceful, united world society can exist without judge, jury, and executioner.

You can no more catch the reflection of the sun or moon in the water than you can stop the flowing waters of life. So, why do we keep perpetuating all things that constantly destroy ourselves and our world? Controlling, dominating, and manipulating ourselves and the world is not the right answer.

Example: The false correlation the Justice System often makes is that of comparing “legal text-book” examples to “real-life” contriving an endless future of suffering. We make the same mistakes by comparing our lives with certain aspects of the lives of others. Instead of seeing ourselves in one another, we dissolve unity of life through separation.

When I speak of “unity” I don’t mean a “perfect utopian world.” A world of wise, peaceful tolerance is the real world ideal I’m speaking of. It seems until we stop separating ourselves that dream will have to wait.

We spend far too much time dredging up the past and living in a imaginary future. We spend too much time seeing only ourselves, living out our addictive programming, battling against the programming of others.

Dwelling in to many disconnected moments of time indirectly steals our life and ability to just live. We are no more yesterday than we are tomorrow. It is next to impossible to live your life each moment when you are else-where in illusionary time-based perception. Separating yourself from world is like separating yourself from life.

The past is behind us and the future far beyond us. Why would you want to exist in either of those?

Even the idea of living in the “Now” is still a programmed place holder for time. Our programming still has us addicted to the idea that we have to “exist in a place-holder of time.” Time is a “human abstract construct.” Time is an idea that functions as a place-holder for explaining things we do not fully understand.

What if you could live without limiting your perception of life to the idea of time?

Why worry about “all the time in the world” when you could have “all of your life to live in the awareness of living?” You do not require “ideas” in order to live and exist.

Before our minds were filled with endless amounts of garbage, we were “Pure Conscious-Awareness.” Pure Conscious Awareness (these words/title) represent something that you can realize again. Those moments of “no-thought, timelessness, forms of blissful contentment” -these are Pure Conscious Awareness.

How do you get there or do it? Simple. Being aware of your awareness. That is a good start. The more you do it, you will understand what I am attempting to express through the limitations of language. Once you learn to maintain that state, your life will being to change. I would not even begin to write about this if I had no such experience. The closets state I can think of that might describe the next higher step is like “Nirvana.” Nirvana as we know is generally defined as a “state beyond pleasure and pain.”

Starting out, I didn’t know if it would work or not. How do I describe it? At first, it is like mirrors reflecting into one another then, seems to grow into another state. The separation between subject-object starts disappearing. Instead of feeling distant to other people and the world, you start to see how you fit in. It does take a continuous practice or you can begin making negative progress. I have read that if you practice correctly for some time you eventually arrive at much higher states.

Our programming is composed of endless amounts of sensory inputs -most of which are unnecessary to live. It is important to keep in mind that, “The human world is a human ideologically created world.” I do think it is important to find a “programming, or way of life” that works in a positive optimum life-affirming. Any way that is obviously a “way of suffering” is not life affirming. We have to keep in mind that much of our life-programming is composed of addictive forms of suffering.

Example: We -humanity- have created a “System of Judgment” that is not so much “healing and self-correcting” but rather a reactionary power center. Our “human created judgments” are based upon the “egos desire for power and control.” This power-trip of the ego has led to the creating and manifestation of a ideological chimera called “The Rule of Law” controlled by lesser powers of the ego called “Law and Order.” It is mind-boggling what the “human ego mind” will create and bring forth when compelled by “Sensation, Security, and Power.” If it were not were for the “ego’s addictive programming for power,” we wouldn’t need or create such destructive things. Due to other forms of suffering these things came to be.

Lets say you record a sound and replay that sound over and over. Lets say you do that with more and more sounds until you have a huge wall of crazy sounds. All sensory input is like that. Whatever you put into your mind over the coarse of the day or your life becomes like a huge tidal-wave. This can drain your energy, make you feel overloaded, less perceptive, and even drive you to feel crazy. A large majority of mental issues directly manifest from addictive, harmful programming. Our mind perception is a complex feedback system. Feedback is a reaction.

The rational, ego-laden mind is like a burning candle. The candle stays lit every time you add another program, idea, or sensory input. What do you do? Learn to blow the candle-flame out. Some Eastern practitioners of meditation also call it, “Calming or taming the Monkey of the mind.”

Fighting fire with fire only produces more fire. You can not live in the world if you are too busy burning it down to nothing. I can admit to wanting to watch it all burn down. But, I was re-acting to addictive security and power programming. I let my ego seek destruction based upon a reactionary feedback loop.

How can you live life to the fullest if your mind programming denies you ability to live “consciously aware and happy every moment of your life?”

I can agree to the fact that sustained peace is always an ongoing life-work in progress.

Regardless of what freedoms “we think we have or not,” if we can not “allow ourselves freedom” then, peace becomes substituted by pain and suffering. Recognizing our issues and consciously working on our problems are among the first steps to freedom by healing ourselves. I admit that it isn’t easy and takes work, but it is all worth it in the long run. Even if you made only one-percent progress and nothing more, one-percent is good. You have all of your life to help and heal yourself. You might help others to, who knows?

My idea to explain perception is; “Our life perception is a combined three-fold experience. This experience consists of our internal perceptions, our collective perceptions, and finally the world as it is regardless of our perceptions.” This idea is an oversimplified way to explain a very complex perceived illusion. The reason I use the word “illusion” in this article is because I feel it best represents mental programming.

We create our worlds internally based upon what we experience from the external reality. Therefore, we might say, “Certain aspects of our minds internally reflect what we are experiencing externally, and therefore re-act externally as such.” It is not so much “duality” as it is understanding “oneness.” I use the word “oneness” not to designate a metaphysical state but the unified station of interconnected reality.

In addition, I do not think it is too much to say, “We mirror and reflect our world to some degree.”

We have a tendency to interpret and apply our programming in three ways: Sensation, Security, and Power. These three ways create “stress” in one form or another. (Pg. 59 Handbook to Higher Consciousness)

It is always through Sensation, Security, and Power that our “reactionary triggers” activate. When our “triggers are activated” through internal and external stimulus, we “re-act” in various ways.

Our “triggers” are also “addictions.” When a stimulus occurs, our internal programming can lead us to re-act, or cause “suffering”. (H.T.H.C.)

It is import to our well being to move away from “subject-object” manipulation. All objectification occurs inside our own mind. In other words, most of the issues we experience are directly caused by “within our own minds.” These issues as mentioned before include “social traps, cultural traps, and ego traps.” (Pg. 33 H.T.H.C.)

We must be careful to discern the reality of an issue. Ideas themselves can be entirely dangerous if introduced and propagated with the intention to hurt or destroy etc. This is especially true if our actions and intentions are based on hurt, negative issue, or problems we have experienced. All ideas are abstract and only exist in our minds, and shared perceptive realities.

When our programming clash with the programming of others conflicts happen.

The greater danger is when we act out on shared or perceived suffering in such a way that it causes more suffering. Pain and suffering can be transmuted like viral ideas.

When a person transmits pain or suffering to other people -even in ideological form- it is possible to propagate a cause and effect chain of suffering.

Suffering is like a bad weed in a garden that must be uprooted, or, put where it can harm none.

Two wrongs never make a right. Re-enforcing evil harm with more evil harm only causes more evil harm. Death begets death. I choose life.

If you constantly dwell in pain, so shall you become addicted.

If you constantly dwell in pleasure, so shall you become addicted.

Addiction is suffering brought on by life-experience that programs our mind-ego complex.

Life programs can also be called “attachments.”

It is possible to re-program, or, do away with certain programming with various techniques (I.e. “Live and Learn.”). Taking “responsibility” for our life and life programming, I believe, is a key to higher states of living. Various esoteric sources state that “taking responsibility for oneself” is part of our over-all growth as “consciously aware beings.” To deny our health and growth is a quick path to death and destruction.

You begin re-programming addiction by directly addressing the issue and engage in understanding the issue. Re-programming can include conscious focusing, word-phrase, physical position alteration, and bioelectrical tension release relaxation. (Pg. 96 H.T.H.C.)

Understanding the various components of our mind is apart of being “conscious aware.” The rational mind, the self-ego, and mental programming make up the complex that becomes the obstacle of our “conscious awareness.”

We might say our pure conscious awareness is our true center. On top of the center is the ego. On top of the ego is our programming. Instead of seeking to destroy ego/rational mind, we seek to work with and better understand the other “mind-forms.” To destroy a thing without necessarily understanding a thing is counter productive to the merit of understanding a thing. Remember, we are not seeking to destroy our being, but rather unify all that is our being, not separate from best possible life-experience we can have.

Part of understanding our programming is that of understanding “perceptual time.” Our programming consists of past, present, and future mental constructions. The past is gone. The future from our point of time is imaginary. It is the “now” that is important. At the same time, “pure conscious awareness” is more important than the time-based construction of “Now.” Seeking the timeless space is better. At far elevated states of living existence, time isn’t an idea or perception.

It has been said that nothing per-say exists in an absence of time and space, but then again, who has been there and when did they experience it? Answer: “Ah,…so”

Being “conscious aware” without negative harm or hurt is a realistic positive optimum to strive for.

I would like to note that, “Acknowledging any form of negative programming or addiction is a best first step towards a happier life.” Therapy, self-help/improvement, and engaging in healthy life-style practice is a life-long journey toward sustained wellness.

Ideas are like anchors we attach to chains that, we cast from our ship, attempting to control and maintain our place in the ever-moving ocean of life. You can never know where the journey of life will take you if you are “anchored and chained to suffering, attachment, and addictive programming.” Cast off and sail away my friend.

The ancient motto of “Knowing Thyself” is more than a motto. It is a key to freedom in life.



Friday, November 18, 2016

Visions Nov 12, 2016

Visions Nov 12, 2016

Yesterday, while flipping through a dictionary, several words stood out and clearly caught my attention. Might write more about the rest of the words in other posts.

Only one was of curiosity to me: “Gate”.  The first appearance was yesterday around 5 P.M. or mid-evening. Today, it occurred around 2 P.M., with flashes on and off. It was hard to conduct my daily meditations. I have to meditate often as my “empathic” abilities get the best of me at times. Depending on who I am around or what I am exposed to; Like a Psychic Sponge I soak up everything. I admit, it hurts. It hurts more than you can imagine when ninety-nine out of a hundred everyday people you come in contact  with are dripping with evil in some form or another.

There aren’t enough pop-bubble-gum-bullshit songs in the world to make me smile. Even if there were, what one song-like-lie would be good enough to cure the reality of a real life lie? Chew-on my friends, chew-on.

There are times when I see patterns in life, in literature, the Death Box (Television) that jump out at me as I know I will see them again. Not just because of the redundancy of this world, but, that happens to be the way “I see things.” And no, I’m not crazy (well, maybe a little). And no, I’m not on anything. I’m completely sober. Though I have to admit it would be nice to smoke a joint and drink a beer every now and again. But, I don’t do anything these days as it is way to easy to get into trouble for anything in America -including wiping your ass the wrong way. No shit.

Politically Correct Good-Guy Badge Zombies are on the march and their eyes are everywhere. They have already set up the “New American Concentration Camps” here and await the day they decide to herd us up.

If I allow my mind to drift while concentrating on what comes to me, I can “auto-write”. Here is what I wrote after my last insight. There is so much here, and, in this case it does not look good. Funny to think if my life were on “auto-pilot” and I constantly “auto-wrote” who would need or read a New York best seller? But, I’m not an “English Nazi” and have no Mastery of the English language. I’m pretty sure much of what I write isn’t read, or, is thought to be completely worthless and crazy to most. That’s how the chips fall I guess. Who knows, maybe I will get lucky “posthumously.” I don’t know as most of the “creative people” I really like are either “dead or dying” so it all works out, ha.

Rolling thoughts of talking heads
Pagans walk as all false religion is clearly seen for what is it: control
Natives at war, their Elders were right, we loved neither ourselves nor the world
Too many pipes and wells, burning before they were created in and with blood
Searching for peace, gods of old killing us, wanting to live without thought programming us
1-3-6-0-3-11-4-9-11, these numbers, amongst piles of orders to kill all liberty
Too many contrived false Holidays of Death programming all with precision
To many people speaking with expectation of being heard
Those who seek change and reform battle the same stream as those wanting things to stay the same
A shadow from the void, from space, our lights do not defy gravity
Blood, wheat, oil - stock becomes what is always been - nothing
A desperate move, a leader of hope dies, all role models die
The empty throne, the she archetype speaks again
The people submit, an Order of New rules all
America -Empire of Death, the Watchers are not Heros, Heros sacrificed for nothing
Control begets suffering, suffering begets Dependence, Dependence begets Death
They plan to kill many, save only the ones they favor, elite DNA caste systems
All world leaders incompetent to lead, yet competent to their egos demand
An Act National is no Defense, yet a promissory note of selective Death birthing globalism
Delivering that same Death from a distance, so personal, the hive collective diseased obeys
Political Excuses riddled with Digital lies, here comes damnation one byte at a key stroke
Go ahead and push the button, that is how you live and fated us all to die
Governments decide who to keep and who to discard
Social networks decide who to keep and who to discard
Societies decide who to keep and who to discard
People decide who to keep and who to discard
Yourself, do you keep or discard?
All of my life, the Outsider…always discarded
Billions now discarded,…we are all Outsiders
Creating the new future death wars one science experiment at a time
They can’t build caves underground or temporary star-ships fast enough
Soldiers of chips and metal, machines motion the fatal stroke
Scientist stupid and giddy playing God in shadows and secrets
Artificial Intelligence gets smarter and smarter, we get stupider than stupid
It will be a Trident Nuclear, not an Arrow from Cupid
Upon the backs of attention and money whores, drunk with blood
The hour falls, they call it desolation, Democracy became a fecal psychological blot
At the same time, everyone casts their egotistical unholy self-centered lot
Six Strings of News Cabals pulled by One governmental string, listen to liars sing
The is no more ball and chain, just an infinite Nuclear fire ring
Round tables of talking media idiots
Round tables of talking political fools
Round tables empty, where families used to be
We the viewers of reality used like tools
Entertainment Circus, 3 Rings of Death, Programming Pacification Escapism
Ism has now become ISM, sex violence murder non-stop televised media schism
Star radioactive sprinkles, star power is false power, a multitude of fools for every imagining
The center of the world is not Holly Wood, New York, or even Washington D.C.
The center of the world is the creation of destruction, and the destruction of creation
Our Ego has become the center, we do not see hear or acknowledge anything else
Media chatters endless mantras of killing, death, and the message that we destroy each other
Billions of Monkey-see and Monkey-do, everyone get your social media gun to do
When they say they will inform and help, really they mean to kill you
Thrill you with another video and sound bite -reality, far out of sight
My other eye, the Gates open
Poverty class doesn’t care anymore they start Dopen
The living kaleidoscope in my vision is red
As if I lived my visionless life dead
Pseudo-intellectuals like witch doctor psychologists fall from their imaginary shadow ivory tower
We use misdirection on ourselves with digital electronic machine voo-doo power
Those who sell what they know for face-time know nothing at all
I have never had any peace or grace, all I’ve known is the forever fall
Words from Media and Ignorant Leaders becomes Cynically Iconoclastic to the heart of People
If I got to say my words and speak crazy and act out on SNL, they’d lock me up inferno jail
When we are dead, we will watch ourselves in horror re-runs, eternal media hell
We have taught ourselves to only listen to ourselves
We have taught ourselves to only see ourselves
He hopes to be given Oath and Keys to the KingDom
He receives the accomplishment of final exit
The illusion of World-Unity is drowned by countless egos in world-empty loneliness
We can’t see ourselves for the vanity of skin-bags and flesh-leaves
World Chaos explodes, tip toe across the foundation moment by moment erodes
The dirt cries, “Welcome!” in our demonic faces, all media judges kill our life cases, explodes
Earth dust floats suspended in space a time continuum, mental overload head delirium
The surface of multiple pieces unanimated, legalize death patriotism open-ended sedated
Watching from Aether space I can not think, “It should not have happened. Perhaps, … we should have not happened.”


Friday, November 11, 2016

Visions November 3rd and 4th

As I stated in other blog posts, I am "Empathic Precog." I almost opted not to post this but now, I will.

These are my visions on November 3rd and 4th. There is a "Psychic Tidal-wave" coming. Please prepare. Good luck, and I hope you survive.

I have lost more battles than I have fought, and, the war is not over. It’s not over until it’s over. Life has become the ultimate “Theater of Pain.” The huge gulf-like difference between the “haves” and “have nots” is as impossible to cross as turbulent choppy ocean waves.

This evening, I talked with a Wise Man. He knew what I saw. He had seen the same fifty-plus years before. It is the same secret known by the same blood for over three generations. Really there is no use in thinking too much about the inevitable. When it happens, it will happen so fast and hard that “insane hysterical laughter” will not even begin to describe what living voices are left. The rest will give up and die.

America….the Debt inflicted upon our lives has become too great. The bottomless pit swallows more each day. At first we thought to prepare to fight. It was not enough. Then, we prepared to survive. It was not enough. Now, we wait to act in the last moments as we would rather choose to fight in the last moments before death as it seems all American roads lead to death. Funny to think how food, clothing, and shelter become more precious than gold or diamonds.

In a span of 46 hours and 22 minutes, I have had two “precog events”. Within the same time, object contact a weekend back saw one day after with confirmation of an indirect object by person extending twenty years back. The rest of the information didn’t seem as clear.

A chain reaction begins as soon as the election ends. A power shift so powerful begins the ending. All of the cults and sleeper cells upgrade the designation of their alert status. Covert operations brutally take place at a rate faster than authorized groups can negotiate. All operations become as black as the skies covered by burning oil -tinged with the aroma of burnt flesh.

I saw fire, revolutions of nations, millions around the world screaming -my eyes began to burn. Who would imagine it would happen so fast -faster than you could type a message or make a call.

Grids go down. Nation to Nation miscommunication. Ignorant leaders full of fear sweat through their fat overhanging bellies while whipping their decorated soldier dogs into unconscionable free for all movements of murder. The people have no where to run or hide as they scream and die.

Black outs become more than shut down of media but dead silence. All hearts embrace fully the evil they always denied inside of them. The so-called good ones clutch to their false goodness dying for their ignorant faith.

Everything seems as if nothing. The dead noisy silence, war machines marching, we sell our souls to technology. The mark is an impression chip upon our minds. The Patriotic and Weak bow down. The rest fight amongst themselves, the “Justice Slaughters” continue at a rate beyond upkeep or mention.

Soon, the Grand Mover of all destruction speaks. The Demons ready their forces -first strikes echo around the earth as dirt lifts, burns, and shakes with no gravity.

Looking at the sky, those who are left gaze at the dirty black hell that is left. How will we survive?

I will post more visions soon. I do hope you survive the fallout. It is coming. You might call it the end.

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Toxicity, Delusion, Psychic Purple Undulations

Toxicity, Delusion, Psychic Purple Undulations

I am a high-level Empath, with mild to strong precognition, and at times the ability to touch things and I guess see other things. I don’t like to talk about it, but no one believes me anyway. Talk to anyone with a so-called “authority title” about things like this and there is no doubt they would try to lock you up.

There are times if I wonder if I am crazy, lost, or just plain and simple fucked up. Some of the most “holy people” in the world were not perfect, saintly, or even that good. Most of them basically said, “Be yourself, forget being perfect, live and learn.” I can agree with that. There is this entire aspect of my life that is beyond this world. I know that I am not bad -and, that I am not perfect either. Most “genuine holy people” drank, smoked, had intimate relations, and were just people not pretending to be something else.

Lately, I have been absorbing huge amounts of negativity, stress, and various bad man-made power supplies that emit dangerous amounts of wireless communication energy. I live with, and around people who I can see are so “black” I feel their tentacles like hungry vampyric parasites feeding on my very life force. Zombies are indeed real as they are people who were once living, but now hollow shells going through empty habitual rote motions. When I get around these types of people I feel like I start “humming” as if I’m attempting to protect myself from them by way of energetic shield sphere.

I used to see things as completely black and white, good and bad, (etc. and etc.). Comic books, Super Heros, Fairy Tale beginnings and Endings were the sustenance that formed some of my being. It was in different forms of literature that I had hoped to find answers to what I was and was doing.

I do admit that the strange, the twilight darkness, and the fringes of understanding were of curiosity. This is where my “germinal metamorphic seed” became life-long Gothic transformation. It is strange to be a “thing” and not know what you will become. Even at this moment, in my cave, I wait for the night to come so that I can rest from all the evil that people do in the day light and know it not.

“All people are fucked up and crazy, but very few admit it. I say I am all of the above and more.”

Truth, Goodness, and Purity were other things I learned about through Esoteric religions and philosophies. Once, I had this insane idea of living a remote, holy life, in an ancient temple pursuing the path to Enlightenment. It wasn’t so much as being Good as it was the wish that I could somehow save my people and world that was always crumbling around us. Maybe I had a “hero complex” or something. Now, I am more like an “anti-hero” and perhaps even less depending who you ask. I learned everything in this world is “fallible.” I have been to different religious temples, churches, fringe groups; I’ve always had the ability to tell how “holy or spiritual” the places or people were. I am sad to say that there are very few if any. I might even go so far as to say “holy and spiritual” are words we use as place holders for things we think are important. It’s is possible to go a step further and say there is no such thing. Guess it is all in the eye and mind of the beholder and believer.

From my Esoteric studies I have learned you don’t have to be: perfect, good/bad, or anything at all. Basically, the idea is to get the gist of this world, move beyond the veils of understanding, and minimize  what karma and suffering that you are able to. Fading from one wheel, past the veils, going beyond.

I was once told that I was: a holy being, a prophet, a healer, a seer. And, I never really believed any of it. All I could think was, “How can I be any of these things when I know how fucked up I am -or rather, believe that I’m fucked up and impure because others have said I am.” I don’t really feel “holy or like a prophet” in the manner that people typically say and know of. All I feel like is that, “I’m here to see, learn, and do and this is my last go around with the wheel.” I know I can do things but I don’t feel special or privileged because I know all people can do them. It’s only because they choose not to believe they can. I think you can wake up and realize how programmed you are, or, submit to blissful contentment.

Overtime, things changed, I changed. The more I engaged the world with my naive programming -it is crazy that when you “wake up” to how the world really is…you learn how led astray you have become. Truth becomes nothing more than subjective justification. Everyone is right in their own mind and only those with money, power, and super-glorified-human ability rule the day. The rest of us are fodder for the cannon. It’s like how can you talk about something serious -that you can do- when the world of people are entirely selective in what they choose to see and believe. People choose what filters -or blinders- to wear. But, what happens when you aren’t wearing any? What if you see so much it overwhelms you and you have no way or words to explain or show other people? I don’t know any card tricks, but, “I can see through you.”

I’ve had my life and my ass handed to me by this world more often I can count. Most of my bad interactions seemed to stem from the fact of my ignorance, and I underestimated how many “evil people” there are in the world. As you know -if you are like me- there is no such thing as “Good and Evil.” Our perceptions are contingent upon our life programming and experiences. Aside from who and what we think we are all humans are basically the same. I think my abilities have caused me problems because they have allowed me to see through things and people so much that -I don’t know how to be apart of the great lie of the world and people. Maybe that is why I have been and have felt an outcast all of my life.

Yes, I do know what it is like to feel utterly “weak and powerless.” Yes, I know what it is like to “think I know something” and “to know absolutely nothing at all.”

One of the things that I have learned about myself is that I am “empathic.” Matter of fact you could call me a better than average sponge with windows of precognition which I don’t know how to use or understand. I soak up so much from people at times I know how people really feel. It’s really no wonder our world is so screwed up. It’s because we are screwed up so to speak.

Like a bunch of rabid vampire squirrels trying to keep that bloody nut. (Gross)

One time, I soaked up too much energy from suicidal people. I could literally tell how much they were suffering and wanted to die. I could tell that they hurt so bad, I almost couldn’t breath, everything started turning black, the thin veil between worlds peels away -and, I could see the “others, waiting.” Death has a strange energy about it and you can feel it -the unlighted, the shadows,…all around. Makes my spine quiver.

I’ve read that once you develop to a certain point, things start to happen. In Esoteric and occult literature it is often spoken that when you practice that you avoid toying with any specific ability. The idea is to let go of those deceptions and keep moving further ahead if you will. At some point, you start to experience troubles, problems, and the build up within you becomes so great, you and others swear you are crazy. I feel like I’m about to shoot out of my body sometimes like a bar of soap in-between wet invisible hands. There have been a few moments I felt so “energy lathered up” I kept discharging small purple sparks every time I was close to something metallic. A couple other instances I bent water in the same manner you can make water bend using a comb and static electricity. I used to practice on a lensatic compass and got good making the needle twitch. I stopped doing those things as I realize it’s not the power you want, it’s the release.

Couple that with a near death experience and a host of other strange experience and you have me. All of my life I have known that I am different from others. It doesn’t make me very special. It can be a burden as it can make others hate you, despise you, and seek to harm you because you are different. Despite my difference from others, I’d still rather be myself than apart of the zombie-herd.

I don’t know. Sometimes I just wished I was fucking normal and fade into oblivion.

I can’t stand being around great numbers of people for very long. It’s like drowning in a weird psychic-sludge-stew. Soaking up to much of it overwhelms me so much that I have passed out. Power lines and communication towers screw me up. There is this communication tower close to my house that is constantly pulsing at all times of the night and day. It leaves me exhausted and restless. Every time they put another dish, antennae, or reflector on it -I can feel the power signal so much more it gives me a headache. Late at night, if you stand outside and it is quite you can feel and hear that son of a bitch.

It’s hard for me to handle specific objects. If I touch something or someone charged in a certain way, I either get a glimpse into the immediate future, or I soak up whatever they are putting off. I also have to be careful about certain types of information I absorb. Since literally all information is connected in one way or another I have the unfortunate gift of being able to see how things relate that are not obvious to some. At other times, I feel intensely drawn to certain objects as I know I will encounter them again shortly.

The only places that are peaceful for me are deeply isolated places away from people, away from man-made power devices and plants, and are more “natural than man made.” Part of me is a night-owl because the “mental-chatter” is not as loud. I like the day-time, but because of all the things people do in the day, they flood the “air-ways” -if you will- with so much drudgery and unfocused garbage -it is like swallowing an endless stream of “psychic poison.” I do like people to some degree but I have to do it (empath) in moderation or I get sick. Even so-called “good people” can be “toxic” in ways you can’t believe. What’s worse than a genuinely good person is “someone trying to be good” can be as toxic as an “evil person.”

There were a few times I tried to talk to people about what I do but, they all think I am crazy for the most part. So, I stopped talking about it. It isn’t like I can fly or anything -just the ability to see ahead a little bit at random times, picking up vibes from things or people I touch, and a general sensitivity to extremely high-energy bands. At one time, I thought I might have Synathesia. From time to time, if I’m feeling good or altered (not on drugs) I see colors. Like at this very moment, that god damn communication tower is pulsing so hard and so fast, that although other people around are completely oblivious to it, it sounds like a fucking high-pitched whining Siren to me.

Lately, I’ve been soaking up tons of “toxicity.” The negativity drains me, swings my abilities almost one-eighty in the opposite direction, waking up what I’ve read are the “darker occult powers.” I have to be careful when that happens as I have caused a handful of dangerous telekinetic events. It’s strange to think that my darker powers expressed -on this plane- seem just as powerful as my benign abilities. The older I get (oh fucking b-jesus), I slowly understand what I’m doing (I think). I don’t ever use my ability because I don’t really want anyone to know because even that becomes a burden. People start expecting things when they know you can do certain things. But, it’s all random and I don’t know how to turn it on or off. It just happens. In addition, I happen to live in an area that is wickedly hellish. It’s an area where everyone sort of looks like a normal native and smile to your face but, really, they are a bunch of evil wicked fucking savages. Often, I feel like where I live -state wide even- is a huge evil psychic vortex.

I have emailed a few organizations about my ability to control the bio-electricity in my body, but have never heard back from any of them. It’s not a big deal as anyone can do it. Basically, that chill you occasionally feel going down your spine -well, I can make it happen several times in succession and most times at will if I am feeling good. I can also generate weak fields with my hands pretty much all the time. I can do the bio-electricity thing a little less than five or six times then I feel tapped out. Probably could do it more if I practiced, but I have no idea what it’s good for. And no, I can’t light a light bulb although that would be pretty cool.

I decided to write about some of this because I am feeling more and more different lately. It would be nice to talk to other people but either no-one believes me or I wind up talking with people who don’t know what I’m going through. Generally, when you start talking about weird shit, then people think you are crazy and we all know how that ends.

Kill Your Television now! News Media, Talk Show, Television - Entertainment Schisms

Kill Your Television now! News Media, Talk Show, Television - Entertainment Schisms

It all starts in the head and ends in the head.

I saw a “news story” that talked a little how some people had skewed views on reality and the world. At the speed of mad laughter, I almost broke my neck. What better than News Media and Talk Shows to skew things. Parody and comedy shows don’t do any better than add fuel to the fire that soon may hopefully go boom. I guess if your going to get fucked in the head, might as well have a laugh as the end fucking continues, right?

There is a reason why the News calls their bullshit “stories.” A “story” doesn’t mean they have all the facts and they can spin, edit, cut, and paste into pseudo-journalistic oblivion. And, motherfuckers have been known to believe their bullshit too. Who in their right mind would support News at all if you really knew how they operated? Answer: No one other than those who intend to benefit. All perspectives can be considered “spin” including my own. The difference is your ability to discern if some motherfucker is attempting to pull a fast one on you by lying to you. Remember: “All News are liars.” Their agendas have nothing to do with giving you need-to-know information. It is about money and business. That’s it.

The News touts that, “People want to know.” Bullshit. There are plenty of us out here who do not want to know what bullshit the News is selling. The News is as Predatory as anything and anyone else.

Saying I just came up with: “Humanity is the Apex Predator in this world.”

Funny as I do believe humanities new buzz/provocation word if not favorite attack word is: “Predator”.

Humanity has always “preyed” upon itself. This age is no different. Competition is predatory. Survival is predatory. Life is predatory. When you strip away the bullshit details in how humanity dresses things up in ideological candy-coated Disney shit filled wrappers, the truth is quite clear. “Humanity has always been a predator and always will be a predator.” And, thanks to our Information Media we have found the ultimate digital tools to “prey upon each other until Digital Damnation cometh.”

And, since “all humans are predators” what really makes one predator any better or worse than any other? It’s crazy we can love and adore wild animals with killer instincts but when one human steps out of line it so fucking bad and people love to milk shit for all it’s worth.

Shit, it is like Virtual Roman audiences in Virtual Roman Digital theaters demanding informational death for the sake of death itself. We Judge ourselves, pass sentence on ourselves, and kill ourselves one viral trending herd poison every digital second of the day. Thumbs up!!! Woo-hoo!!! Repost!!!

The News  functions and acts as an “extension of Law Enforcement.” Not only do they act as a Policing power, they dredge up the past as if the past shouldn’t stay dead and gone. So, riddle me this, “When did the News ever become the Law?” “Who invested the News with the right to act as a Policing power, let alone aid and abed Law Enforcement?” Answer: No one. I guess when you have nothing better to do or talk about you scrape the bottom of the barrel until there is nothing left to scrape. If the News wants to talk about and act like Law Enforcement, why don’t they put their money where their mouth is and get out there and “walk the walk.” Sure, the News has a big mouth but, when it comes to action -ha, dead fucking silence.

Remember: News Media is Predatory. (Don’t be fooled.)

Remember: Policing Power is Predatory. (Don’t be fooled.)

Remember: Government Power is Predatory (Don’t be fooled.)

Remember: All Humans are Predatory (Don’t be fooled.)

Fuck all weather character people. If I want to know the fucking weather, I will look out my fucking front door. Other than the major weather associations that tell us if the weather is going to kill us or not, I don’t give a flying fuck about News Meteorologist. Meteorologists have infinite job security. No matter whether they get the weather right or not, they still have a job. Ha, and people give fortune tellers shit.

Talk shows -all talk shows- are bad. Even mine. If you know anything about P.T. Barnum, then you know how easy it is to sway the masses per-say. Although, there are those of us who have nothing to gain by injecting bullshit into the minds of millions. Like Barnum said, “A sucker is born every minute.” Look, the court of public digital opinion is a quick, cold, and as heartless as the computers we love so much.

Modern Comedy shows are not my idea of Comedy. They are more like people using a false title like a false front knowingly and intentionally attacking anyone and anything they can in hopes of a cheap laugh. All Comedy is Predatory. Does it work. Fuck yeah it works. Anyone who has read Barnum knows it works. In addition, since the mathematical average intellect of the general viewing audience is low, then getting a laugh is not impossible. Many excellent comics have said they the same thing. You don’t even have to be original with Comedy in this age. Just regurgitate what some former comic did, or, talk about common bullshit that pertains to everyone, imitate or make fun of your own or others stereotype. (Womp womp)

Have you ever watched how wickedly stupid all morning news shows are? Have you noticed how News went from reporting to: attacking, fabricating, defaming, distorting, laughing, misdirecting, preying?

If I had a cheap suit, some nifty graphics, a crack in the wall studio, and some bullshit video clips and sound bites, fuck, I’d call myself the news too. “Breaking Fucking News - this is the end of the world and here are some cute animal videos to watch while you die from mental anus cancer. Film at eleven!”

Sometimes I wonder what fucking planet they get these people from? I read how they really think that they are doing something important -News and Talk Shows that is. One minute they show you all nice positive shit, and then Boom! They hit you with some terribly cringe worthy ass goblin of a horror story. Finally, they end their broadcast by shoving some proverbial positive tear jerker right up your ass.

When it comes to Talk shows, imagine this: “People get paid to sit on their ass and talk about everything which essentially winds up being nothing!” How fucking American! But from what I know, it’s all around the world. God, it must be a fucking great gig: “Sit on your ass and get paid to talk about absolutely nothing.” Man, would I ever love to sit on my ass and get fucking paid. Dream come true right?

“Have a Good Day/Night Ladies and Gentlemen.”

You know, the news never ever reports anything that is important or usable to my life. I asked about thirty-plus other people and they said the same things. I asked about Talk Shows, Comedy Shows, and similar crap and people said basically the same thing. I asked them why they watch those shows. Less than half said that they never really thought about it. I guess that’s the point of television. To passively watch and not think. Wow, what a better time to get fucking programmed in the head!!! My dream come true!!!

I’m convinced that the only purpose of the News is to program and fuck with your head. No shit.

So why the holy fucking hell do we waste our time and lives watching copious amounts of Entertainment?

Are our lives so empty, boring, and meaningless that television and internet and whatever-the-fuck becomes so important that is our entire life? Apparently so. Unreality is now more important than the reality of our own lives. Entertainment has become more important than living. No wonder no one believes in anything.

On one show the shit-head host/hostess said, “If you don’t like it, don’t watch it or turn the channel.” But here’s the fucking deal you Moron, “Since a large majority of people are jacked in and brainwashed to your bullshit, I still have to deal with the fallout from your broadcasting idiocy.” That statement holds true across the board. Almost every outlet, major or minor, is somehow connected. At any given moment, depending on how the “herd” is being “brainwashed” and directed there is no telling what flash-points light up. It’s like one endless fifteen minutes of insanity in every media form and flavor you can think of.

Some people know News Media, and Talk Shows, and Internet bullshit is qualitatively bad, wrong for you, and fucked up. So, why the fuck does the same drudgery of endless anal mental oblivion injections continue? Is there some collective group at the top that intentionally and knowingly keeps fattening the mental cow of stupidity by allowing cookie cutter content on top of endless carbon copy material to keep festering in the world? It seems that way to me. Ok, ok, maybe imitation is flattery to infinity and beyond.

There came a point where I had to turn off the television, radio, computer -all of these unnecessary appendages that were seriously and mentally fucking me up -and people I know. In this age you can not meet or talk to someone not jacked into the net 24/7, or watching television, or some form of multimedia mental programming. I admit it has had an effect on my life that I can’t explain and has given me more problems than benefits or enjoyment.

Yes, even I get sucked into it more than I’d like to admit. Yes, like a fat cow eating grass, if a television appeared, I would stop grazing and start watching television forgetting I was chewing cud.

Who needs drugs or alcohol when some media outlet will fuck you up more than you would ever know?

When I think “News” generally I think that there is something important to know. That isn’t the case these days. It’s all someone else’s idea of what the general public should mentally suck on. Most morning News show are all out jokes with alcohol, music, and such non-sense garbage -shit, I could get more out of watching static on my screen. Makes me wonder who in the fuck is producing these shows? Blind, deaf, and dumb children who write the production on psychedelic paper with invisible ink?

Talk Shows -fuck, just shoot me already. You know, when some people speak, you can actually become a mute because you don’t want to sound as fucking moronic. I know about target audiences and all that nerdy statistical bullshit, but really motherfuckers?!? If there is an audience for televised bullshit on a stick, then I really am as fucked in the head as all of this shit made me. Gee, thanks entertainment and media.

Another thing, I hate “ALL” commercials period. Commercials make television not even worth watching. Same with radio, same with internet videos, same with all outlets. Why the fuck do I want to watch any show when I have to cut the time in half. A three minute video becomes a platforms for commercial fucking mental injection. A one-hour show becomes a thirty-minute joke. A thirty-minute show becomes a fifteen-minute joke. It’s just a waste of my fucking worthless, brainwashed, corn-fed life. During being entertained, I’m mentally fucked by drug commercials.

Commercials fuck me up. Drug commercials that tell me how I’m going to die from the cure. What male or female hygiene products I need. (They broadcast this shit at Dinner and Breakfast). What type of fucking vaginal or penis problem I need corrected. Whether I need a Lawyer because my vagina or my penis fell off or got hit by a semi-truck?!?! I wished they would find other ways to pay for their essentially worthless entertainment shit. At one time, I could watch television and vegetate. Now, I get fucked every time I fire up that fucking flat electrifying mind fucking device. Who needs drugs and alcohol? Thanks T.V., internet, and radio!!!

What’s worse than drug commercials? Mother fucking religious shows. OH MY FUCKING B-JESUS! A few times I had the masterful fucking idea to watch a few religious channels/shows/whatever. In one breath they are telling you how fucked up and evil you are. The next minute they hit you up for money, or to join their cult, or to buy some bullshit religious garbage. At one point -I fucking swear- I could feel my brains being sucked right through my eye balls and thought I was possessed! Then the motherfucker on the screen started chanting and reading “holy moly scripture” and fucking ghosts came out of my walls. Fucking religious motherfuckers are very hairy fucking scary. I mean give me a fucking break. Why the holy fucking Batman do I want someone to tell me how fucked up I am, then offer me free euphemisms and tickets to heaven? How the holy long hard fucking is it possible to legally brainwash people and call it religion?
Needless to say, I exorcised my television and threw that mind warping bitch into the permanent no-power mode -in other words off (for at least 15 minutes). Don’t get me entirely wrong as a few corn-fed religious fucks and a television have some purpose other than for what they are originally intended I guess.

Other shows: Law shows, Crime shows, Mystery shows, Science and Crime Shows -look shit is bad enough in reality without having to see it in story form on television. Who got the grand fucking idea that I want to watch Cops, Detectives, or a bunch of super nerdy computer dorks solving crime??? All of these kind of shows just need to die, get burned to a crisp, and returned to never again. I mean I see all kinds of crime on the news and in reality on a daily basis in my own fucked up part of the world. Who the fuck thinks I want to see that same shit on my television? Probably some white dumbass upper crust yuppie cracker.

So, why do we give a free pass to do shit in Entertainment, and then, in reality we consider it all bad. Just because someone does something and we call it a entertainment or a television show or movie -does that make it right??? Have the lines become so blurred that you get your sex, violence, and murder on television and it’s ok? Is it “so ok” that every form of sex, violence, and murder, and whatever is ok with you as long as it’s Entertainment alright?

If serial killers, criminals, or whatever called what they did “art” or “entertainment” should we give them a free pass? Why not? It all starts in the head and ends in the head. So, what’s the fucking deal?

Just because you see murder or crime on the News doesn’t differentiate the fact if you saw it on a television show or in a movie. Why? It all starts in the head and ends in the head. The idea. Think about it.

Don’t get me wrong as I guess it takes all kind of Hypocrisy to go around. With Entertainment, I suppose we get that free pass to be fucked up and entertain fucked up escapisms as long as we say, “It isn’t real.”

But, isn’t it? Someone has to do all of that stuff: sex, violence, and murder -in Entertainment. You can’t imitate some professions as you would get in trouble. So what gives with everything else?

Think about it. It all starts in the head and ends in the head.

Dream within a motherfucking dream, I guess, right?

Believe it or not, Entertainment of all kinds gives people all kinds of ideas. Entertainment programs and teaches as much if not more than any academic institution in the world.

Oh, and video games too -believe it. I don’t need a study to tell you how violent people get from playing them. I’ve had the wonderful privilege of seeing people turn evil from that shit. Video games and drugs share many of the same qualities: possessing you, making you loose sleep, forgetting to blink, etc.

Do people learn and get new ideas about sex, violence, murder, crime, etc. from Entertainment?

Answer: Yes, absolutely, without question, all motherfucking signs point to yes.

All entertainment makes me violent (joking) including: cute animal videos, bubble gum pop songs, shitty television shows produced by actors, News that acts like a predatory nitrous oxide O.D. club, and pay to view shit. Way, way to over-produced shows of any kind that feel like a clinical anal examination. Yep.

Anyways Ladies and Gentlemen, remember Entertainment -all Entertainment is bad for you.

(Flips the channels, while surfing the net, watching the News, playing a game, getting programmed)

(Haven’t blinked in strait 13 days -ooooo)

It all starts in the head and ends in the head.

The End

(Electric sparks flicker)

(Gong Sounds: Bum Bum Bum)

(Your Head rolls over and flops off the table down the rabbit hole)

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Poem: "I Deal"

Poem: I Deal

I deal - with evil, wicked, hateful people everyday

I deal - with Red-knecks who over-compensate through big shitty noisy trucks

I deal - with Gang-bangers gangsters who think playing their music stereo loud is an cool terror tactic

I deal - with the fact I meet at least one brain-washed person a day

I deal - with stark reality that people are gullible and can’t seem to think for themselves

I deal - with neighbors who overstep their boundaries and act like you don’t exist

I deal - with a neigborhood where no one has any life other than making yours miserable

I deal - with a neighborhood watch that is worse than a high paranoid drug dealer

I deal - with country people whose I.Q. is the same as the number of teeth in their mouth

I deal - with authorities who don’t follow their own rules and think that they are god

I deal - with a government I am sure is gone to kill us all

I deal - with family members who are hateful and look down on everyone, even you

I deal - with family members who are no longer family and I dwell among savagery inwait

I deal - with a shitty band that lives not far from me, yet antagonizes me because I am learning music

I deal - with dope heads and alcoholics who don’t hang out with me because I don’t help with their fix

I deal - with people who know more about me and know me better than me

I deal - with a country that chewed me up and spit me out, leaving me with no recognizable future

I deal - with the cold realization that behind almost every face is a monster waiting to kill you

I deal - with a shitty job, working for shit pay, for a boss from another country, my country gave money

I deal - with problems from other races but I’m not a racist

I deal - with ex-friends who shun you and laugh at you even though they haven’t done shit in life

I deal - with ex-relationships that basically accomplished the same as friends, absolutely nothing

I deal - with blowback from television and internet media that people can’t seem to turn off

I deal - with people who whore themselves and sell their souls for life and a dollar, and yet I’m bad

I deal - with know-it-alls who know everything but can’t figure out why they failed at life

I deal - people who seem to come from the same root as money, evil

I deal - with the fact that the only thing I can do is deal

American Death Dreams - The “F” -ing Continues

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

If only I could awake from this fucking American Nightmare. America has fucked me so hard, I am fucked numb and dumb. I don’t really know where I am. I don’t really know who I am. I guess I really don’t fucking care to some extent either. I want to feel something but I’m used up, spent, and drained. I have never felt this numb and detached in all of my life. It might be a good thing because I don’t feel like acting out or doing anything because the rest of the world has that covered with enough stupidity.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Today, I worked my ass off on the only job I can presently get. The money will not support me for any length of time. I will have to literally work until the “moment I die” just to make it. I work excruciating bone and back breaking labor. Seems to be the only type of job I’m good for. Most of the time I try and make “cash money under the table and off the grid.” I can’t afford to pay taxes and there are so many fucking taxes I would have to sell my body organs on the black market simply to have one chance at life in America. I have an education with some college but not enough money to go back to school and finish my degree. Even if I were to finish college, the information and data culture of America has become: Judge, Jury, and Executioner. If you are not Perfect, Politically Correct, have a perfect life record, or are an exact Perfect Carbon Copy American -you will lose. And I have lost, failed, and burnt up on impact. Truth.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

I can completely understand why older people become entirely jaded and seem to hate the world. If you live long enough to experience this world, you ultimately learn to fucking hate it. There was a point when I thought my Elders and older people were cranky and hating the world for no good reason at all. I haven’t lived that long at all but I have suffered enough to know why some older people grow cold, spiteful, and ultimately do not give a flying fuck any more. Yes, I can say that I have reached that point. Once you see through all the smoke and mirrors, all the illusions, and all the lies -yes, even you will fucking hate it one day. The world is so full of fucking bullshit it’s no surprise we and the world are fucked up. It doesn’t make me want to take action or do anything crazy. It does make me want to stay away from everyone and everything. I’m not buying, selling, or trading in bullshit. Fuck, if I could leave this planet, I would. And, even though I have Dreams -or had Dreams- thanks to America, I will never realize them.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

America has become so Politically Correct to the point that if you wipe your ass the wrong way you will go to jail. No shit, well maybe. I make what money I can, live off the grid as much as possible and wish that on the day I die that it will be painless and in peace. As much as I could wish and Dream for more, at this point, all I can really look forward to is Death. It is as they say in American Propaganda Maxims, “Death and Taxes.”

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

We are supposed to have “Freedom of Speech.” Nevertheless, you can get in trouble saying the wrong things. Part of that so-called freedom comes with a fucking American free-for-all to attack everyone in clever set of words, worthless talk shows, and all flavors of unimportant, non-sense News Media.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

We are supposed to be free from “Debtors Prison.” That is not true either as they find fiendish tricks to punish you in other ways. Sometimes they find people to hunt you down and take all of your money and property. Basically the system sets you up in so many fucked up ways you essentially live and die in debt.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

We are supposed to have the Freedom of “Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.” Once you are found imperfect, marked and labeled, or cast to the bottom of the economic slavery pit, your life is over. The American Lie created is so fantastic, imaginative, and creative it’s like a stinking pile of shit attracting flies.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Unless you “know somebody who knows someone”, “born with money or a tit in your mouth”, or “the Universe shits you a Golden Brick” your chances of making it in America are next to none. It is said this land is a land of opportunity but, when you realize how sadomasochistic the game is you realize there is no turning back. You essentially realize you are fucked. Plain and simple. A spoon full of poison my dear.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

At this time, I know people who live in third and fourth world conditions right here in America. From talking with other people, America is in terrible condition everywhere. People are starving, dying, and slaving away right here in America, the Land of the Dead and Dying Slaves. The government and politicians talk about helping people but all they do is talk. Lip service never fed, clothed, or gave anyone shelter. The cold, bitter, and stark reality is that countless Americans are going to die because the system is going to kill us. It’s not a matter of if or why it is a matter of how soon and when. But, by the time your dead, it doesn’t fucking matter any way. The lie goes on and on and on. Millions of talking heads and many-stringed puppets will continue the charade until the bitter end.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Some people turn to religion, drugs, or alcohol for escape. Maybe I’m too fucking stupid and delusional to keep thinking that my life and Dreams matter. I don’t bother anyone or do anything. Most of my time is spent alone doing creative things. My time for creating and Dreaming keeps becoming shorter and is almost at a point of disappearing. The demands of life have become so high that I can’t keep up swimming and already feel myself drowning. I would scream for help but everyone else is screaming too.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

I have lived in America all of my life. In books and on the internet I have read of beautiful places and people all around the world. I have even read their opinions about America, many of which I agree with. I am neither Political nor Religious. I am not for Justice or Criminality. I am not really “Anti-Anything” as much as I am “Anti-Bullshit.” It’s like an internal struggle between civility and savagery.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Like the line in the Batman movie, “At this point in time, I don’t care if the world burns.” Nothing else for me and my Family is working, so fuck it, let the mother-fucker-burn. Who knows, it might actually do some good. Maybe humanity and the world needs a good hard fucking reset. Some people probably think that is terrible to say, but is it? If you have everything taken away from you, you can not survive in the “best place in the world”, and you have nothing to show for your slavery, what would you really fucking think or say?

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

America, it’s so fucking good that it is so fucking bad. And you my friend, are fucked.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

At night, I Dream of traveling the world -everywhere. I wish I could go everywhere in the world and talk with other people, experience their world, and say to them, “I have Dreamed forever of meeting you.” I want to know what is like to say the word “Dream” in every language and not from a book or online, but from the very mouth of the world itself. I can imagine they would say the same to me about their lives. For some reason the entire world seems so infinitely fucking worthless. Who knows? Maybe it’s always been this way. Or, maybe it’s humanity. My guess is that it is humanity. Can’t live with or without one another. Shit. Fucking irony.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

I have heard it is a “big world out there” but sadly, America has made it impossible for me to have a chance, let alone see it. Uncle Sam Evil has mentally and physically sodomized us all. Uncle Sam Evil is one extremely fucking sick sadomasochistic bitch-ass bastered. Uncle Sam Evil is the ultimate world predator of all. I will never get to visit the homelands of my ancestors. I will never get to see other Goths around the world or see the beauty of other cultures. I will never get to see the world because of America. It seems the only place I will get to see the world is in my dreams. Sad to say but even the abstract can only do so much.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

There was a time when my Elders, my friends, and acquaintances had hopes, aspirations, and…Dreams. From my time as a Child to a young Man now, I have sadly watched as all of their lives, and Dreams, have become nothing because of America. America is like a rigged and very bad gambling match of Russian Roulette. And, you will lose and die every time. Success in this country favors itself like the government. Many people say they live good lives and have success. The reality is that they are paying something and will pay till the day they die. They essentially have to pay-to-play for their life and all they own. Some fucking success, right? Who in their fucking right mind wants to be a slave and pay for their life? Answer: absolutely no one. I don’t mind helping out a little but, highway fucking robbery by Uncle Sam Evil is “life robbery.” I didn’t ask for anything or want this shit. I was born into this.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

I have watched people in America work all their lives and never have anything. You never own anything here but constantly pay slave taxes to the Almighty American Government. You can’t stand up for yourself or they -like all other governments around the world- will send Mercenaries or other paid Death-Dealers to silence you if ever your words grow to loud and people listen. Bad leaders, War, Greed, and selfish Destruction has brought America to it’s knees. Everyone has been programmed to hate and kill everyone.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Hate is a fucking strange thing. Once you get a taste of it for the first time it is impossible to get rid of. Hate is like an infection and the minute you get it, it has got you for life. Suffering begets suffering indeed and we -humanity- are the cause and the infection. We are the beautiful disease for which there seems to be no cure. After untold thousands of years you would think that we would get it. No matter how smart and advanced we seem to become we can’t seem to stop doing stupid shit to ourselves and one another.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

That’s life, right?

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

The word “Dream” is a lot like the word “Imagine.”

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

I wonder what a world without government, religion, greed, poverty, hate, or war would be like. That really sounds like a Dream come true. I wish for that. But, you can shit in one hand and wish with the other and it is entirely clear -and stinky- which one fills up first.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Families are destroyed in America daily because of a system that denies them, steals from them, uses them, and takes everything they ever worked or lived for. Families are pushed to the breaking point that Family members fight against one another over money, food, and shelter. Yes, money is the root of all Evil. I can’t even begin to count the huge number of Families destroyed simply because they can not survive in the fucked up systems of America. Family used to mean something to me. Now, I realize that I don’t know what a Family is. Another survivalist means to an end I guess. Waking up from shared delusions can be painful. Once childhood is over maybe Family is apart of the magic of life that disappears with age.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Have you ever seen people fight over food? I have.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Have you ever seen people fight over water? I have.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Have you ever seen entire Families homeless living on the side of the road? I have.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

My home town looks more like a War-Zone each day. Every road looks like a third and fourth world country dead-end. Everyone is scared. The younger generations go crazy and fuck up. The older generations simply do not give a fuck about anyone or anything. There are more killings here than I have ever known. It’s funny to think about but, “All of our lives are a series of endless Post Traumatic events.”

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

There has always been hate, violence, and killing. Where I live there is more hate, violence, and killing now that I can say I am beyond numb, beyond shock and awe, beyond feeling anything. I guess it never really helped me to feel anything in the first place. This is what America makes me feel: “nothing.”

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

America has created a system where you can’t get a job without jumping through infinite hoops.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

America has created a system where one background check will end your chance for a job, a home, a life.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

America has created a system where one charge will end your ability to survive.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

America has created a system where there is no such thing as “Freedom” and, nothing is “Free.”

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

America has created a system where “you can check in but you can’t check out, and, you can die.”

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

America is not the land of “milk and honey.” In my experience it has been: poisonous, hellish , a impossible pit to climb out of, and…modern day  “Rome.” Caesar has stolen mine and my Families life. As much as I or my Family want to have good lives and Dreams, America killed us before we ever had to chance to live. We don’t even see each other as Family anymore as we are all desperate for survival while deluding ourselves, trying to stop our living pains.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

The Elders of my family don’t think happily about the future. They only think about when and where they will die, and what to do with their body when they are dead. Instead of saving money to go on vacation or buy something nice, they save up for whatever service they can afford for their Deaths.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Common propaganda says, “If you work hard, believe in your dreams, and ‘Obey’, you will make it.” I think that has to be the cruelest crock of shit right next to free tickets to heaven.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

All of the Foundational Principles never meant anything to anyone other than a few people writing on a mental creative high. They are nothing more than worthless shit paper, ill-fated epiphanies, and eulogies to a Dream that never was. I have read the Constitution, Declaration of Independence, Federalist Papers, and enough American Political Literature to know I read it all for nothing because neither the Government nor any other leaders here believe in them or follow them. If they did, America might’ not be the shit-hole that it is now, falling apart every single second. Sure, some people in American are doing great, but they played the dirtiest games right next to selling their souls in order to get what Uncle Sam Evil will take from them one day.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

It’s a cutthroat competition where there are no rules except the rules you don’t have the money or the power to protect yourself from. Each day so-called Americans pay their life-blood for money. God can’t save them. The government doesn’t give a fuck about them. It is pretty much everyone for themselves. If you took a piece of meat and threw it into a pit full of hungry lions that is what you would have: “Everyone fighting for their lives where only the most savage and ruthless survive.”

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Welcome to the American Roman Arena -where no one lives, and, everyone dies.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

I see countless people everyday getting beat by a system that they can never handle let alone live with. A government is never supposed to be more powerful than the ability of the people. But, all governments have dominated and brainwashed people for countless generations making them sacrifice their blood and children to the multi-headed chimera that is government. Tyranny is Tyranny no matter whether you call it Communism, or, false ulterior Democracy for that matter. Puppets and slaves and more Puppets galore.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

When it comes to Politics and Organized Religion, I don’t have the taste for either as both serve their own purpose and people are the means. If you brainwash people, make them dependent, and then fill their heads with endless amounts of “bullshit” their chances for survival go strait to “zero.” When that happens, they will stop Dreaming, and, Dream no more. (P.S. “If you can’t live you can’t Dream.)

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

In elementary through high school I would always wonder: “Why are we saying this gibberish to a flag and why are we praying to imaginary people?” Funny, I still ask myself the same questions. The more I study history I find that it is all madness and gets unquestionably stranger with each new page.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

It seems the only places I can escape and find momentary freedom is in my Dreams. Maybe I will wake up from this fucking American Nightmare. I can only imagine that will be the day I die. I guess you could say I look forward to my Death, so that perhaps, I can Dream Forever. Dreaming in Death. How ironic. I haven’t set aside any money for my Death. Shit, like it is going to matter. Dead is Dead.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

I can’t believe in anything other than what I have experienced in life. In some ways, I can only imagine that reality is the same for most people other than those caught in a delusion. Often, I wonder what other people Dream about. I wonder if the Dreams of people I saw crushed will somehow find a reality waiting for them in Dream Time beyond the veil. Maybe I am as empty and as unreal as Dreams in this reality.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Maybe I think about Dreaming because shit is just so terribly fucking bad and wrong with people and the world. Maybe I’m caught in a psychological delusion where I’m trying desperately to escape what I can’t escape. Maybe I’m so irrevocably, so recklessly, so miserably, so beyond repair, so fucking broken and destroyed, so utterly fucking empty that the myriad of schisms in my mind have allowed me to do nothing else other than Dream. Maybe this is what happens in Death: “We live to die and awake in another dream.”

Maybe, “I’m already Dead.”

“The Truth is out there.” But, there is no truth and it is all subjective, and everyone is right in their own mind. It seems that the only “number one” is the “ego and stupidity rules the day.” So much for bliss.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Propaganda, Double Speak, Psychological Manipulation, Technological Charlantry are all the wonder tools of the day -right on your favorite social network. Thumbs up, right? Worship the God in the Screen. Amen?

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

How can you live and dream if your life and dreams are already programmed and dictated to you?

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Red fucking pill, Blue fucking pill, fuck fuck fuck, we are so fucked. Did I say fucked? Fuck.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

How can you know Freedom if all that you have ever known is a monstrous contrived system of limitation disguised as Freedom?

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

How can you really know what’s right or wrong when there is no such thing? We are programmed all of our lives as to what is “Right or Wrong”, “Good or Bad”, “Black or White”. Most of these societal statutes and mores are based upon: Politics, Economics, Religion, and infinite numbers of people as ignorant and as confused as the rest us. If all the governments and the world fell apart, people wouldn’t know what to do let alone think as they have become brainwashed into unflinching slave dependence. People have lived and existed without contrived systems and governments before, and, if all goes to hell I am sure they will continue to live and survive without them.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

So what the fuck gives? Governments - Why so serious?

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

There is a saying that, “All men (people) are great in their dreams.” Somehow I wished that was true. But, like Kurt Cobain once said, “I think I’m dumb.” And, I’m also severely numb.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

I used to dream all the time, and now, America has kicked the living shit out of me. America has turned me into everything else but myself. America has not only brutalized my life but that of my Family, or rather, the last living of my Family. It is strange to want to be apart of the world and yet not allowed to do so. It is even stranger that the world has allowed a handful of limp-dick-bastard-jerkwadd-men and bitch-ass-chicken-headed-mouthy-women dictate our lives and fate of the world. (Equal Opportunity Fucking, I guess.)

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

America has fucked me so hard that even my Dreams are fucked.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

Requiem - I fucking lived there and died there, fucked. Fuck.

Maybe, “I’m  already Dead.”

The Fucking End.

(Fuck Fuck Fuck)

Fuck